Spinning.

“Pass me a beer, will you?” John yelled as he came onto their bus. Pat reached into the fridge and tossed him a can, and amongst the laughter and chatter the crisp pop of the can opening was still loud and clear.

We were all sitting around after a show in South Carolina, after finishing the signing. Our bus call time wasn't for a few more hours, so we figured we could celebrate a particularly successful show with some drinks and hanging out. We had all had a couple of drinks throughout the evening and had acquired a buzz, making the rambunctious bus even louder than it normally was. I was sandwiched between Garrett and Kennedy, nursing some drink that I didn't exactly know much about, but it tasted alright and it went down easy. Music was also playing on the bus, and between the chatter around me and the music it was hard to hear much. Some of the people on the bus weren't people that I knew-- they were friends of other people on the tour, like the techs and other crew. It didn't take long for one of the mystery girls on the bus to start talking to John-- I tried to ignore it, but I couldn't help glancing back at the pair. She was definitely flirting with him, and he was definitely interested, their body language gave it away.

“Where's the show?” Jared suddenly appeared next to me, slinging his arm around my shoulder. I snapped back to reality, trying to avoid giving away what I had been thinking about moments before.

“What show?” I replied, trying to sound relaxed.

“The one you were just gawking at. You're not very sneaky about it,” Jared laughed at my burning cheeks.

“Uh, it's nothing.” I mumbled. “So what have you been up to so far?”

“You're lying, but I'll let it slide.” Jared paused for a second. “We will be talking about it later though. As for what I've been up to tonight, I beat Pat in a game of singles beer pong, and called Tessa. Nothing too extraordinary there.” He chuckled.

“Oh, how's Tessa doing?” I asked, trying to focus on anything other than John's flirting. I was jealous, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. I hadn't been flirting with him, so it wasn't like he'd know that I was interested.

“She's great! She's being featured on a talk show next week, so she's excited about that. She's been keeping busy with her cooking stuff and with Chewie, since he's always making her chase him around.” Jared laughed. “God I miss that little bugger.”

“Aww, I'm sure he's a cutie pie. I can't wait to meet him! And to meet Tessa! She seems like such a sweetheart.”

“Yeah, they're pretty great. They make going home that much more worth it.” he smiled, content at the thought.

“I don't have any of that in LA. The closest thing I get is Minnesota to see my parents, but I don't think that's quite the same.” I laughed. “That's more like going home from college than anything.”

He chuckled at my ending comment, “Well someday you'll have it. Even if it's not a boyfriend now, you've got some pretty cool friends right?” he winked at me, and I nodded, chuckling. “Make them throw you a welcome home party. That's what friends are for!” I chuckled, picturing Andy and Kelly greeting me at the airport with a 'welcome home!' sign. They were my closest friends in Los Angeles, so naturally if it was going to be anyone welcoming me home, it would be them.

My eyes darted back over to where John and the girl were standing, and for a moment we made eye contact before I broke to look over at Jared. Jared raised his eyebrow at me, and I stood up.

“I think I'm going to get a little air, it's kind of hot in here.” I smiled at him and walked off the bus, inhaling deeply the moment I reached the cool, southern air. I pulled out my phone and, after checking the time, texted Kelly to see if she was still awake. I told her I would call earlier, but had gotten busy. And now, I needed the distraction. A minute later, my phone was ringing.

“Hello?”

“Hey! I'm still up. In case you didn't figure out by me calling you.”Kelly was cheerful on the other end of the phone.

“Well I'm glad, I was going to call you earlier and then I got sidetracked. Anyways, how have you been?”

“Great! Work has been interesting, I just got a couple new clients who want to do this huge wedding. Like, I think it's going to cost over a million dollars to do it.”

“Wait, really? Do they have that kind of money?”

“Yeah, they're like investors or some crazy shit like that. The bride to be has someone just to carry her purse.” Kelly scoffed at the other end of the phone, laughing.

“Well that's a little absurd,” I giggled from my end.

“Yeah, I feel so out of my element around them. But it'll be really good for business, I'll be able to use it in my portfolio and hopefully that'll expand my client base, you know?”

“Yup, I mean you already know you're planning my wedding.” I laughed.

“Damn right I am! You'll have the most perfect day, I promise.”

“Well I'd have to find someone to marry first, since y'know that's kind of important. I don't think I can just marry myself.” Kelly laughed on the other end of the line.

“Well yeah, and speaking of... that lead singer's pretty cute you know! And you never shut up about him.”

I sighed. “That's not going to happen, Kell.”

“Aww, honey. You sound upset. What happened?”

