Knitted Sweaters

The prospect of being out of the city for a month, away from my roommates with their terrible cooking and tendency to set the smoke alarm off seemed like a nice enough idea. At least, it had for about the first half hour I was back home in my parent's converted barn, which had exactly one record player with a handful of country records and zero traces of any real technology. There was no reception on my phone and definitely no Internet, let alone a computer in sight. Every time I came home it felt like I was stepping back a few centuries. The town I grew up in (if you could even call it such, it was hardly even a village) was small, there was a few stores and one school. It was the type of place where everybody knew everybody else and all the families called themselves a 'community'. My parents own the small convenience store, which like the other stores, was basically only in business still because of people who made a pit stop for lunch or gas. It was also the type of place where people didn't move away like I had done, especially when there was a perfectly fine family business I could have eventually owned but after my first trip to New York on my thirteenth birthday the prospect of spending my entire life in the small place seemed like hell. My parents were supportive, though I knew they weren't exactly all too happy with my choices, at least they have my younger sister to take over the convenience store. The only thing more rare than somebody leaving was somebody new showing up. So of course even I was intrigued to hear about the new neighbors when my mother mentioned them over dinner the night I arrived.
"A new family moved in next door a few months ago." She mentioned. She used the term 'next door' loosely of course, the closest property was a fifteen minute walk away. "They're very sweet. They have a son who's home schooled. He's exceptionally intelligent, he's going to Columbia next year too, isn't that something? We're going over to their place for dinner on Saturday, maybe you two can be friends." I simply nod at her, I didn't particularly have any desire to be friends with some weird country kid who was home schooled. Let's be honest, most of the kids in this place were weird enough, I couldn't even imagine what a home schooled kid must've been like.

By the time Saturday rolled around though I was practically begging the world for this home schooled neighbor kid to be cool, or at least bare able enough to hang out with. I was bored out of my mind. I wasn't sure how I managed to do this for so many years. We were basically snowed in and i'd definitely underestimated the cold weather, especially when the only heat produced was through the living room fire. I'd spent the best part of the past few days practically sitting on the fire, wrapped up in a blanket reading a book. I love reading but there was only so much enjoyment I got out of it before I wanted something else to occupy my time. My parents worked long hours and my sister was in her early teen years where she hated everyone, but most specifically her family members, so she tried her best to avoid any interaction with me whatsoever. So with no technology, no friends or family as company and way too much snow I was kind of missing my annoying friends.

-

I was basically in love the minute I walked into their house. It was warm and there was a television, in fact there were multiple televisions. Their house was brimming with all the necessities that I had missed so much.
"Come, sit." Julie Ramone, the mom of the house, told us all with a smile and a sweet voice as she introduced us to her husband and her son. And goodness, her son was something else. Louis. He had gorgeous, dark brown eyes that only met mine for a short moment before they were covered by his raven black hair. A pink tinted his pale cheeks, though I was unsure if he was embarrassed or if it was the temperature of the room. He had this piercing too, on the bridge of his nose. I don't even know what you call that piercing but it looked kind of fantastic on him. Like, really fantastic. I wasn't sure what I was expecting from this family but it certainly hadn't been this. I was kind of glad though, they seemed like a relatively normal family. Other than the fact that I had yet to hear Louis speak.

He had said nothing the entire night, occasionally nodding or shaking his head and any questions that were directed at him his parents quickly answered for him. It was quite odd and as the night went on I grew more curious but despite how strange it was, I couldn't stop looking at him, he was gorgeous. I was pretty sure my mom had cottoned on to my staring, she'd given me a small knowing smirk but I did my best to ignore her.
"So, what are you going to be doing at Columbia next year?" I asked Louis, staring straight at him. I just wanted him to say something, anything. He looked at me nervously before glancing over at his parents. Except they were too busy in their own conversation with my parents. He pulled out his phone then and for a second I thought I was being ignored and I was close to saying something about it when he handed me his phone. He'd written simply 'photography' and I realized this was his way of communicating. I stared at him curiously, I didn't think he was deaf but why wasn't he speaking? Was he mute? Or maybe he'd just lost his voice, but it had seemed like more than that and I wanted to ask but there was obviously a reason nobody had mentioned it. Instead I pretended to ignore the fact he wasn't speaking, because I wasn't sure what else to do.
"I do photography too." I tell him across the table. "Well, it's my minor."
'What's your major?' He typed out quickly and it was obvious he had become used to this form of communication.
"Fine arts." Louis smiled softly at this. It was a small smile, barely noticeable but it was a smile nonetheless and it instantly made me smile too somehow because I felt like maybe it wasn't something he did often. Plus, he was sort of extraordinarily gorgeous when he smiled. We continued to converse between ourselves this way for the rest of the night and even when my parents and sister decided it was time to leave I wasn't really wanting to leave.
'Do you want to stay and watch a movie?' He had typed as if he had read my mind, shyly showing me and I beamed, quickly nodding. As my parents bid me goodnight my mom gave me that same smirk she'd given me during dinner and I tried my best not to blush, hoping Louis hadn't noticed. Seriously, even at 21 parents are so embarrassing.

