Lightning Moments

As he leaned over me, I couldn’t help but smile. Those two boys were absolutely hilarious. I could get used to hanging around them if it weren’t for the fact that I had a whole set of problems that they wouldn’t want to delve into. However, for the time being, they didn’t need to know about my past. I wanted these boys by my side. They made me feel better. They seemed to clear my head of everything that was tangling into a mess of thoughts and memories. They were, in a way, a refuge.

I already knew the basics of oxidation problems, so it only took a few minutes to understand how to complete one. Liam was a great help, but in reality, I was having an off day when I took that exam. The thing was, I couldn’t say, “no” to him. I felt like I could trust him and his warm brown eyes; they were inviting and trusting. He was also very gentle and kind.

My subconscious was telling me to trust him. Naturally, I did just that. After years of keeping people away, I let him in. I was going to trust the boy with the chocolate brown eyes. My mind screamed at me to tell him everything. However, my mind didn’t need to scream anything; I was going to tell him without the coaxing my mind was prepared to throw at me.

Then again, I wasn’t going to tell him with Louis in the room. I loved Louis, but I wasn’t sure if he could keep a secret. I was sure if Ms. Spears came up to him about it, he would crack under pressure and tell her everything.

“Hey, could we take a break or something?” I looked up at Liam and he stopped explaining the problem.

He fumbled with his words. “Umm, sure. W-we could go outside and eat if you want. I’m famished. Wow, I sound like Niall.” He chuckled to himself.

“That would be nice.” I smiled at him.

Louis had a smirk playing on his lips as he watched us. He pretended to be writing something down, but knowing Louis, he was up to something; he was always up to something.

Liam looked at him after trailing my line of vision to the mischievous boy. His face confirmed my thoughts. “Lou, can you come with me to make some sandwiches? I know you aren’t actually writing anything down…” he said. “Oh, Mika, what kind of sandwich do you want?”

“Hey! For your information, I was writing down those Louis Structure things,” defended Louis.

“First of all, they are called Lewis Structures. Second of all, you draw them. And third of all, come help me with the sandwiches you git,” he said to Louis and then turned to face me, “Sorry, love, what kind of sandwich would you like?”

Louis folded his arms across his chest and pouted like a two-year old. Liam rolled his eyes at him.

“It doesn’t matter to me. Whatever is easier for you to make.”

“Is ham and cheese fine with you?” His brown eyes searched my face. I nodded my head and smiled again like an idiot. I had no idea why I was smiling so much.

They left the room and I was stuck there to ponder over recent events. I thought about everything that was going on and my realization that my sister was in that car so many years ago. It just didn’t make any sense to me. Why didn’t anybody tell me? I needed answers and I was sure not going to find anything out if I sat around doing nothing. My memory was trying to tell me that there was something more to that whole situation. At least, that’s what I felt. Why else would my memories be coming back?

Either way, I knew I was going to need help. I needed people who I could trust. I needed people by my side. More importantly, I needed people to be there for me and comfort me. I had gone far too long without the comfort of others. I had bottled up my emotions for far too long. If I kept them in any longer, I was going to blow up into a million pieces with nobody to put me back together.

“Mika? Are you okay?” Liam was staring at me, waving his hand in front of my face.

“Oh, erm, yeah. Sorry about that, I was spacing out.” I hadn’t had a headache since I told Dani everything and the memories have subsided, but they could come back. I was hoping they wouldn’t, but something told me that those weren’t the last of them.

“Are you sure? You looked a bit... sad.” Liam searched my face again for answers.

“I’m sure. How about those sandwiches?! I’m really hungry,” I said, changing the subject.

“Louis is already outside. He is picking a nice spot for us to sit. Apparently he doesn’t have benches or tables outside. Go figure. With a house like this, you would think they would have tables outside, but they don’t,” he rambled. He held out his hand for me to take. I hesitantly reached for it as he pulled me out of my chair.

“Come on!” He flashed his perfect teeth at me. He was absolutely stunning, even if his hair was a bit disheveled. I guessed that Louis and Liam must have fought each other in the kitchen while making sandwiches. They were boys, so it was only natural that they wrestled. However, I was sure that kitchen was a mess after they were done with it. Though, knowing Liam’s personality, he probably cleaned it up.

Louis was waiting for us by a tree. There was a checkered blanket on the ground. It was late so the sun was settled on the horizon, emitting a glow of oranges and pinks. The air was chilly and I mentally cursed myself for not bringing my sweater outside when Liam grabbed me.

I instinctively hugged my arms to myself and shivered. I looked at Liam and it looked like he had a million thoughts going through his head. He was looking at his phone with a distressed look on his face.

Louis spoke up first. “Hey, mate, is everything alright? You look like you just got slapped in the face.”

