Reckless

Louisa.

"Oh, fuck it no."

My eyes opened slowly, adjusting to the sun bursting through the open doors of the balcony. Looking down I noticed the baggy graphic tee over my body mixed with a moderate headache. Suddenly I started to remember more of last night, and with one look out the balcony, there was a smile on my lips.

Josh was sitting there, pen dangling from his fingers as he stared at the horizon humming. He looked focused, and a bit like an idiot.

"Dammit." Josh's focus broke as he shook his head quickly and scribbled out something in his brown notebook before the humming and staring resumed.

Slowly I stood up from the bed, brushing out the baggy shirt, and walking out to the doorway of the balcony. A soft smile remained on my lips as Josh wrote down a few words, his head nodding as if there was a song playing somewhere that only he could hear.

"How's it goin?"

Josh jumped, looking back at me with a startled expression. "Fuck, Lou, I nearly just shat myself."

"In that case I'll try and scare you more next time," I laughed, taking a seat in the chair across from him, "but what are you up to?"

"Just writing. But it's going to shit."

I nodded slowly. "Why is that?"

"I just can't think of the right word for this god damn song," Josh ran his hands through his hair and let out a long sigh, "it's nearly perfect. I just need the right way to set it off and it's not coming to me."

"Well what's it about?"

Josh sighed. "You know what, never mind, I'll figure it-"

"No, come on!"

"Louie, just leave it."

I looked over at him. "Embarrassed, are we? Come on, I'm not going to make fun of you. Once we figure it out I'll take you to breakfast. Endless sides of bacon."

"Fine." Josh grumbled. "It's basically just about... the gain of freedom from another person. I just have this one bit done, but I think I know where the song would go. In a sense, it's just the loss of innocence because of someone else and it's all a bit unexpected."

I nodded, looking at the ground before looking back up at Josh. "So it's reckless?"

Josh paused, staring back at me like his jaw was about to drop before scribbling something at the top of the page, a smile forming.

"You're a genius." Josh said quickly, closing his notebook. "But all I'm hearing is endless bacon?"

I hadn't pegged Josh as someone who would be shy about his music. He always seemed so proud of what he did, so sure of it all. But maybe it was the judgement. Like in a lot of ways, Josh put up a front of not caring what people thought or did. In the end, maybe that's all it was: a front. Maybe he did care more than normal, more than people gave him credit for.

As we walked into the breakfast place, I couldn't help but watch Josh as he opened the doors for me and generally looked back in my direction constantly. Like he was protecting me, or making sure I didn't leave him.

Josh and I got seats outside, smiles on both of our faces.

"Do we know where Dan ended up last night?" I asked, thinking about how he hadn't gotten back to the hotel room.

Josh shrugged. "Dunno. Probably crashed somewhere."

I'm guessing this was a common occurrence. "You guys seem close."

"Yeah, but he can be kind of a twat."

I laughed. "How so?"

"Just about stuff, he always gets on my back and teases me and shit about girls he thinks I fancy. He's really quite immature. Plus he never shuts up about the damn girl programs..." Josh's voice trailed off.

I bit my lip, looking up at Josh. "What's he said about me, then?"

Josh's cheeks turned a bright pink, a soft smile on his lips like I'd just called him out on downloading porn.

"You know, like-"

"LOUISA DEAR?"

At the sight of that smug, red-lipstricked grin under big brown circular sunglasses and a mop of dyed blonde hair, I was sure: this was a nightmare.

But this was a nightmare beyond nightmares.

As she got closer, and my heart began to sink faster and faster, I was sure this was it. This was the end of times, the end of everything. I prepared to sink into oblivion. Lord knows I'd rather brave that then this horrific sight: my mother.

"M-Meredith?!" I stammered, looking from her to Josh. He looked equally horrified.

"Louisa honey, I did not expect to see you out! I was just headed back from the boutique a block out, and oh my, I'm sorry! Where are my manners?" She turned to Josh. "I'm Meredith, Louisa's mother."

Josh forced out a smile. He wasn't very good at that. "Josh."

"Oh, but we've met!? In the taxi!"

"Right." Josh nodded again, obviously unsure of what to say and equally as shocked as I was.

"Well, I didn't know you two had kept in touch," Meredith said in her best sly tone, "but it's not to see Louisa getting to know some new groups of people. Now Louisa, I'm headed back, and maybe it would be in your interest to join me? We have a gala in about an hour, I hope you remembered, and if Josh here can't pick up the check I'm sure we can-"

"No." Josh stopped her. "I got it."

His eyes remained with my mothers, who was now looking over at me. But I wasn't even sure if this was really happening anymore.

Meredith coughed. "Louisa, let's go then."

"Just um," I looked from her to a very beaten looking Josh, "get a cab. I'll be there in a second."

With pursed lips, Meredith nodded and walked out into the street to hail down a cab. Slowly I stood up, Josh's eyes not bearing to look at me.