"You have no idea how nice this is. I've done absolutely nothing all week, my parents don't have so much as a TV, it's like they're still living in the dark ages. I don't even know how they communicate with the outside world while they're at home, carrier pigeon maybe. If I want to talk to them I have to call their store." Louis rolled his eyes a little but there was a hint of a smile still playing on his lips as he riffled through the DVD collection in the living room. He pulled one out and wave it at me with a questioning look. I nodded even though I hadn't ever heard of it and watched him intently as he put it on, snuggling back into the couch and wishing I could just move into their nice, warm house and never ever leave. Louis sat down on the opposite side of the couch from me and his eyes stayed glued to the television the entire time, though I couldn't say the same for mine. I didn't have the best attention span at the best of times but when there's a kind of perfect looking boy sitting across from me it becomes ten times worse.
"You ok over there?" I asked him jokingly when he jumped, nudging him with my foot and he poked his tongue out at me, cheeks pink. I sort of loved how easily we seemed to get along already despite all the barriers and I knew we would become friends, and I surely hoped that continued when he finally came to Columbia. He was definitely younger than me, he couldn't be any older than 18 but my mum had been right, even from the few hours i'd spent talking to him I knew he was very intelligent.
"Hey Louis, how old are you?" I asked curiously and a blush spread across his cheeks as he mouthed '15'.
"15? What?!" I basically screeched in shock, my mouth dropping open a little as I stared at him. It only made his blush worsen and he buried his head in his arms. I didn't know whether to feel disgusted in myself or not for finding him so attractive when he was only 15 years old. But as I stared at him, face buried in his hands I knew it wasn't going to change no matter how messed up it might have been. "I'm sorry, i'm just surprised is all." I tell him, trying my best to hide the horror, mostly at myself for being attracted to someone my sister's age.
"I mean, you are going to university next year, so of course I wasn't expecting you to be 15." He didn't say anything, didn't even take his face out of his hands so I just nudged him with my foot again, hoping that he realized it was ok and tried my best to go back to watching the movie, though my mind was mostly on Louis.

I must have fallen asleep at some point near the end of the movie because I woke up to a tired looking Louis shaking my shoulder.
"Sorry." I said, blinking a few times to get used to the brightness of the lights. He tugged on the sleeve of my sweater and I look at him curiously, unsure of what he was trying to say.
'Follow me' He typed out, showing me before tugging on my sleeve again and I did as I was told without another word, following him upstairs and into what was obviously his bedroom. He had a bunk bed, one of those ones that have a double bed on the bottom, it was kind of, really adorable. He mouthed a 'sorry' with a blush on his cheeks as he tried to avoid eye contact. His blush only worsened when he climbed up onto the top bunk to pull down the pile of teddy bears that were taking up most of the bed. Despite the teddy bears and bunk bed posted littered his walls, many of bands I liked too.
"I like your music taste. I used to listen to a lot of those bands when I first moved to New York, a lot of the friends I made went to shows like that. I'm more into pop punk now but I still make time to catch some of those bands when they're in town." His eyes seemed to suddenly sparkle at this, and I realized i'd hit a soft spot, that was something he really loved. He dropped the teddy bears and grabbed his phone, feverishly typing out a message.
'Have you seen any of them?'
"Oh sure." I told him, glancing around the room at all the posters he had. "The first show I went to was Bring Me the Horizon but Of Mice and Men were definitely the band that got me really into it."
'Of Mice & Men are my favorite!' He typed and suddenly it seemed like neither of us were really tired anymore. Louis made me close my eyes as he changed into a pair of track pants and a t-shirt but we ended up sitting on the bottom bunk for hours as I told him stories about the shows i'd been to and the people i'd met.
"Maybe I can take you to some shows when you move to New York." I told him and it seemed like the perfect idea as he smiled brightly, nodding despite the fact that he looked a bit like he was about to fall asleep at any moment. He glanced at the time on his phone, which like mine didn't even have a signal out there, and it was three in the morning and just the thought made me yawn tiredly.
"Thanks for letting me stay here, it was really sweet of you." He mouths a 'night' to me and wriggles under the blankets as I tell him a 'goodnight' and climb up onto the top bunk. I didn't even mind that I ended up falling asleep in my jeans and jumper.

