Savage Hearts

"I love it when you start getting a southern accent back." Melissa, Lila's little sister, smiled as her sister curled her hair.

"I haven't even been here for one day, it's not that bad."

"You've been back for one day and you already told mom to fuck off about the Jon thing."

"Yeah she's way too obsessed with my boyfriend."

"She just wants to meet someone you are actually dating and not just sleeping with, we all do.  What happened that is making you come running just to see lil' ole me?" Her sister laughed as she applied her makeup.

"I came to see Mardi Gras, you're just a bonus. Also this is your day so don't worry about my love life and tell me about who's walking with you tonight."

"I'm going with Ryan Clancy."

"As in Josh Clancy's little brother? I approve, you know I dated him."

"Is he the boyfriend who hit you?" Melissa turned around.

"No! I wouldn't let you near a Clancy of that were the case, I guess we only sort of dated."

"You mean you had sex?"

"Whatever. Now Lindsey gave me this glitter, she was our most sparkling debutante so this for good luck."

"What do I do with it?"

"I guess sprinkle some on your boobs where no one can see and hope you follow in my footsteps and lose your virginity tonight," Melissa rolled her eyes, " Let's zip up that dress and get you out there, you're becoming a debutante!"

Melissa smiled as she left the dressing room with the rest of the bustling young ladies. Lila smiled watching her younger sister grow up as she walked out to go watch the ceremony unfold. Rather than sitting by her family Lila stood against the back wall, where the lighting was perfect for pictures. She straightened her skirt and watched the girls and their partners walk out. She was obnoxious and cheered when her sister was called the most well-rounded of the debutantes, snapping pictures the whole time.  A shadow began to cover her lighting when her sister was leaving the stage. She pulled away from her camera to see a familiar man standing near her.

"What are you doing here Chris?" She sighed.

"I have a sister becoming a debutante."

"One who happened to only distracted you until right after my sister was called? Chris, I know you better than that what do you want?"

"Sassy, I don't remember that side of you as vividly. You know, back when you were begging for me."

"Begging for you? That rockstar fame must be going to your head."

"Come on its been a long time, we can go to the hall and talk, catch up."

"I'm not that same girl as before but I still know catching up is code for getting each other off." Lila turned a bit trying to avoid looking into Chris's blue eyes that seemed to read straight through her.

"But we used to have so much fun, remember?" Chris whispered into her ear as he moved his hand down into her skirt and panties rubbing a finger across her folds.

"Ah-ooh." Lila moaned out temporarily succumbing to the unexpected pleasure. "Wai- stop." She grabbed his hand yanking it out from her skirt. "I'm in a relationship. I have a boyfriend and I love him and I'm happy. I don't want to fuck that up because you still think I'm going from guy to guy just to get myself off." Lila walked off closer to the dance floor.

"Well I'll see you at Mardi Gras right?"

"Don't plan on it, I don't want to risk the temptation."

"Well Mardi Gras isn't really your holiday then is it? Whatever happened to the badass, free girl I used to know."

