Letters to Kelsey

Of course I had no actual clue to how to respond to something so solely and genuine at that very moment. Though I flushed red as a juicy candy apple. I bit my fingernail and then weaved my fingers through my hair. Frank was quiet on the other end, for only a moment that felt like a lifetime and I finally replied with, “That’s sweet of you, Frank. But you don’t have to—“

“Oh Kelsey, but I want to. I’ll buy you more art supplies since the ones you have now are old and crusted with paint. I believe you should start fresh, you know? New beginnings.” Frank explained.

At first, I thought he was trying to insult my urge to keep almost every utensil that Noah has had ever owned and used for the passed decades. Then I thought about what Frank suggested, new beginnings. I somewhat liked the idea. “Alright then, Frank. Thank you for thinking of me.” I chuckled. “I mean, really.”

“That’s what I’m here for, Kelsey. Haven’t you figured it out yet?” He joked.

“Not quite, but I’m glad that you are.” I told him.

“Can you do me a favor?” Frank asked.

“What might that be?” I shifted my legs onto the sofa and leaned back as I began to feel comfortable. My eyes roamed through my surrounding; the dinning area, the staircase and the hall that led to the kitchen. I heard Frank clearing his throat before he spoke, followed by a sniffle and sighed lightly.

“Have you read any more letters lately?”

“Well, I did right before you came over today. I told you that, Frank. But why do you ask?”

“Just to double-check, that is all.” Frank assured me. “Look here, I’m going to let you go now. I have to finish packing. I’ll call you before I catch my four o’clock flight in the morning.”

“Alright then, Frank.Well have a safe trip, alright? Take pictures.” He agreed before he hung up and left me on the line, which went dead. I pulled myself from off the sofa and went upstairs to check on Scarlett, still asleep and in her poka-dotted pink swimsuit. I sat a long side of her head, the weight of my backside pressed against the mattress, Scarlett shifted and rubbed her nose. It made me smile and I began to ever so gently pat her little back as it rose to my palm as a sigh of her soundless asleep. I just watched her for a while until I noticed the heartshaped rock lying on the opposite side of her. It was shining beautifully too, like a pearl washed up from the ocean floor. I took it and soothed it with my thumb. Scarlett began to shift again, kicking her legs around and accidently knocking the rock out of my hand, onto the floor. I picked it back up, placing it back where it was and then turned on then turned up the tiny jukebox beside her alarm clock. As then, an old song filled the silence. My eyes lid up instantly, it was an old song that Noah and I danced to during the ball. It was all familiar to me, the song, although not so much of the words that were sung and us—Noah and I dancing. It was our last dance together as man and wife. I remembered Noah promising me again and I remembered just having Scarlett too, it was a rush. All of it was and this song—the one that played freely through my head.

Noah was holding me close to him, his warm lips touched my forehead and rested his chin against my head. I was silent, waltzing and gazing aimlessly at his faded green uniform. I remember admiring him looking so sharp and irresitablely dashing. Noah rather agreed and fiddled with his tie. But yet, I did not say one word because of how upsetting that tomorrow will be. I knew that I wouldn’t wake up to him in the morning anymore, I wouldn’t be able to be held by him and other factors along with it. I just knew it was not a good thing and by it being our very last together, Noah had did what he did best—make all my worries go away with his simple humming in my ear as we danced. It brought a smile across my face and tears to my eyes, I was going to miss his humming too.

“I love you so much, Noah. So very much” I remember struggling to say without bursting into child-like cries and beg him on my hands, and knees to not leave. Noah tilted my head back, allowing me to look up at his face and brushed his thumb across my cheekbone. I was flushing then, demure and Noah smiled, widely.

“I love you too, Kelsey. Everything will be fine, I promise.” He told me. “Do you trust me?”

“With my life, always honey.” I whispered, lowering my head. Simultaneously our noses touched and Noah closed his eyes, pursing his lips to kiss me. We kissed. It was perfect but not magical as it usually was, and then when we arrived back home, we made love—or Noah would say, we made art together.

Art is precious because I ended up pregnant, but this time I didn’t know how I would tell Noah about this and how this would effect all of our lives to bring another life into it. I was ready for another great fight, but I had unfortunately lost it. It was an accident. I slipped and fell, trying to run errands with Elena—when I actually was enjoying my normal life.

Suddenly I began to cry as the music hummed and Scarlett’s sleeping patterns shifted over again. I covered my mouth with my hand when I began to choke on my own sobs, waking Scarlett up from out of her dreams. I was ashamed of myself. She sat up and rubbed her eyes, then asked, “Mama, why are you crying?”

“Mama is alright, darling. I promise.” I smiled, wiping my face with my index finger. “I’m just fine.”

“Good.” She flashed her father’s brillant smile. The urge to cry harder short-lived. Scarlett always had that effect on people. She was becoming so perfect just like Noah everyday. “Unless you cry happy tears because then, happy tears are good.”

“Happy tears are good, honey. They sure are.”