I moved a little further away from the bus before I spoke. “I mean, nothing technically happened. He's just like, not even interested in me. They're having a party on the bus and I just...”

”There's another girl, wasn't there?”

“Yeah, they were getting pretty cozy.” I sighed. “I don't even know why I'm trying, Kell. Like, what's the point? He's never going to see me like that.”

”Oh stop being such a downer. He'd be a fucking idiot if he couldn't see how great you are. So here's what's going to happen: that party is still going on, right?”

“Uh, yeah...” I responded, nervous about what she was going to say.

“Well then, you're going to march back in there, put a smile on your face, and have a blast. Dance a little or something. Show him what he's missing out on.” She coached.

“Uhh, right.”

”Stop being such a skeptic. Now go! You can tell me how it goes later. Alright? You've got this girl!”

“Alright, alright. I'll give it a shot.” In the background of the phone I heard Andrew saying something.

“Damn right you will! My hooligan husband wants to say hi to you before you go.”

I chuckled. “Alright, put him on.”

” Beret?” Andrew's voice was much more relaxed than Kelly's.

“Sup?” I laughed.

“Hey, not too much! Just doing my thing, playing piano, you know how it is.” He laughed. “How about you?”

“Not too much over here either, playing shows, waking up in new cities, you know-- the usual.” I laughed.

“What city are you at right now?”

“Um, we're in South Carolina... Charleston? Yeah, Charleston.” I told him, thinking for a second.

“Well that sounds fun. Anyways, Kelly's over here nagging me to get off the phone because apparently you're on a mission, so I'll let you go. We'll have to catch up later.” He laughed, as Kelly's voice could be heard in the background.

“Sounds good, I'll talk to you two later!” I heard him pass the phone off to Kelly, who wasted no time repeating her earlier advice.

“Alright, now remember-- go show him what he's missing out on. You got this! And I miss you!”

“I miss you too, Kelly. And I will, I will.” I laughed, rolling my eyes.

“Alright hun, adios!”

“Bye!” I hung up the phone, sighing as I looked back at the bus. They were definitely still partying on the bus, the music loud enough to float through the air until it reached me.

I took a deep breath and marched back to the bus, determined to take her advice. Re-entering the bus, everyone had begun dancing, while some people were taking shots in the back. I navigated through the crowd to the back to find Pat, Mason, and Dave doing shots.

“Hey! Beret!” Mason hugged me. “Where have you been?”

“I went out to make a call quick, what are you guys shooting and can I join?” I laughed.

“We've got Tequila, Scotch, Vodka, Whiskey, Rum... take your pick!” Pat laughed. “Just grab one and let's do this!”

I grabbed the tequila and the nearest shot glass, pouring a shot before stealing a lime wedge off the counter. Dave counted us off, and down went the shot before biting into the lime wedge. If I was going to do this, I needed to get a little liquid confidence to get started. They geared up for a second round of shots, and I grabbed another lime wedge before refilling the shot glass. As if his timing couldn't be any better, John came over and grabbed the whiskey bottle off the counter before stopping inches from my face.

“So, shots?” He slurred. He was already drunk, I could tell by his empty eyes and the scent of alcohol on his breath.

“Uh... yeah!” I backed up from him slightly, trying to get myself a little air.

“Shots!” The rest of the guys cheered, slapping John on the back as he poured his shot. “On three!” Dave shouted before counting us off, and down went the second round. I was about to set the glass down and go get something from the fridge to drink when John grabbed my arm, stopping me.

“Wait, one more? Singer shots?” He smirked, winking at me.

I rolled my eyes and filled the shot glass one last time, taking the liberty to count us off since I was more sober. Across the room, Kennedy and Garrett waved to me, shouting for me to head over there, so I set down the shot glass and grabbed some beer from the fridge before joining him. Behind me, John had started shouting to the girl who he had been flirting with earlier, so I ignored him and joined Garrett and Kennedy instead.

“Hey! We want to play beer pong! But Dirk needs a partner! So we're recruiting you!”

They pointed over to the table, where Dirk gave me a thumbs up.

“Alright, Dirk! We're taking these bitches down!” I grabbed a ping pong ball out of one of the cups and began refilling them while Garrett and Kennedy took the far side.