-

After that night Louis kind of became my partner in crime. Well, at least my partner in hiding away from the world and all it's horrific weather. It did stop snowing eventually, after about a week and the rain washed it away, making the trek between my parent's house and Louis' so much easier, though it was mostly just for clean clothes. It was strangely comforting how easily we fell into our own little routine and how right it seemed. In the mornings we would sit and have breakfast with Julie while Paul, Louis' dad went off to work in the city during the week and then we'd spend our days watching movies or playing silly boardgames or video games, though I was kind of terrible at the latter and I knew Louis just let me win sometimes. After two weeks of our friendship though my curiosity finally got the better of me and I had to ask why he didn't speak. I was scared he would get mad at me for asking but surely he was expecting me to ask eventually anyway so I finally managed to get up the courage to just sort of blurt the question out.
"Why don't you speak, Louis?" He looked over at me and I could tell his mind had been on other things besides the movie and that neither of us had either actually been paying attention to it.
'I have a speech impediment and it was basically impossible for me to form a proper sentence so I decided this was easier.' He shrugged when I looked up at him, as though it wasn't not a big deal but it made me sad, because I knew he must have gotten bullied for it and that it only made it worse.
"Do you ever sing or anything when you're by yourself?" I asked because it was something I could imagine him doing so vividly, even if I had never heard his voice. A blush formed on his cheeks that gave him away. He tried to hide his blush with the sleeve of his sweater and it was adorable, like so many things he did.
"I bet you have an amazing singing voice, hopefully one day i'll get to hear it. Do you think you'll ever talk again?"
'I hope i'll have the courage for that' He types and I wonder if two weeks is too soon to admit to someone that you're probably in love with them.

-

"I have an idea." I tell him because for the first time since I got back home it was actually kind of hot outside and plus it was Christmas eve, so I figured maybe we should do something a little different from our usual routine of movie watching on the couch. "I thought I could take you somewhere."
'Where?' He writes and I grin at him, suddenly really happy i'd thought of it.
"It's a surprise but it'll be fun, do you think you're up for it?" He nodded and I tugged him up off the couch, eager to get going. "Go get a coat in case it gets cold and we'll head over to my place to get the truck, hopefully mom won't mind." He did as I told him with a curious look and when we get over to my own house after soaking up the warmth of the sun my mom seemed surprised to see me.
"I hear from you even less now than I do when you're in New York."
"Sorry momma, i'll come home tonight, ok?"
"Yeah, so you can have presents tomorrow."
"…Maybe."
"What are you two up to?" She asked.
"We're going on a surprise adventure since it's not a freakin' ice age anymore, do you mind if we borrow the truck?"
"Sure but I expect you back for dinner."
"Can Louis come over for dinner?" I question, not asking him first if he actually wanted to because I knew he wouldn't mind, he seemed to like my family. For all I know he was into my sister, I mean they're almost the same age, I surely hoped not though. Urgh, if my sister ended up with the boy I have an almighty crush on I officially give up on life. I didn't care that he was probably too young for me.
"I think Louis' parents may want him home for dinner tonight."
"Well, they can come over too, please mom?"
"I'll go over and see what Julie's plans are ok? Now get out of my hair."
"Aw, I love you too mom, thanks." She rolled her eyes as a goodbye and I grabbed the keys from the little hanger by the door, Louis following behind after he waved goodbye to my mom.

