Letters to Kelsey

The dark, desultory days had finally dawned on me. I was always alone and brooding. My surrounding were silent and still as usual. Scarlett's at her grandparents house usually as well, escaping her mother's imbroglio; something that cannot be explained to a child her age. It was a gloomy Saturday afternoon in Atlanta, Georgia. A black parade of rain clouds covered the entire faded pale blue sky. The streets were colorless and damped due to the excessive downpour. The only source of color anywhere nearby was the bright patriotic flag that stood out on the front porch, waving incisively, grasping my undivided attention. The bold, proud colors were amusing to my eye, it in some way represented something and it made my heart ache even more for Noah.

I was sitting comfortably, in the cool dinning area of Noah's parent's old bungalow that they left us as a wedding gift, sipping coffee. I was working on my latest letter to Noah and I haven't gotten anything written down. I haven't even heard from him in years now and it bothered me. Nothing has been said; everything is okay or everything isn't okay, I've got nothing. Certainly, I was not very pleased about this, but I've been destined to fix this issue for me, and the rest of our family. And so I began to write, gathering my thoughts as I pealed my eyes away from the flag.

I wanted to tell Noah everything that's been going on--besides my anxiety attacks and everything that he missed out on, like Scarlett's fourth birthday a few months ago. I ended up taking her out with Noah's parents to dinner and we all went to Florida for the week. Scarlett had a great time. I honestly didn't know how to start, where to start and where should I ask about him coming home. I just didn't know. Just write.

Dear Noah, It's Kelsey. How are you? Well, I hope and pray. I tried writing you this a thousands times before, hoping that one day you will see this letter and keep it close to your heart...

Those were the only words that I was actually able to write down. The rest was a cloud. Grabbing my coffee mug, taking a few more sips, I stood up and marched upstairs. My entire body ached with exhaustion. I had been sitting in the same spot for hours, daydreaming and procrastinating to write. It was just about time for me to relax before Scarlett comes home, but it didn't last long. I was interrupted by the loud door bell, echoing through the empty house, causing everything to shutter for a moment.

I jogged back down the staircase, fleeting towards the door and immediately expecting Scarlett, but instead I was greeted by two men in faded green uniforms. One of them had short brown hair with huge gray eyes, whom held his hand to his heart. The other man, aging, about in his late fifties wore a pair of sunglasses and stepped in front of me. He took a long glance at me, as if I had done something wrong or I looked bad--I wouldn't blame him. I felt horrible as it was, and I looked back at him, practically staring at myself through his sunglasses.

"Mrs. Kelsey McCracken?" The man responded, his hand shivered as it reached for mine. I nodded, worriedly and shook the man's hand.

"Yes, sir. I am, Mrs. McCracken." I replied politely, offering for them both to come in for coffee or tea, but they refused.

"Ma'am, I'm Lt. Kelly and this is General Bailey. I'm afraid that we've got some...bad news for you." He explained, pulling out a folded yellow envelope from his pocket.

Abruptly, I began to feel heavy. My heart raced and my hands were getting clammy with sweat. The envelope was properly sealed shut with a long fetching black ribbon attached. Quickly tearing it apart, my eyes fell to the bottom of the letter, in fine print and my ability to stand short lived. Noah was dead.

"He tried saving another soldier's life and--" Lt. Kelly paused before continuing, to take his sunglasses off and look at me in the face. "We're so sorry, Mrs. McCracken."

Warm tears rolled down my cheeks as I felt sick to the stomach. I just glared at them both and wiped my face. "I'd like for you both to leave." I told them. "Please."

"Ma'am, we have something for you." General Bailey replied, lending over a small box carefully. "This is filled with letters that were written before Noah died and we also found a few letters from you as well, that he kelp in his pocket. I figured that it would be appropriate."

"Appropriate, indeed. Thank you. I'll be looking through these." I said, forcing a causal smile. "I appreciate it, truly."

Lt. Kelly nodded, silently agreeing to everything that I had told them. I was still gazing at him as he stretched out his hand to pull me from off the cool concrete. Yet, I still couldn't stand on my own. My legs were now stretched out behind me, too weak to function on their own, dragged across back into the house. General Bailey helped me into the creamed colored living room with white sheer curtains casting tiny droplets of sunlight along the floor and the walls. He sat me gently onto the sofa and stood up in front of me with a still worried look upon his face.

"I could've walked, Sir Bailey, sir." I lied, still feeling completely numb about the sudden news. "Thank you, anyways."

"Anytime, Mrs. McCracken." He said, re-arranging the pillows and placing them beside me. "Is there anything else we can do for you?"

"No." I sobbed. "Please...just let me be." General Bailey nodded and then, looked over at Lt. Kelly. They didn't say a word to each other and orderly exist out of the house, pulling the door shut too.

Shortly afterwards, the house went back to its casual silence, settling in with mourning and I was brooding again. Not ever going to finish that letter, lying untouched on the dinning area table. Later that night, I had some gathering to do, preparations too and the worse part was right around the corner. Scarlett was now fatherless.