Dirk was already drunk, and as we got started playing it was obvious that he was interested in more than just playing beer pong with me. Every time I'd land the ball in a cup, Dirk would start dancing with me, each time more suggestively than the time before. I laughed it off, knowing it was the alcohol and nothing more, but every time I'd catch John dancing with that girl I'd turn around and give Dirk a little more attention. I didn't know if it was just the alcohol thinking for me or if it was something else, but sometimes I'd catch John staring as Dirk and I danced (and eventually beat Kennedy and Garrett in two rounds of beer pong). Each time, his eyes would darken and he'd get closer to the girl, the last couple times even starting to feel her up. It was like we were just on a mission to piss each other off, though at the time it didn't even occur to me. Dirk and I had stopped playing beer pong and now were just dancing, laughing at each other and not minding that his hands were slowly sliding down my hips as we got more intense.

Suddenly, my arm was grabbed and I was being yanked out of the tour bus.

“Dude, what the fuck?” I shouted as we got off the bus. John was the one who had pulled me off, his eyes dark with anger as he pulled at his hair.

“Beret, what the fuck were you doing?” He glared at me, reeking of alcohol.

“Dancing, what did it look like? Same fucking thing you were doing!” I spat at him.

“You can't just do that!” He slurred back at me. “That's with fucking Dirk! You don't even mean anything to him!”

“First of all, who said that I wanted that to turn into something! And second of all, that's the pot calling the fucking kettle black. You were dancing with some chick that you've never met and you'll never see again! And I watched you grope her! Dirk would have never crossed that boundary at least!”

“No, Beret, you don't understand! Dirk just wants to get with a different girl in his pants every night, you won't even matter to him in the morning! Don't just become some little slut that he gets with and checks off his list!“

“Are you fucking done? Because I'm going back in there and there's nothing you can do about it.” I turned to go back to the bus, but he grabbed my hand and held me back.

“Beret--”

“No, John! Listen to me!” I spun around and faced him, furious. “You can't tell me what the fuck I can and can't do! I already have enough people telling me how to live my life, and god dammit if I want to go have one fun night of dancing with someone, no strings attached, I'm going to do it! It's my fucking life, and I'll be damned if I let you control it! You're acting like Dirk is some creep when you're doing the same things he's doing to a total stranger, at least I fucking know Dirk! So excuse me, but I'm going to get back on that bus and have a fun night because after all the shit that I put up with, I fucking deserve it!”

Before he had a chance to respond, I turned and climbed back onto the bus. Pushing him out of my mind, I went and grabbed the tequila bottle, bringing it with me as I went back to Dirk, resuming what we had started before. He looked at me for a second, as if to ask where I was dragged off too, but before he could say anything I told him not to worry about it.

It didn't take long for me to drink the rest of the tequila, but by that point everyone else was totally wasted so no one even noticed that it was gone. And for the rest of the night, everything was a blur.



The next morning, I woke up on The Maine's bus, in the front lounge. My head was on Dirk's chest, who was laying there in nothing but his boxers. As for me, I wasn't wearing any pants, but instead I was wearing someone's boxers. I groaned and sat up, rubbing my eyes. We were at the next city, and Jared was sitting at the table across from us laughing inaudibly.

“There's IB Profin on the counter and water in the fridge. Coffee's being made as we speak.” Jared answered the question before I even asked it.

“Thanks,” I mumbled, sitting up slowly before even attempting to move. A hangover was an understatement-- my head was throbbing, my stomach was doing flips, and I could have sworn that even if the bus had stopped moving, it felt like the room was spinning. Dirk didn't even move, still passed out from the night before.

“So...” Jared started, still smirking at my obvious hangover. “Last night!”

“Can we not?” I groaned, flopping back down on the couch.

“Do you remember what happened?”

“Besides the part where I got too drunk, danced with Dirk, and then argued with John?”

“Yeah, after that.” He was trying really hard not to laugh at me, but it wasn't working very well.

“Can we not talk about this here?”

“Well where would you like to talk about it?”

Just as he said that, John came stumbling up to the front, grunting a greeting before taking some IB Profin and glaring at me, stepping off the bus a minute later to smoke.

“Anywhere else would be perfect.”

We stood up, and once the room stopped spinning for me we left their bus and went to my bus. Mason, Ian, Dave, Alex, and Ryan were no where to be found, so we decided to just stay in the front lounge of my bus.

“Beret, John's pissed.” Jared started in.

“Well no shit Sherlock. But he doesn't even have the right to be!” I retorted. “He was yelling at me for dancing with Dirk when he was groping some random girl! It's not even like he's my boyfriend and he was trying to control who I was having fun with.”

Jared stopped, and thought about it for a second. “Wait, he did what?”

“When I was first dancing with Dirk, he'd keep looking over at me and then when I'd catch him staring he'd start getting more physical with that one girl or whoever the fuck she was. Then I stopped paying attention to him and he dragged me off the bus, saying I shouldn't dance with Dirk and he told me that I would just become a little slut that Dirk checked off his list, like Christ--”

“He called you a slut?”