I take Louis out to this little lake where I used to hang out with my friends when I was younger. It's always busy with kids during summer but since it's the middle of winter there's nobody else in sight, despite the somewhat nice weather and it was nice just sitting there on the little wharf someone's dad once built, our legs dangling just above the water. Louis had a little notepad and pencil, because 'surprise adventures are no place for expensive iPhones', so he told me. We were sitting in a comfortable silence, just appreciating the surroundings and each others company. If it were anyone else I would have found the silence awkward but with Louis it seemed ok to not constantly be chattering on, whether that was because he didn't talk or not, I still wasn't sure.
"Do you like my sister?" I asked eventually, because ever since the thought crossed my mind I suddenly couldn't get it out of my mind. Louis turned his head to me, quirking his eyebrow before he let out a quiet little chuckle. My breath sort of caught in my throat and I stared at him, my face breaking out into a grin at the beautiful little noise. I almost forget what i'd even asked when he pushed the notepad towards me and even as I read the note, 'no i'm not into your sister', I was still thinking about his laugh.
"You have a nice laugh. I wish you laughed more often." He shook his head simply, the smile dropping from his face and his fringe fell in front of his eyes and I knew he didn't want to talk about it so I changed the subject back to my sister. Even though I kind of just wanted to hear him laugh for the rest of my life.
"I'm glad you don't like my sister, she's an annoying little she devil." He wrote something down and toyed with it for a moment, as though he was unsure whether to show me or not but he did in the end.
'I'm gay' it said and it instantly made my heart involuntarily leap because suddenly my feelings, the ones that had come on so hard and so fast that I couldn't even try and pretend they didn't exist, didn't seem so ridiculous. Maybe, there was even just the slightest chance that my feelings weren't one-sided and it made my whole body tingle in excitement and nerves. It may have just been my mind hoping for things I couldn't ever have but I couldn't stop it from running wild with the thought that maybe he could feel the same.
"Do you think–" I asked and he was staring at me kind of intensely and it made me nervous, though I could tell he was nervous about something too. "that you could ever like me?" He stared at me for a long while after that and eventually I had to look down at my lap, my heart rapidly beating and my mind starting to freak out.
'I already like you, you doofus' The note that he pushed into my line of vision read and while one part of my mind was repeating 'he's only 15' over and over, the rest of me was basically jumping for joy. He likes me, he likes me, he likes me.
"Can I keep this?" I asked, referring to the note and he shrugged, though I saw the smile he tried to suppress when I ripped it out and carefully folded it up, already mentally finding a place for it on my cork board in my room at uni. Louis was still sort of half smiling when I looked over at him again, kicking his feet and back and forth.
"Does it make me a pedophile if I want to kiss you?"
'Probably' he mouths, but there was a smile on his lips and a sparkle in his eyes and I knew he won't mind, so I leant forward and softly pressed my lips to his.