"Josh, look, I'm really sorry-"

"I don't really care." Josh snapped before shaking his head. "I'll call you later."

I bit my lip. "Can you come over tonight after recording? Please? Just come up the fire escape, and I'll be there, and we can go out and do something. Please."

Josh sighed, not answering and still not looking at me.

"Josh, please."

He nodded slowly. "Sure. In a few hours."

"LOUISA!"

I looked down at him, wanting to say more and wanting to do more, but I couldn't. Josh was ticked and he had every right to be. Meredith outed the fact that I had been lying about who I'd been hanging out with. It was my own fault, but it didn't stop me from giving her the stink eye as I slid into the cab.

It was silent which I was fine with.

"He's quite different." Until now.

I nodded slowly. "He's a really nice guy once you get to know him."

"Oh, I'm not doubting your taste in friends Louisa." My mom turned to me. "Just remember what I've said all along. People like that, people less cultured and refined, are never going to work in a world like ours. So whatever is going on with you two, and I don't want to know nor do I care, needs to stop as soon as possible. You're only going to hurt the poor boy."

"I'm not trying to bring him into this world. We're just friends-"

Meredith sighed, a new huskiness to her voice. "It needs to end."

"You have no idea what you're talking about."

"I know that he's the kind of boy that makes you think that way he lives is acceptable for someone like you. Sorry dear, but it's simply not. He's chosen his life, and you've chosen yours-"

A laugh escaped my lips. "Have I?"

The cab pulled to the curb and I slid out before Meredith could say another word.

"Louisa!"

I ignored her, smiling at a nodding, reassuring George before running into the elevator and closing the doors before my mother could catch up in her heels. Once I reached the flat I ran for the stairs.

"LOUISA."

"WHAT!?" I turned to face a very unhappy looking Meredith appearing from the elevator beside mine.

"How dare you!" Meredith walked towards me. "I've given you everything, everything, and you dare say that I haven't given you a choice in your life!?"

I shook my head. "When did you ever ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up? College? Prep schools? My friends? None of them were ever up to me. It was always what you wanted for me, what you thought I should accept."

"It's only what's best for you-"

"That's bullshit."

"You are out of line." Meredith shook her head, taking a dangerous step towards me. "What is bringing all of this on, Louisa? That damn boy-"

I couldn't take this anymore. "IT'S NOT ABOUT JOSH. Can you please understand that!? It's about me, wanting to do what I want with my life and sorry to break it to you, but sometimes, it's not what you want. I'm done being a doll to you and I'm done living under your-"

Suddenly, I felt a hard SMACK hit my cheek. My body moved to the side to caution the blow, my hand moving to my stinging cheek.

It was only as I looked up that I realized: Meredith had slapped me.

"Mom." I whimpered out, my lips trembling as the first tears began to strain down my cheeks. Quickly I shook my head, Meredith staring back at me with a look in her eyes that told me she was just as scared about what had happened as I was. But she wasn't the one with the red cheek: she was the one with the red hands.

"Louisa!"

But this time, I was really done. I closed my door and locked it, moving away quickly and turning to my mirror to see my sore cheek. It still stung, but in reality, what really stung was the feeling in my chest and the ringing in my brain.

Suddenly my head started to go fuzzy, and my vision blurred. It was all too much. Before I could manage out another step, I fell onto my bed into a fast sleep.



"Louie?"

My eyes peeled open, my ears ringing. I felt like I couldn't breathe. But at the sight of those warm blue eyes staring back at me, I didn't feel so alone. I felt my lip tremble. I wasn't sure how long I'd been asleep, but had I been crying the whole time? By the feeling of dampness on my cheeks, I was thinking the answer was yes.

"Josh." I said, tears coming back.

"What's wrong?" He brushed the hair from my eyes, his body crouched beside my bed. My hand went to my cheek, Josh's eyes widening. "You have a bruise, Louie, what the fuck happened?"

Tears flew down my cheeks. By the look in Josh's eyes, he was putting together the pieces of the puzzle. Quickly he stood up, moving to my door and gripping the handle.

"JOSH STOP." I said quickly, sitting up as the blood rushed to my head. "Just please, don't."

"Louie, are you fucking kidding me!? She can't do that to you, she can't. I won't let that happen, you better fucking-"

I shook my head, grabbing his hand as he walked back over to me and laying back down on the bed. "Just stay with me. Please."

Josh paused, leaving down on the bed. His eyes were still glued to the door, his fists still clenched. I took his hand in mind, unraveling the fist and entangling out fingers. Slowly his eyes met mine and he nodded, leaning down and planting a kiss on my forehead.

"Okay."

He laid down beside me, scooping my body in his arms and letting my head rest on his chest.

"Go to sleep." Josh whispered, rubbing my back slowly. "I'll be right here."

I closed my eyes. "Promise?"

"Always."