Lightning Moments

I didn’t want to move her. As she breathed deeply, her chest rising every few seconds, her eyelashes brushing against her cheekbone, her head and hand resting on my chest, I tried to look anywhere but her. Watching her sleep was probably one of the creepiest things I could do, but there wasn’t much else that could keep my attention, given the location of the two of us when she’d started to cry.

I couldn’t believe what she’d told me. I couldn’t imagine living life without a sibling that I’d been close to. The one sister I did have was off at university, and while the two of us fought more than anything else, I’d still have been devastated if I lost her. And once I’d gotten over it, if my mind started giving me flashbacks about what happened, then I’d all but go crazy.

She snuffled a little bit against me before nestling her face into my t-shirt, looking like a toddler who desperately needed her mother’s warmth and heartbeat for comfort. The sound of her breath was slow and soothing, and it almost lulled me into a shallow sleep myself.

But just as I felt myself starting to slip away, my mobile lit up and vibrated next to me with a text from Louis. Mate where r u ur dad just rang my house asking 4 u

My eyes widened with fear as they looked down at Mika again. I needed to figure out a way to move her without waking her up. It was obvious she hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before, and it was important for her to catch up a little bit.

Moving as slowly as I could and holding my breath, I eased my way from underneath her and got into a crouching position before hooking my arms underneath her and pulling her close against my chest. She stirred for a second, settling her head against my tensed bicep, before falling into her deep sleep again.

I moved quickly to deposit her into her bed and tucked her in. For a second, I was tempted to plant a kiss against her forehead, but I decided against it. I didn’t want her to think I was a creep or anything if she was somewhat awake and could feel and hear everything that was going on, but kept her eyes shut and pretended to sleep for my sake. She knew me well enough to realize that I’d feel massively guilty if I woke her up, whether it was on purpose or by accident.

Once Mika was settled, I hurried back downstairs, grabbed my jacket, and ran out the door into the clear, frigid night, going as quickly as I could. Although my house wasn’t close in the least, it wasn’t too hard for me to make it to my house without stopping, thanks to my years of running track and cross-country. My breath was forming little clouds in the air in front of me, dissipating in little wisps. The image would have been pretty if my heart wasn’t pounding in my chest with pure, mind-numbing fear.

The second my hand touched the freezing doorknob of my front door, it seemed to get yanked out without me controlling it at all. And there stood my father, angrier than I’d ever seen him before, his face nearly purple and the all-too-familiar veins sticking out of his neck. If I had been Louis, I would have told him to start breathing before he gave himself an aneurysm. But because I was Liam, weak, feeble Liam, I just stared at him and tried not to cry at the knowledge of what was soon to come.

“Where the bloody hell were you?” he screamed before he even bothered to close the door behind him, a mistake that he’d never made before. “Do you realize what time it is?”

I hadn’t, but a fast glance at the clock informed me that it was after eleven. Which was way past my curfew on school nights, especially if I forgot to take out the trash and do the dishes, as I had that afternoon.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, staring down at the toes of my trainers and wrapping my arms around myself in a sad attempt to keep warm. “My friend needed me, so I had to go be a comfort for her.”

“Her?” My father looked so angry that he could spit in my face. “Liam, you’re pulling bad enough grades! If you enter a girl into the mix, it’s just going to get worse and worse. Get your arse in here.”

Before I could take a step forward and follow directions the civil way, my father grabbed the front of my shirt and yanked me into the foyer, slamming the door behind me. I jumped at the sudden noise, adrenaline pumping through my veins even faster than before.

“What do you have to say for yourself?” Dad screeched, throwing his hands up in the air. I was getting ever more worried that the vein on his neck would burst open and spray us both with blood and guts, as it seemed to protrude more and more as he spoke.

But I didn’t have anything to say. Nothing I expressed would be good enough for him. He’d freak out at me either way, and this kind of screaming had nothing to do with how much he cared. Normal parents, when they were worried or scared, yelled for a minute before pulling their kid close. My father just lived on shoving me away. And maybe it was because he was afraid that he’d get too close to me, only to have me die like my mother, but it was still no excuse.

Plus, that probably wasn’t the reason, anyway. I was trying to make a Lifetime movie out of my situation, where everything had a moral after all the tension, but nothing worked like that.

“LIAM,” Dad screamed again, snapping me out of my thoughts. “ANSWER ME, FOR GOD’S SAKE.”

