Letters to Kelsey

The following day, I had the biggest hangover in the history of hangovers. I didn’t even want to get up out of bed. I had this dysphoria and it felt like I was going to die in this bed, but the only reason why I felt that way was because not only I was sick; I was depressed. I managed to pull myself up out of bed and still be a mother to Scarlett. Everything whirling around me as I stood up on my feet and I went downstairs, where I noticed Frank sleeping in the living room. He never went home like I ordered him to, which it bothered me. As if he didn’t trust my instints about being alone, drunk. I wobbled down the staircase and bolted towards his resting figure.

“Frank!” I exclaimed, pulling the pillows from his head. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Confused and clueless Frank, stood up and threw himself back onto the sofa. He could see the rage in my eyes and that I was upset about him not listening to me. “Kelsey, you’re up early. I—“

I interrupted him, “What are you doing here? I told you that I would be alright. I told you that, but you didn’t listen to me, Frank. I’m very upset, you did not listen to me!”

“I’m sorry, Kelsey. But I was hesitant about leaving, that I made myself comfortable and passed out in your living room.”

“I told you, Frank. You needed to go home, what didn’t you understand?” I scoffed.

Frank swallowed, hard, so thickly that I could see his adam’s apple move up and down. There was sweat there too, dripping slowly, catching my attention. “Kelsey, calm down. It won’t happen again, I promise. However, you should stop drinking. For godsake’s, you’re going to lose yourself.”

“That’s none of your damn business, Frank.”

“Of course it is, dammit. I am a part of you now, wheither you like it or not.”

“What the hell are you talking about and—“

“Your husband, remember? Noah saved my brother’s life.”

“Do you want something, Frank? Is that the case?”

“Absolutely not, but just listen to me. It doesn’t make any sense right now, but it will eventually.”

I didn’t respond. I felt like I didn’t need to and I wasn’t going to continue to argue. Besides, Frank was actually right, ultimately and I had a huge headache. Another couple of weeks passed and I went over to Elena, and George’s for a little. When I was there, I felt like we were all growing closer together. Each and everyday we all grew close, attatched like a quilt, and it felt absolutely beautiful. Regularly, we began to go out for lunch and go for walks around the beach with the girls. Scarlett and Lindsey loves it. They love the sand, the water, finding sea shells and all sorts of things. Noah would’ve been really proud, besides, that’s what he wanted to always do. He wanted to take Scarlett to the beach.

Sam had also began to change completely, being super gentle with me and letting Lindsey spend the night. Things were moving slowly and smoothly, which was great. I was happy with the outcome altogether. The best part about the state of healing was that Sam even tried to have a full conversation with me, at first, it seemed unreal and maybe not such a great idea. But it ultimately worked. He took me aside, right before he took Lindsey home and asked gently, “How was she behaving?”

“Well. She’s a doll, of course. I’m glad that you decided to have her over.” I replied, politely as possible. “Scarlett loves her.”

“Lindsey loves her too.” Sam nodded, running his fingertips through his hair. “Kelsey, the way I acted toward you all these years, I just want to apologize for my being.”

“Thank you.” I smiled. “I really appreciate that.”

“Don’t mention it.” He murmured as he shoved his hand in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. “Noah would’ve been happy with this, you know? This whole new bonding deal that we’ve all got. I really enjoy the trips to the beach with the girls and Megan, with her new job at the traveling agency, a trip to Paris. Noah always wanted to go there…” He explained, “with you that is.”

My heart sunk. I could almost feel my cheeks burn from embarrasment. I never thought about France, and secondly that Noah had always wanted to take me there. In some way, I should’ve known that from the very beginning. Paris is a beautiful place and of course, anything beautiful, Noah had to take me by the hand and show it off. He would show off how beautiful it may be, just as how he would show off a piece of art. I didn’t speak for moment, I still had to sink myself into the thought of Noah telling Sam all of this and Sam is actually telling me this! Too good to be true, right?

“Oh,” I managed to say. “I never would’ve thought that he’d tell you these things, I mean—“

“I know. I get it, it’s unbelievable that I’m actually telling you this, but I guess I needed to. It was something that I could remember him always telling me because he would remind me, constantly. Noah loved you dearly and I just—“

“Wouldn’t accept me, I know. It’s alright now, you don’t have to hide anymore.” I interrupted him, assiting to what he wanted to say. “We have to be honest and honesty means a lot to me right now.”

Sam agreed, pale faced now and took a long drag of his cigarette. “I didn’t accept you and I thought you both weren’t ready for love. I didn’t want my kid brother hurt, that’s all.”

“That’s what you didn’t understand, Sam. We were perfect and young, so free that we could’ve fled to anywhere we wanted. Love was ready for us and we were ready too.”

Still a bit stubborn and easily aggitated, Sam took another drag of his cigarette and looked for Lindsey, still inside. “Well I was just trying to protect my brother, you know? Look here, Kelsey. If you had a brother or sister, wouldn’t you risk everything to protect them?”

“If you’re trying to refer that Noah needed to be saved from me, then you’re just protraying me as a monster and I find that horrible.” I said, sternly. “But you know, Sam, things happen for a reason. All things do and I think you need to take off the blindfold.”

He didn’t say a word. Underneathe his thick skin, he was still selfish and cruel. Sam will always be a blantant man, a man of niave and acomist. But I still accepted his apology and I still find it unbelievable that he tried to speak to me—and failed to burn the flames of hatred against me. Then from on that day, it went back to silence between us and Lindsey only came over on Sundays, when Elena would take her and Scarlett to the beach. I was alright with the flow of it and it didn’t bother me as much as it use to.