Reckless

Louisa.

"No, no, no," Meredith pointed to my feet as she paused by the car, "heels darling, be serious."

I groaned and turned, walking back into the house and tossing the comfy keds off my feet in the place of some red pumps Meredith would approve of. They would make my feet feel the fires of hell by the end of the day, but at least I wouldn't get anymore shit from my mother.

She smiled as I slid in the backseat beside her and the driver took off. I had been on edge every since last night when I'd kissed Josh. I couldn't stop thinking about how or why I'd done it: it was like I wasn't myself, like I wasn't really thinking. But as strange as I felt about it now, it felt so right. And there was a small part of me that wished I didn't have to push him away.

At least Meredith didn't know about him, that would be even worse. As long as he was my secret, there was less room for me to hurt him.

"Louisa, do you remember that boy in the cab a few weeks ago? The british one, with the urban outfit?"

Shit.

"Um, uh, well, I'm not sure. Maybe."

Meredith paused, looking over at my guilt stricken face. "Well, I was reading an article in the paper this morning and I swore I recognized the boy in the picture. Turns out, he's in a band recording an album here. Turns out his band is pretty relevant in the United Kingdom. Isn't that just the funniest thing you've heard? What a coincidence!"

I laughed nervously. "Oh, you don't say?"

"I could definitely see a boy who looks like him doing that though."

"What do you mean?"

Meredith paused and turned to me. "I couldn't see him being a doctor or something useful, you know? He's not exactly clean cut, that's all I'm saying Louisa."

"He has a clothing line too."

As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I wanted to push them back in. Meredith looked over at me with a curious look in her eyes. I shook my hands quickly, adding more nervous laughter.

"I mean, I read that he did." I paused. "But I'm sure his band makes people happy, Meredith. That's what musics for, right?"

"It's just a curious way to make a living."

I nodded slowly. "I'm sure they enjoy it."

"It's just interesting dear, that is all I'm trying to get across to you. I'm sure they are very ambitious, but they're not going to be exactly wealthy. And you have no idea where they have been."

I laughed softly. "They're not a piece of gum."

The driver pulled up to the strip of shops and Meredith sighed as we got out of the car and approached a store.

"Oh, and did I mention I'm going out tonight with some of the ladies from work, dear?"

"Nope."

"Well I am," Meredith said matter-of-factly, "so why don't you call up Sophie or Trevor and have a night out as well?"

I forced out a smile as I opened up the door for my mom. "What a splendid idea." Luckily the topic was dropped as soon as Meredith caught sight of the new Chanel bags.

I would rather be stabbed in the foot by a plastic fork then shop with Meredith, but here I was, waiting for a fork to be plunged through this heels. Sadly, it never came.

I let Meredith wander off my herself and made my way to the back of the store, trying to get my mind off of everything. Yesterday was crazy, and Meredith was not soothing my pains this morning. Sometimes I wished I had a mom I could talk to about things, or just be honest with. But Meredith was never like that and never would be.

Maybe that's why being with Josh was so freeing. Sure, he was an asshole, but he let me be honest and real.

Slowly, I slipped my phone out of my purse. I typed out:

I'm sorry about last night. Make it up to you over some beers tonight??

I hoped Josh wasn't too mad. He seemed pissed, but he had every right to be. I'd pushed the guy out my fire escape after kissing him randomly. I was sending so many fucking mixed signals and it wasn't fair.

I wasn't one to hide my feelings from myself. I felt attracted to Josh, and I liked being around him. Even more importantly, I liked kissing him.

Within seconds, I got a text back that brought a smile to my face and made today seem a lot more promising.

The lads and I are going out, but you're encouraged to join. When should I expect you? :)