No Medicine Will Cut It

Goodbye
Well, I crushed from afar for nine months.

And we somewhat grew closer.

We would talk during class. (Actually you would talk and I would laugh at what you said and make a complete fool of myself.)

You sang to me on my birthday. (That was sweet. I still hear you singing in my head.)

And we just... co-existed. (Yeah, I know, that's stupid. But I needed a third thing to add and that seemed like the best thing to describe what you and I did.)

But finally, the end of the year came and I had to make a decision: tell you and risk rejection... or don't tell you, and spend the rest of forever wondering, "What if?"

So, I decided to tell you. On the last day of school. Because if opportunity doesn't knock, you build a door.

That day, you barely said hello to me. It's the short hellos...

A smile, a wave and a whispered, "Ryder!"

I loved the way you said my name. You always either sang it (Ryyyyy-deeeer!) or you whispered for only me to hear, like it was our secret.

You were the only one who said my name that way.

Anyway, as the day went on, I grew nervous. I was beginning to consider my second option. But my best friend Rynaldi convinced me otherwise.

She convinced me to write it in your yearbook.

Actually... she wrote it.

I'm sure you could tell by the difference in handwriting.

And after that, I completely avoided you.

I fled the room. And while I was gone, everyone in the room was reading what I'd written and talking about it.

So, here's how things went down. Rynaldi asked you what you thought after reading that.

You... pleaded the fifth.

And then she asked if you liked me back. You answered no.

And one of your friends asked. You answered yes.

And Rynaldi asked again. You told her maybe.

And this was what I was informed of before I reentered the room.

And when I entered, nobody said anything, except my friends. They spoke to me as if nothing had happened, making me laugh and talking to me normally.

And you stood with your friends talking and laughing, staring at me every now and then, as if you didn't think I'd catch you.

And I was still extremely embarrassed.

But Literature Studies finally ended and I walked toward our next class alone.

You were walking behind me. "Ryder," you whispered my name, just like always.

I slowed down, smiling. You put your arm around my shoulder hugging me into you.
"Goodbye," you whispered. I smiled and you walked on.

And the long goodbyes...

That doesn't seem too long, but here's the thing...

I feel like I'm still saying goodbye to you.

Like I'll be saying goodbye forever.