Liam cleared his throat and plastered a smile on his face. “Umm, nothing. It’s alright. Let’s eat! That’s what we came out here for after all. Would you look at that sunset? It’s beautiful.”

Louis went back to eating his sandwich knowing that something was up with his friend, but he wasn’t willing to pry further into the situation. Liam was definitely not alright. I knew something was wrong mainly because he used the same evasive tactic as I did. Maybe he was just like me. That could be the reason why I felt like I could trust him.

“It is beautiful.” I picked up my sandwich and took a bite out of it. It was probably one of the best sandwiches I had eaten in a while.

“This is really good,” I said, blushing at the words that came out of my mouth.

“Thanks, my mom taught me a special way to make them.” Liam smiled at me and then gave me a weird look.

“Are you cold?”

“Just a little bit. I left my sweater, I mean jumper, inside.”

“Here, take mine. Your teeth are chattering. You obviously need it more than I do.” He started to take off his sweater and got up to place it over my shoulders. It was warm from the heat of his body.

“T-thanks.” I looked at the floor and blushed. I hoped he didn’t notice.

“Aww! Aren’t you two adorable?!”

Liam and I both stared at him and said, “Shut up, Louis.” The fact that we said it in unison only made us blush harder. It gave Louis a reason to grin wider.

Louis’ grin faltered as his attention was directed elsewhere. He was looking at a squirrel.

Louis pulled his sandwich up to his chest, shielding it from the animal. “Liam, that squirrel is staring me down. I know he wants my sandwich, but he can’t have it. It’s my sandwich!”

Liam chuckled to himself. “Louis, he doesn’t want your sandwich. Squirrels eat nuts.”

Louis looked appalled. “WHAT?! Nope. Crazy stalker squirrel cannot have my sandwich or my nuts. I refuse! He can keep looking at me with those crazy eyes. Actually, can we move? It’s getting chilly out here and I seem to have forgotten my jumper.”

Louis was already getting up to leave. “You can go on without us. I’m sure the squirrel only wants you. You might be the squirrel’s type. Squirrels like braces. He can crawl up them like a tree with his little squirrel hands.”

“Ugh, Liam! Shut up! You can tell the squirrel I’m not interested! I’m going back in the house to try and study like the studious student I am.” He ran off into the house and away from the crazy stalker squirrel that seemed to have left.

“I’m surprised he even knows what studious means. That boy. Sometimes I wonder why we’re friends.” Liam shook his head.

“You have a pretty great friend though. He seems to be a lot of fun and you guys seem like brothers to me,” I blurted out.

He turned his head to me and put down his sandwich. “He is like a brother. In fact all of the boys- Harry, Niall, and Zayn- they are like my real family. I tell everything, well, almost everything to Louis. They have always been there for me, especially when my f…” He stopped himself.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be telling you any of this. I barely know you, and I’m about to tell you everything. I just don’t get it. What is it about you that reels me in? I’ve been trying to figure it out, but the only conclusion I can come to is that I can trust you.” He looked down, as if embarrassed by everything he said.

I swallowed over the lump in my throat. “Don’t be sorry. I feel the same way. I don’t understand it, but I feel as though I can trust you. You helped me in that gym when I was paralyzed with fear. You didn’t tell anybody what I told you, and for that, I am grateful. Not many people have been as kind, or as caring as you. You keep trying to help me even though I may or may not need the help. I’m unable to say, ‘no’ to you for some odd reason. It’s as though I want to be helped by you.” He looked up at me and his eyes were glazed over.

He reached over and brushed his thumb over my cheeks, wiping away the tears that started to fall. I didn’t even know I was crying until he did that. He dropped his hand and buried his face in his hands.

“Are you alright?” I had reason to cry. I was a girl with emotions ready to spill over at any moment, but he hadn’t said or heard much that would lead to him cry.

“No, I’m not. I’m really not. I haven’t been able to tell Lou about it because I don’t want him worrying about me. If I tell you, I don’t want you worrying about me either. Got it?”

I nodded my head slowly and buttoned the sweater as if that would bring me more warmth. It didn’t, so I brought my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them.

He took a deep breath and looked down. “Alright. Well, my father, he’s been kind of a complete arse. It’s been going on for a few years now. He always expects so much of me. I try my best and even when I give him my best, it’s never good enough. I try and try and try and he somehow manages to bring me down. I’ll be having the best of days and he can give me one look that will bring my mood completely down. I can’t stand it. Lately, he’s been yelling at me more. I cringe every single time he yells. His voice is always going through my head and I just think that next time I mess up he will do more than just yell at me.

