Reckless

Louisa.

1 day, 13 hours, and approximately 24 minutes.

That's how long I'd gone without speak to or seeing my mother. To state things bluntly, I'd never felt better. This could be because she had slapped me across the face or because she in general brought down my moods, but I'd like to think it was because of my new company. Specifically, Josh.

As I stared at my face in the mirror, I watched as it lit up at the thought of him. He was a giant dork, and somewhat of an idiot, but there was so much charm there. He made me feel something. If anything, he was a distraction. But a hell of a beautiful, enjoyable one. There was never a dull moment. Looking back, it seemed like before Josh my life was an entirely dull moment. I didn't want to go back to that.

I heard the front door open and close, and immediately my heart skipped in pace. Quickly I jumped off my chair and ran to the stairs, peering out of the railing look for those pale blue eyes.

Instead, I was met with a pair of cold hazels. Within a moment, the streak was broken.

"Looking for someone?" Meredith squinted at me, without missing a beat.

"Um," I stammered, pulling at my sweater, "no. I just wasn't expecting you. What are you doing home?"

Meredith put her hands on her hips. "Don't tell me you forgot about the Editor's Dinner tonight. And if you did remember, I'm going to need reassurance that you plan to change."

Dammit. I'd completely forgotten. This dinner happened every single year. Also annually, I felt like killing myself in the midst of these preppy, snotty people with their heads so far up their asses I wondered how they kept a straight face. I couldn't deal with the bullshit. I suffocated under it all.

Even worse, any minute now Josh was going to-

The doors to the apartment opened once more and I swallowed hard.

"You should really work on locking these doors love, you're going to get bloody robbed-"

Josh walked in with a smile on his face and a spirit to his step. That quickly faded as my mother's eyes met his, her body turned away from the stairs and towards the door. But I could see the smug look on her lips. She couldn't have planned it better if she tried.

"Well hello, you're Josh?"

I was stunned she chose to get his name right. Josh was just as perplexed. Half of me expected him to smile, to outstretch his hand and play nice.

Instead his jaw clenched, his smile forced. I could practically read his mind: the only thing he was thinking about was what Meredith had done. He stared at her with daggers in his eyes.

"Sorry to barge in." Josh uttered out with a lack of sincerity. "Louie didn't tell me you'd be home."

Meredith didn't flinch. "She was just about to get changed for a magazine event tonight, actually."

I didn't know what to say or do, so I just stood there like a fucking idiot watching my mom stare Josh down with her demon eyes. Which is why the next events made me want to fall on the floor.

"If you're not busy, Joshua, you could accompany Louisa as her date. She hasn't gone a year without one. I'm sure we have a suit that would fit you."

Josh's eyes darted to my shaking head for a moment over my mother's shoulder. If he could read my mind, he would be reading a sequence of "no" and "you don't have to". Not that I expected him to want to, of course. But if he thought this was some way to show commitment, he was mistaken.

"I'd love to."

"Josh, stop you don't-"

"Louisa dear," my mother turned back to me, "don't be rude. Now take your friend upstairs and have him try on some suits. And get changed as well, something nice."

I didn't have time to object as Josh darted past my mother and to my side, leading the way up my stairs. My heart was beating out of my chest. Josh might not see it, but I did. My mother was playing at something. She had some kind of sick, twisted game going on inside of her head. Josh did not need to play a role.

"What are you doing!?"

Josh turned back to me, his eyes wide as if he was acting innocent. "I'm going to try on some suits so I can accompany you to a party."

"Stop," I grabbed his arm, "you don't need to do this. I don't want you to."

"You think I'm going to let you spend a minute alone with that woman after what she did to you?"

I paused. "Josh, she's doing this on purpose. I need you to leave before this all gets worse. Please."

Josh took my hands in his, my eyes still glued to the floor. I didn't want to see him right now. I wasn't sure what he or my mother was playing at, but I hated it. Slowly I felt his hand tip up my chin so I had to stare back.

"Just calm down," he whispered, "and get me a suit. I'm here. We'll be fine. I promise."

And for a moment, I believed him.

That was my first mistake.



"This is real life?"

Josh's eyes peered around the room as I nodded. "Yep."

The room was filled with people, all dressed up and made up to be perfect. My mother was off, shaking hands and kissing cheeks like she was the queen of England. Here, she was. She embraced every minute of it.

I slipped my hand into Josh's and squeezed.

"You wanted to do this."

"Still do!" He chirped up, his face forcibly eager. "Shall we-"

"Louisa! Joshua! Over here!"