"She fell in love."

~~~~~~~~

"Jonny, you poor baby, don't worry I'm going to stay up all night with you in case it's a concussion."

"You don't have to Lindsey, just go have sex with Kaner."

"No! As your girlfriend's bet friend I have to make sure you are okay. Besides it will give us time to just have a nice chat, we haven't talked in ages."

"I'm not really in the mood." He answered bitterly as he was reminded that his girlfriend was still absent from his life.

"It will be good for you. Also, I need to know if you have concussion purely so I can text that bitch girlfriend of yours who will come racing home to nurse her baby back to health."

"Are we thinking about the same Lila?" Jon gave a weak chuckle as they got in his car. The ride home was silent as Lindsey played with the radio.

"Do you want me to make something to eat?" Lindsey asked as they walked in the apartment, Jon shook his head in response as he walked into the bedroom and flopped onto the bed.

"When is Lila coming home?"

"The 22nd in the afternoon. I brought Horrible Bosses if you'd like to watch that, Lila told me you didn't actually own it." Lindsey put the movie in and hopped on the bed next to Jon. "Lila really redecorated the place didn't she?"

"Yeah, it's nice to be reminded that she lives here, although it's starting to kill me always seeing the little things she did around the house and know she's hasn't come back yet."

"Don't worry she'll be back, or I'll murder her. This break really changed her mindset I think." They both fell into a comfortable silence, constantly being broken as they laughed at the film.

"Lindsey can you like psychoanalyze me, this whole Lila thing is really messing with me."

"Are you sure that's not the blows to the head?"

"I'm serious Lindsey isn't it your job to do shit like this."

"I have a degree in psychology focusing on adolescents and I'm a high school guidance counselor. I don't know how much help I'll be."

"It's better than nothing, I just need someone who will actually listen to me, Patrick is not the best person for the job."

"Okay, then why don't I ask you some questions. First off, what is it about Lila that makes you so drawn to her."

"I guess it's how she doesn't really care about how other people see her and how she is always challenging me, broadening my horizon. I love all her little quirks or when she gets flustered. I love how she looks at the world differently."

"Okay then what is that you hate about her."

"I hate how she doesn't care and I hate how she pushes me away. I hate how she can read me like an open book and yet she's still an enigma to me. I hate how I can't stop thinking about all her."

"I see. Jonny this is really hard for me. I love you being with Lila so much I don't know what to tell you, this isn't as easy as handing a sophomore a condom."

"I just need to know what I'm doing wrong, why doesn't she ever want me." Jon groaned rubbing his temple, trying to push the pain away.

"Jon you aren't doing anything wrong. You are perfect for Lila, I've always been rooting for you and even if you don't realize it and Lila doesn't realize it, you're the one for her. All these years Lila has been trying to push you away because if she broke your heart enough you'd walk away before you could hurt her. She's just afraid. She always has been afraid to give herself to other people, because people come and go in life. But she does things for you that she wouldn't even do for her own sister. I know she is crazy and insane and does whatever she wants whenever she wants, but you've changed her. She doesn't sleep around anymore, she's not a nomad constantly moving, she think about the future, like long term future. Jon it took you pushing back at her for her to realize how much she needs you, how grounded you keep her. She loves you so much it scares her, she really needed this time to let all that fear out. She needs to come to terms with the fact that she can't live without Captain Serious."

"So you're saying she loves me and she just needed to come to learn to be okay with that?"

"She needed come to terms with the fact that her heart doesn't belong to just her now, that her wild and free spirit is intertwined with your's now. She needed to learn that when there's no you, there's no Lila anymore."

~~~~~~~~

Lila felt dizzy and sick. The craziness of New Orleans during Mardi Gras was not helping. Although she had told herself not to drink, Lila went back on her word; like she normally did, she thought bitterly to herself. She felt sore all over and the amassing of Mardi Gras beads began to feel heavier.She was a coward and a loser and a million of other foul terms. Her mother's words continued to burn her ears even twenty-four hours after they were said.

"You think by pushing people away that you're not going to end up bitter and hurting. You've always been worried you're going to grow up to be like me. But you know if you keep running away, you're going to be worse than me. You'll be a hollow shell with nothing left. That's a lot worse than putting your faith in another person." Her mother had said to her as she left for the airport.

The words kept circling around in her head. Her mother may be a lot of things, but stupid was not one of them. It hurt her to know that her mother was right and if she didn't go home soon she'd be more bitter and alone; a fate she had been trying to avoid her whole life. But right now she wasn't in the sort of mindset that would help her make rational decisions. Lila continued to walk around the crowded streets trying to avoid the guilt and emptiness that was beginning to devour her. Then her phone began to vibrate. She pulled it out to see she missed several texts and was now getting a call from her mother.

"Hello?"

"Have you been watching any hockey recently?"

"Not in like a month, why have you become an NHL fan?" She drunkenly spat.

"No, but your boyfriend seems to be in pretty bad shape, he apparently has a concussion and been out of two games already."

"Jonnny's hurt?" Lila began to sober up quicker as she felt her heart stop for second.

"Yes and I think now is the perfect time for you to make some grand gesture of selflessness. I know love scares you but the way you look when you talk about him, if you give up on that because you're afraid than you'll be more pathetic than me and your father."

"I love you mom, I'll talk to you later." She hung up with a stinging heart. She began to wander to her hotel, knowing she would need at least a few hours of sleep to be able to make it through what was to come.