I have to get good grades. I have to clean the house. I have to do everything he says. I have to be perfect. The thing is that I can’t be perfect. I’m not perfect. That’s my problem. I keep trying to be what he wants, but that’s impossible. I’m not a robot. I have emotions. I need my friends. But sometimes, I can’t have my friends. He always cuts my time short with them because he needs me to do something that I have failed to do. Every time I hear his voice I can’t help but that how I’ve failed at every possible thing. In reality, I haven’t, but I can’t help but think that way. I’m always trying to think of ways I can be better, but it is truly a futile attempt.”

He was breathing heavily by the end. He was staring into the distance not looking at anything in particular. His emotions were flashing across his face and I couldn’t help but walk over to him and wrap my arms around him. All he needed was for someone to comfort him.

“Liam, where’s your mother in all of this?”

He sobbed even more and he was shaking. I regretted asking him.

“S-she’s dead. After she died, he was all over me. I used to go to her when I needed someone to talk to. I loved her. I miss her so much.” He couldn’t seem to get the words out. His sobs were muffling his deep voice.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.” I held him tighter until he calmed down.

He looked up and wiped his eyes. He tried to chuckle. “I-it’s okay, I’m sorry for crying. I shouldn’t cry. I’m pretty sure guys don’t do that. I’ve just had all of this inside of me. I feel a lot better at having told someone, though. Thank you, so much. I needed someone to just be there for me.” He looked up with his shining brown eyes and I smiled at him.

“It’s alright, really. You are very welcome. I’m glad that you can trust me enough to tell me all of this. Listen, I was actually planning on…” I was cut off short by Louis’ yelling.

“Guys! It’s getting dark out! Come inside, you guys are probably freezing! I made hot chocolate with those tiny marshmallows! Hurry up because that squirrel isn’t getting any! I’ve got ninety-nine problems but a squirrel ain’t one.” With that, he closed the door.

Liam and I started laughing hysterically. “I can’t believe he just said that,” said Liam.

“I love that boy more than is healthy. At least I know who to go to when I need a laugh.” I chuckled.

As we grabbed the snack supplies and the checkered blanket, Liam grabbed my arm to pull me back. “Hey, you were saying something before Louis interrupted. Do you want to talk about it now?”

I wanted to tell him, but it would take longer than a few minutes. I wanted to do it when the time was right.

“Can we talk about it later? I trust you, I really do, but I need to tell you in a, Louis-free environment. After I take my test tomorrow, do you want to head over to my apartment and talk? My guardians won’t be home until later and we’ll have some time to talk without interruption.”

He looked at me and his eyes lit up. He kept hold of my arm and looked into my eyes. “I would like that. Oh, and listen, I won’t ever betray your trust. You can tell me anything. I promise I won’t ever tell a soul, but you must also promise the same, okay? I think we need each other. We’ll tell each other everything in the promise that we won’t tell anybody else what we talk about. It’ll be like a journal, except more responsive.”

“Okay. It sounds like a deal. I promise. Now let’s go inside. I’m freezing!” We walked back to the house with grins on our faces. Liam put an arm over my shoulders in an attempt to warm me up, but he was just as cold.

Louis opened the door to yell as we were approaching. “I hope you know that your hot chocolate is now cold and icky. I put love into making those beautiful hot chocolates and you two took your time to be all lovey-dovey with each other. I hope you’re happy! Now, I must go admire my Louis Structures. And I mean Louis Structures. They are drawings of me that I created while you two were ‘talking’ out in the cold with that crazy squirrel.” He sassily walked away.

Naturally, I blushed, but when I looked at Liam, I saw that he was blushing too. I heard a buzz come from Liam’s pocket. He picked up his phone and looked at the messages. His eyes seemed to have a pained expression.

“Your father,” I whispered.

“Yeah.” He put his phone back into his pocket and started to walk away.

Without thinking, I grabbed his hand and pulled him into a hug.

“Thank you,” he whispered. He walked off to where Louis was.

“Hey, Lou, I have to get going, my dad wants me at home. He says I have to help him cook dinner. I’ll see you later.” He grabbed his things and started toward the door.

“Do you need a ride? I can drive you if you’d like. Mika’s going to need a ride home anyway. It’s also dark outside,” Louis said raising an eyebrow. Sometimes, I swore he was just like Dani.

“It’s fine. I can walk. I need to clear my head a little anyway,” he said.

“I’ll walk with you. It’s late and I should be getting home anyway. Hold on a second. I’ll walk with you,” I replied as I scooped up my supplies and placed it in my bag. I had to use an old one because the other one broke and had a gaping hole at the bottom.

Liam seemed to relax a bit when I said that. He didn’t want to be alone. He needed a friend and I was going to be there for him. He was right; we needed each other. I was going to help him and he was going to help me.

Louis just shrugged. “Be careful, you guys. I don’t want to flip onto the news channel and see that you’ve been kidnapped or mutilated in some way.”

“Oh, please, Lou. You don’t even watch the news,” said Liam.
With that, we walked out of the house and into the darkness with only the moon to guide our way.