“Yes! And he was acting like he was protecting me and that I couldn't just make my own decisions, like seriously just because I was dancing with Dirk didn't mean that we were going to do anything!”

Jared just sat, thinking.

“That was not the story John told me this morning.”

“Oh really? What did John tell you?” I was annoyed that it was being brought up.

“That he had to break you and Dirk up from getting too physical and that you were too drunk to even think straight.”

“Oh, like he should talk.” I scoffed at him. “Dirk and I didn't even do anything last night! I'm pretty sure I saw John sneak that girl off the bus right before bus calls.”

“Wait, so if you and Dirk didn't do anything last night, why did you wake up not wearing pants and why is he still almost naked?”

I froze. Shit. I didn't remember that part.

“It's not like we were going to sleep in our clothes,” I laughed nervously.

“You don't remember, do you?” Jared flatly asked.

“...Fuck. No.”

“Well, you can actually thank John for that. He may have said some pretty mean things to you, and I don't support what he said at all, but he did stop you two from hooking up. And those boxers? They're John's. He made you put them on after Dirk almost got you naked. Then he stayed up with you while you threw your guts up from too much tequila.”

“Fuck.” I rubbed my temples as my head continued to throb.

“I don't think anyone else remembers it, since pretty much everyone was trashed besides John and I. Even though John honestly wasn't much more sober than you were.”

“Well... shit. What am I supposed to do then?” I laid back on the couch, covering my face with my hands. I felt like shit and this wasn't making me feel any better.

“First of all, you and John need to kiss and make up. You both did some not-great things and you both obviously hurt each other's feelings, but it'll be awkward and uncomfortable for everyone if you two go around trying to kill each other, especially since you two are friends, and we're all friends with both of you. Second of all, you should clear things up with Dirk so you both know that there was nothing there, I'm sure that part will be fine but you should still do it. But before that, go get dressed, take a shower, eat something, and get rid of the hangover. I'll go get your stuff. Got it?”

I nodded, not moving from my spot on the couch. Jared stood up and left the bus, leaving me to myself. After a little while, I sucked it up and went to clean up and get dressed, before venturing off the bus to get food. Stepping off the bus, I adjusted my sunglasses and beanie before venturing in search of food. Rounding the corner, I bumped into Dirk.

“Oh... hey Beret.” He nervously rubbed the back of his head, still hungover from last night.

“Uh, hey... how's the hangover?” I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

“It's a hangover. You know how they are.” He laughed, realizing I wasn't mad at him. “So... we're cool, right? About last night and all that?”

“Yeah, I think so. We were both really drunk and not expecting anything more, right?” I asked, tacking on the ending just in case.

“Right. So we're cool.”

“Yeah, we're cool.” Confirming his earlier question, I nodded. “So... are there any good places to get food here?”

“Well not nearby, but there is a grocery store about a block away. So you could get something there and make it.” He shrugged.

“Awesome, thanks.”

One trip to the grocery store later, I managed to find something to eat and make it out without anyone realizing who I was. Strolling back to the bus, I was only stopped a couple times for pictures and autographs, but I managed to avoid giving away that I was horribly hungover. Arriving back to where the buses were, I wasted no time climbing back onto our bus and making myself some food. I flopped onto the couch in the back lounge, plate in hand, just in time to hear two people start arguing outside.

“Dude, I can't believe you did that.” The first voice was Jared's, sounding agitated as ever.

“What are you talking about?” I could recognize that raspy voice from anywhere. I leapt up and shut the door to the back lounge before moving as close to the window as I possibly could.

“Did you forget the part where you called her a slut for dancing with Dirk? No wonder she's pissed at you! You're supposed to be her friend, not judgemental! She's already under the microscope, the last thing she needs are her friends treating her that way too!”

“Well those are the kind of girls that Dirk's into...” I could hear him scoff. I rolled my eyes at him-- if he thought he was getting an apology now, he had another thing coming.

“That's not the point. You don't get to decide what, or who, she does. I'm not even going to ask why you're being so stubborn about it because I know you well enough to know exactly why. But just know, if you keep acting like this she's never going to forgive you and you're just do more damage.”

I sunk down into the couch, feeling guilty about the entire situation. I shouldn't have drank that much last night, sure, but I didn't realize John was so judgmental about the things that other people do, especially when he had no room to talk. And it hurt to hear him say those things, especially since I thought he knew me better than that.

“Well thanks, mom.” John sneered back at him. The next thing he said was the part I wish I had never heard: “I don't even care about her anyways.”