We did end up having Christmas eve dinner all together and then on Christmas day itself, after having breakfast with my family I went straight over to see Louis in the new sweater my mom had knitted me, like she did every year. I greeted Louis with a 'merry Christmas' and a kiss on the cheek that made him blush and smile and just generally be extremely cute. He laced our fingers together as we walked into the living room where his parents were sitting and it became apparent that it was his way of showing them what was going on because both of their expressions changed when they saw our hands. Neither of them said a word but there was a small smile on Paul's face and I swear Julie had probably never looked so happy in her life.
"I have a present for you. I had to steal your laptop while you were in the shower to get it the other day, sorry." I told him as I handed over the envelope that i'd drawn a Louis zombie on the front of. He beamed at me before he even opened the envelope, being careful not to rip it so he could keep the little drawing. I'd gotten him– well us, tickets to his favorite band Of Mice & Men in New York.
'Thank you' He mouthed before engulfing me in a warm hug, almost knocking us both backwards. He kissed me on the lips quickly as he did so. I liked kissing Louis a lot I decided, it was my new favorite thing to do. Especially when we pulled away and he was smiling and I knew I was the one putting that smile on his face.
"I thought it'd be fun if you came up to New York for a weekend and I remembered about this and it seemed like the perfect opportunity."
'Greatest gift ever!' He typed and I didn't even care that his parents were in the same room, I kissed him again anyway. It was like I couldn't get enough of those lips, or just him in general. I still don't know how the feelings I had suddenly came on, like a blast but he made me so happy. He pushed a small gift-wrapped box towards me and I thanked him before carefully unwrapping it. Inside was a black cube and when I turned it over I found it was a picture frame with a photo of us. We were sitting on his bed, me with my head on his thigh, my feet up against the bottom of the top bunk, Louis staring down at me as I looked at an album booklet. It was kind of adorable and I wasn't sure how either of us had been so oblivious to each others feelings, it seemed so obvious now.
"This is so perfect, Lou. You have no idea, thank you so much! How did you even take this?"
'I set up a timer and left my camera on my desk. I just thought it might make a cool sequence.'
"This is so wonderful, just– thank you so much." He smiled before looking down at the tickets he still had in his hand, his smile going wider before he did a little shimmy of excitement in his place.
'Of Mice and Men!' He mouthed excitedly and I was beyond happy I had thought of such an idea at that moment, he seemed so utterly overjoyed with the tickets.
'I like your sweater so much.' He told me after he'd calmed down a little bit and we were just sitting on the couch playing thumb wars occasionally.
"Isn't it the greatest? Mom makes me a new one every Christmas, I literally have a draw full of them, maybe I can give you one?" He noded enthusiastically before he leaned over and kissed my cheek, rubbing his nose against my cheek.
'Thanks' He mouthed.

-

Saying goodbye kind of sucked, a whole lot. I'd never felt the urge to stay in that small little hometown but suddenly with Louis there I had never wanted to leave. The short amount of time we had together seemed to pass by before I could even catch my breath and suddenly my dad was sitting in the truck waiting to take me back to New York and Louis was standing in front of me on the porch looking bewildered and just really, really sad.
"Fuck." I said as I hugged him tightly, kissing his cheek and never really wanting to let go. I knew we would get to talk every day (thank goodness for the Internet) but it still wasn't the same, having him there, getting to know that I could make him smile and just be in his presence.
"Skype date at 5pm sharp, ok?" He nodded into my shoulder and I could feel my shirt starting to dampen indicating that he was crying. "I'll see you in a few months ok, it'll go by so quickly you won't even know what happened." I reassured, though I wasn't sure who I was trying to reassure more, him or myself. He kissed me on the lips softly before pulling away, wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his sweater.

-

As soon as I opened the door I was attacked in a hug by Louis, the feeling of his body finally next to mine made my mind and entire body sigh in relief. I hadn't had much sleep in the past few days, trying to get all my assignments finished before Louis arrived for the weekend. But having him there, in my arms, it all just disappeared.
"I love you." He said into my ear, not a trace of a stutter in his voice and I almost thought I was dreaming at first. As he squeezed my sides I knew it was real though and I was glad he was holding onto me otherwise I may have collapsed because I felt so light headed and weak at the knees. He loves me. And he was speaking.
"I love you." He repeated again, so much confidence in his quiet voice. I didn't want to let him go, even though his father was right behind him and my roommates were all sitting in our tiny living room watching us. "I've been p–practicing, es–s–specially t–that."
"Shit, Louis." I said into his hair, my senses being flooded with the sweet scent of his shampoo. "I love you too, so much, you know that right? And your voice– it's so beautiful, I never want to stop hearing you talk." Paul coughs awkwardly so rather reluctantly we both pull away, a little sheepish.
"Have a good weekend, ok? I expect you to text me every day. No drugs and no alcohol."
"T–thanks d–daddy." Louis stuttered out and I know it's totally wrong that i'm into a 15-year-old, and I realize that when he does stuff like call his father 'daddy' but I just can't help it, he's sort of perfect.
"What about no sex?" My friend calls, making them all laugh and Louis and I both blush profusely.
"Just– use condoms." That had my friends laughing even more, and even when Paul left they were still laughing, one of them pulling out a condom and waving it at us, asking if we needed it. You would think they were the ones that were still in their teens.
"You're here." I said, pulling him close to me again, resting my forehead against him and completely ignoring my friends, too overjoyed by Louis' presence.
"I–i'm here."
"And you're talking."
"A–also, I love you." He said again and I didn't think it was possible to be any happier.