“I can’t, Dad,” I responded in a low, calm voice. “I was helping a friend through something hard. And even if she is a girl, we’re still just friends. If you don’t want to accept that, then it’s your problem, not mine.”

With that, I brushed by him and started toward the stairs, hoping desperately to escape into the solace of my bedroom, where everything was warm and welcoming, as opposed to harsh and critical like the rest of the house.

“Liam, get back here!” Dad shouted, his thunderous footsteps pounding after me. “Do not walk away from me! I’m not done talking to you!”

I didn’t even acknowledge that he’d spoken, focusing only on the steps in front of me, being extra cautious to avoid tripping over them.

“LIAM JAMES PAYNE! GET YOUR ARSE BACK DOWN HERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT.”

There was a short quiet as I reached the top step, taking in a deep breath to calm my shot nerves. And then, just as I felt my pulse start to slow and went to turn toward my room, I sensed something coming up behind me. I had just enough time to duck out of the way before the piece of glass shattered on the wall in front of me, narrowly avoiding my head.

My father had never thrown anything at me before. He’d screamed until his head threatened to pop off, he’d taken things away from me in punishment, and he’d told me more times than I could count that my mother would be disgusted at how I turned out. But he’d never tried to hurt me.

I turned to him with wide, tearful eyes to see that he was in a similar state. He stared down at his large hands in shock, probably wondering how in the world he’d mustered up enough hatred toward me to do such a thing.

“Liam,” he breathed in a voice barely above a whisper, “I…”

I didn’t wait to find out the end of that sentence, running into my room and slamming the door behind me, flicking up the lock so he’d have to break down the door to enter.

And while he stomped up the stairs, calling apology after excuse, I threw some clothes and other major essentials into a duffel bag from my closet. He struggled to turn the doorknob, still screaming and pounding, while I opened up my window and threw my bag down. It got smaller and smaller before it finally made a soft thumping noise against the grass below.

I stared down at the bag beneath me and swallowed before leaping down, trying to keep my knees bent so I absorbed the shock from the fall properly. When I landed, my ankle started to ache, but I knew it was nothing serious.

So I threw the bag over my shoulder and started to run toward Louis’, ignoring the irritating sensation of the bag hitting against my side with every step I took. I needed to get out of there, where I wasn’t wanted or loved. I’d never been welcome since my mother died, not to sound like a walking cliché.

As I ran, even though I was heading toward Louis’, knowing that his parents would be the coolest about an unexpected guest at midnight, I thought about Mika. I thought about calling her to tell her about what happened.

But the thought just made the lump in my throat get bigger, and I shoved it away. I couldn’t afford to cry if I was going to be staying with Louis. I didn’t want to tip him off that things were more serious than they were, and I definitely didn’t want to look like a wimp.

When I finally reached Louis’ house, I rang the doorbell and stepped back, trying to look as innocent as possible. Part of me wanted to say, when he asked me why I was there, that I was just in the neighborhood and decided to stop in. And somehow had half my closet and all the contents of my bathroom tucked away into my bag, purely by coincidence.

Louis answered the door about three minutes later, his eyes sagging with exhaustion, his hair sticking up every which way on top of his head. “Liam?” he mumbled in a thick voice. “What are you doing?”

I swallowed and decided against telling him the whole story that night. It was late, he was tired, and both of us needed to try to get some sleep for school. “I thought maybe you’d be lonely?” I suggested a sweet voice. “Up for a sleepover?”

He looked confused and slightly irritated that I was showing up without a reason, but in the end, he moved to the side and admitted me into his home.

Soon enough, he showed me to one of the six guest rooms in the house, the one that was closest to his own bedroom. “You have your own bathroom,” he explained. “So feel free to shower if you want to.”

I flushed slightly, noticing that he was eyeing the sweat that was practically pouring off me from having run so far. “Thanks,” I responded. “I appreciate it.”

He nodded and bid me goodnight before disappearing into the hallway again, pulling the door to the bedroom closed behind him.

Dwelling in the silence, I rummaged through my bag and pulled out a pair of boxers that I could wear to sleep before going into the bathroom and shutting the door behind me. I certainly wasn’t looking forward to the next day, when Louis was sure to question me until I had no more resistance and broke the news to him about the events of that night. And maybe he deserved to know, considering he was my best friend.

Shaking my head, I managed to shove the thoughts out of my head and stepped into the hot spray of the shower, letting it unravel the knots in my muscles and the tension surrounding me. And once the warmness dissolved my tough exterior, I let the silent tears fall, letting them mingle with the water until I could no longer discern one from the other.