Status: Moment by moment
Obedience
Sorrow
Loki woke to the feeling of cold fingers tracing his mouth, trailing around the edges of his stitches, and he sighed, lightly pressing into the touch. Opening his eyes, he looked at Toni, who was watching her fingers with amusement and curiosity. When she met his eyes, he gave her an odd look and she let out a small sound of amusement and looked back to his mouth.
"You're blue," she said quietly as an explanation and at his panicked look she let out a laugh. "It's just around your mouth; I think it's because I'm cold, I don't really know. I don't feel cold, but I'm making your mouth blue, so I must be."
Loki stared at her for a moment in confusion before he realized that she didn't know he was of Jotun heritage and he opened his mouth to say something, or tried to as the stitches pulled agonisingly at his mouth. He let out a muffled cry and covered his mouth, curling lightly into a ball; how could he keep forgetting his mouth was sewn shut?
Feeling Toni lift his head up, he opened his eyes and looked up at her, tears trailing down his pale cheeks as she slid her arm under his head and wrapped her arm around to rest her hand on his shoulder.
"Come here," she muttered, shifting closer to him, other hand going to his hair, fingers sliding through the thin strands. Loki squeezed his eyes shut and pulled her closer with his free arm, taking comfort from her lips as she pressed them to his forehead.
They stayed that way for a while, pained tears turning into sobs that wracked Loki's lithe frame as he let out all the pain he'd built up over the course of his life. He couldn't remember the last time he cried; he'd grown up believing that crying made you weak, that it was better to hold everything in like a man, but right here, right now in the arms of someone that should justly hate him, he just felt relief. He didn't know what she saw in him that made him worthy of such compassion and caring in her eyes, but he knew that's who he wanted to be.
Marveling at the difference he felt in himself, the tears slowed before finally stopping altogether, and he looked up at Toni again when she put her hand under his chin.
She looked deep into his eyes as if she could read him; judging by the look on her face, she could. He moved his hand up to her cheek, thumb brushing over the soft skin as they stared at each other. Toni smiled and tilted her head down, resting her forehead against his, noses barely brushing together. "Let's get you cleaned up," she whispered.
Toni pulled her hand from his hair and slightly turned from her spot to grab the damp rag from the nightstand. When she turned back around, Loki looked upset as he gestured to her face; looking down at the hand he'd had on her cheek, she saw blood from his mouth smeared there and figured it was on her too, but she just chuckled, wiping the blood quickly away before moving to clean Loki's mouth for the third time.
"I'm accustomed to blood," she explained quietly, not meeting his eyes, though she still noticed the questioning look he directed at her. "My mother-" Toni choked on the words, blinking back tears. "My mother was a chemist and she worked with volatile compounds," she continued, voice heavy. "I was helping her with a possible new energy source when I was sixteen, just assisting her over Spring Break before I graduated from MIT. I went to get some more paper- she always needed more, always taking extensive notes on everything she did- and I heard an explosion." Toni's hand had stopped moving, eyes looking into the past. "She would have been fine, the reaction barely escaped the flask, but the glass had shattered. When I ran back, she was just lying there, a piece of the flask had gone through her throat. She bled out right in front of me, I couldn't even move until she stopped breathing.
"I don't remember much after that, the funeral is almost a complete blank, but I remember the looks, the pity," she spat the word out like it was poison, anger lacing her words. "I remember my grandmother speaking to me, so fucking condescending. 'Tout va bien, ma chérie. Elle est dans un meilleur endroit maintenant,' she said." Toni scoffed derisively. "What fucking better place? That was her daughter, but she didn't even cry, hell she looked fucking annoyed, like she had somewhere else to be."
Toni yanked herself out of Loki's grip and started pacing, anger building the more she thought about her mother's death. It was irrational, her mother had died eleven years ago, but the anger just kept coming. "Qu'est-ce que sait-elle d'un meilleur endroit? Vieille salope ne mourra jamais, encore vivant hors de l'argent de mon grand-père, la putain putain, elle ne sait pas de douleur ou de chagrin. Elle est une salope égoïste, elle ne se soucie pas pour quelqu'un d'autre qu'elle-même."
Loki could feel the waves of energy radiating from Toni just before one of his mirrors shattered, raining glass on Toni as she walked past it. She hissed in pain as she stepped on glass and tried to move away from it, but it was all around her. Loki shot out of his bed and walked over to her, grateful that his boots were still on as he scooped her up, cradling her to his chest as she sobbed brokenly.
"What's happening to me?" She whimpered. "I- I don't know where that came from. I love my grandmother, I know she was in pain, but she's French, too proud to cry in public. I- I guess I resent her; she made me feel ashamed for crying at my own mother's funeral. I know she didn't do it on purpose, but I felt... I don't know, disappointed for not being able to be strong like her."
Toni took a deep breath but didn't say anything else. Loki just sat on the edge of his bed, holding her in his lap while she pulled herself together, unable to say a single word to comfort her, hoping actions really did speak louder than words.
"You're blue," she said quietly as an explanation and at his panicked look she let out a laugh. "It's just around your mouth; I think it's because I'm cold, I don't really know. I don't feel cold, but I'm making your mouth blue, so I must be."
Loki stared at her for a moment in confusion before he realized that she didn't know he was of Jotun heritage and he opened his mouth to say something, or tried to as the stitches pulled agonisingly at his mouth. He let out a muffled cry and covered his mouth, curling lightly into a ball; how could he keep forgetting his mouth was sewn shut?
