Through Sin and Self Destruction

As I pulled into Jocelyn’s driveway, I was still hoping she was okay. I rushed up to the door and didn’t even bother to knock. Instead, I rushed inside and yelled for her. She came downstairs sniffling and I pulled her into a hug immediately.

“What’s wrong, Joce? What happened?” I rubbed her back and she pulled away, handing me the pregnancy test that had been in her hand. I looked down to see a bold ‘positive.’

“Oh. My. God. You’re prego!” I giggled a bit and she started crying.

“This isn’t good news, Lil! James is gonna flip.. He’ll leave me.. I don’t want him to l-leave me.” I bit my lip and sat the test on the table.

“I don’t think he’ll flip.. He obviously really likes you, Jocelyn. Think positive. I’m the pessimist here.” I giggled a bit, trying to lighten the mood and she nodded sadly.

“So, I should tell him..?” I rolled my eyes.

“Duh, you silly girl. He deserves to know. It’s his, isn’t it?” I smirked at my joke and she playfully pushed me.

“I’m not like you, you whore.” I pouted and grabbed my boobs.

“So, go talk to him, Joce. James doesn’t seem like Ben at all. Please do it, tonight.” She nodded and sighed, reassuring me she would let me know how things went. I decided to leave and get ready for my first night back at work in a few days. I wasn’t ready at all. I just wanted to drown in my self-pity.

~~*~~*~~*~~

Work was extremely boring tonight and I couldn’t take much more. Danny didn’t visit because he was partying with Asking Alexandria. I felt so alone. The only cash I got tonight was from these old fucks who I suspected needed Viagra to get that shit up anyway. As I closed up for the night, my mind wandered to Jocelyn. I wondered if she was okay. Hell, she was probably celebrating with Mr. Right. At that moment my phone started to ring. I was already driving but I insisted on picking up anyway, seeing as it was Joce.

“How’d it go, Ms. Perfect?” I smiled against the speaker. I loved my best friend to death.

“He’s so happy, Lilith.. He’s perfect, I swear.” I smiled bigger and awed. My best friend truly deserved to be happy.

“That’s great, babe! I’m so happy for you both! Congrats.” The words came out right but my mind was envying her so much right now. She did deserve happiness. She’s always had to deal with my bullshit. But- but something inside just wished I could get happiness. Maybe Ben was right.. Maybe, I’m not all that great that I put out to be..

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