Josh bit his lip as I pulled him towards my mother, her hand waving us towards a table in the center of the room. All eyes were on my mother. Meaning, when we got closer, all eyes would be on us. I loosened by grip on Josh's hand slightly. Immediately I felt Josh squeeze it once more.

I forced out a smile as my mom put her arm around my shoulders, almost forcing Josh off to the side and out of my touch.

"Everyone, you remember my beautiful daughter Louisa."

A chorus of smiles went around the table as I smiled, waiting for my mother to continue her kind hand to Josh by introducing him to the table of assholes in front of me.

It was an introduction that apparently wasn't going to come.

Meredith pulled out my seat and I sat down, peering behind me to see Josh's unhappy face. He smirked and shook his head before seating himself beside me. I looked over at him, trying to find the words to say.

"I'm sorry." I felt like that wasn't good enough.

Josh didn't look at me. "It's fine."

I looked away from him and towards my mother, who had a smug look on her face as she peered over the table. Soon dinner was served, and everyone was eating and chatting about magazine things that I failed to understand. For someone that was around this magazine for most of her life, I knew shit about it. This was probably due to the fact that I didn't care. Josh was quiet. Whatever he had wanted to accomplish tonight was deep in the gutter.

Suddenly Meredith set down her silverware. "Now, where are my manners? Everyone, this is Louisa's friend Josh."

I froze for a moment before peering over at my "friend". He smiled shyly, waving as all eyes turned to him. Instantly, they were judging and my blood was boiling.

"Josh is in a band," Meredith went on, making a face at the word 'band' like it was a new phrase, "he's here recording a new album all the way from England. Isn't that right?"

Josh coughed. "Um, yeah. It's been fun. I love LA, Louie," he stopped himself, "Louisa has been nice enough to show me around."

The table smiled slightly, still a bit put off as they sensed an outsider.

"Is your band successful overseas?"

"Somewhat." Josh shrugged. "We tour constantly, we work hard. We're having a bloody good time doing it. So yes, I'd say we are moderately successful in what we do."

Meredith laughed just loud enough so all attention turned to her. "I didn't hear any mention of money though!"

I turned to Josh, his face heating up as he laughed softly and set down his fork. "I'm not really in the business for the money. We make enough, and there is always room for more, but that's the expense you pay for doing what you love."

"Have you ever thought about what your future holds after your band is over?" A man asked from across the table with a hideously short mustache. "Lord knows those sorts of things can't last forever."

Josh swallowed. "Not really. I'm hoping we can last quite long."

"Doesn't everyone say that in that sort of industry?"

"Mom." I whispered sharply.

Meredith laughed. "It's true dear! Stability is key. In an industry like that, you either make it or you don't. Money or not. And I'd say you better have a plan. That's life dear."

I couldn't look at Josh. I closed my eyes tightly and looked down at my plate of gross, fancy foods and prayed I was somewhere else. But that didn't last long. I heard Josh set down his fork on his plate with a clash.

"I'll be right back." He whispered sharply.

I smiled at the table. "Excuse us."

Meredith gave me a face but I ignored it. Josh was paces ahead of me as he ran out into the hall, his hands running through his hair. He stood with his back turned to me as I looked at him, my heart beating against my chest. For the third time today, I had no idea what to say or what to do.

"Josh, I-"

"Oh, brilliant!" Josh turned around. "You've spoken! I was afraid you'd lost the ability!"

I looked up at him. "What's the matter?"

"Are you kidding me!? Lou, you're mother is picking me apart out there and you are just sitting there doing nothing. And now you're going to ask me what's wrong, like you don't fuckin' know?"

I bit my lip. "Josh, I'm sorry. I can't just do that you should know how hard it is for me-"

"No, apparently I don't." He hissed. "Because last I remembered I was the one sitting up with you all night last night after your mother hit you in the face. And now you're standing up for her? Louie, please, open your eyes."

"I'm sorry." I said, my eyes welling up. "I didn't, I mean, I just wasn't."

Josh nodded slowly, his eyes softening as he touched my arm.

"Is everything alright?"

Soon his touch left me.

"Fine."

Josh stared back at me, biting his lip. "I'm just going. Thank you for the dinner."

"Josh, wait-"

He turned back for a moment. "I'll um, I'll see you."

Helplessly, I stood by my mother's side as I watched Josh walk out the doors and into the street. My mother nodded, her face smug and slightly arrogant. And there it was: the plan working out perfectly, just the way she'd planned.

"I told you, dear." Meredith looked down at me, her eyes as cold as ever. "It just doesn't mix."