Feeling Toni lift his head up, he opened his eyes and looked up at her, tears trailing down his pale cheeks as she slid her arm under his head and wrapped her arm around to rest her hand on his shoulder.
"Come here," she muttered, shifting closer to him, other hand going to his hair, fingers sliding through the thin strands. Loki squeezed his eyes shut and pulled her closer with his free arm, taking comfort from her lips as she pressed them to his forehead.
They stayed that way for a while, pained tears turning into sobs that wracked Loki's lithe frame as he let out all the pain he'd built up over the course of his life. He couldn't remember the last time he cried; he'd grown up believing that crying made you weak, that it was better to hold everything in like a man, but right here, right now in the arms of someone that should justly hate him, he just felt relief. He didn't know what she saw in him that made him worthy of such compassion and caring in her eyes, but he knew that's who he wanted to be.
Marveling at the difference he felt in himself, the tears slowed before finally stopping altogether, and he looked up at Toni again when she put her hand under his chin.
She looked deep into his eyes as if she could read him; judging by the look on her face, she could. He moved his hand up to her cheek, thumb brushing over the soft skin as they stared at each other. Toni smiled and tilted her head down, resting her forehead against his, noses barely brushing together. "Let's get you cleaned up," she whispered.
Toni pulled her hand from his hair and slightly turned from her spot to grab the damp rag from the nightstand. When she turned back around, Loki looked upset as he gestured to her face; looking down at the hand he'd had on her cheek, she saw blood from his mouth smeared there and figured it was on her too, but she just chuckled, wiping the blood quickly away before moving to clean Loki's mouth for the third time.
"I'm accustomed to blood," she explained quietly, not meeting his eyes, though she still noticed the questioning look he directed at her. "My mother-" Toni choked on the words, blinking back tears. "My mother was a chemist and she worked with volatile compounds," she continued, voice heavy. "I was helping her with a possible new energy source when I was sixteen, just assisting her over Spring Break before I graduated from MIT. I went to get some more paper- she always needed more, always taking extensive notes on everything she did- and I heard an explosion." Toni's hand had stopped moving, eyes looking into the past. "She would have been fine, the reaction barely escaped the flask, but the glass had shattered. When I ran back, she was just lying there, a piece of the flask had gone through her throat. She bled out right in front of me, I couldn't even move until she stopped breathing.
"I don't remember much after that, the funeral is almost a complete blank, but I remember the looks, the pity," she spat the word out like it was poison, anger lacing her words. "I remember my grandmother speaking to me, so fucking condescending. 'Tout va bien, ma chérie. Elle est dans un meilleur endroit maintenant,' she said." Toni scoffed derisively. "What fucking better place? That was her daughter, but she didn't even cry, hell she looked fucking annoyed, like she had somewhere else to be."
Toni yanked herself out of Loki's grip and started pacing, anger building the more she thought about her mother's death. It was irrational, her mother had died eleven years ago, but the anger just kept coming. "Qu'est-ce que sait-elle d'un meilleur endroit? Vieille salope ne mourra jamais, encore vivant hors de l'argent de mon grand-père, la putain putain, elle ne sait pas de douleur ou de chagrin. Elle est une salope égoïste, elle ne se soucie pas pour quelqu'un d'autre qu'elle-même."
Loki could feel the waves of energy radiating from Toni just before one of his mirrors shattered, raining glass on Toni as she walked past it. She hissed in pain as she stepped on glass and tried to move away from it, but it was all around her. Loki shot out of his bed and walked over to her, grateful that his boots were still on as he scooped her up, cradling her to his chest as she sobbed brokenly.
"What's happening to me?" She whimpered. "I- I don't know where that came from. I love my grandmother, I know she was in pain, but she's French, too proud to cry in public. I- I guess I resent her; she made me feel ashamed for crying at my own mother's funeral. I know she didn't do it on purpose, but I felt... I don't know, disappointed for not being able to be strong like her."
Toni took a deep breath but didn't say anything else. Loki just sat on the edge of his bed, holding her in his lap while she pulled herself together, unable to say a single word to comfort her, hoping actions really did speak louder than words.
♠ ♠ ♠
Tout va bien, ma chérie. Elle est dans un meilleur endroit maintenant.- All is well, my dear. She is in a better place now.
Qu'est-ce que sait-elle d'un meilleur endroit? Vieille salope ne mourra jamais, encore vivant hors de l'argent de mon grand-père, la putain putain, elle ne sait pas de douleur ou de chagrin. Elle est une salope égoïste, elle ne se soucie pas pour quelqu'un d'autre qu'elle-même.
- What does she know of a better place? Old bitch will never die, still living off the money from my grandfather, the fucking whore, she does not know pain or sorrow. She is a selfish bitch, she does not care for anyone other than herself.
So, I know how much of a pain it can be to not have the translations with the French, but I didn't want to disturb the flow, but they're not far from this note, so I hope it isn't annoying. And I apologize if the French is wrong, I don't know French so I used Google translate; I translate it into French then check it in French to English and I change the wording until it comes out the same. Let me know if it's wrong and how to fix it, it would be greatly appreciated. :)
And GAH! It's been forever! I got back into Walking Dead (which I started another story for, I seriously need to work on A Different Turn Of Events, though), and I just wasn't sure where to go with this chapter, but it hit me today, so here it is!