Through Sin and Self Destruction

As the days went by, Jocelyn’s life got better and better. I just continued getting sick. I was proud of her, I swear, but I just felt out of the picture. Maybe that’s the reason of this nauseous feeling? James had given her happiness; happiness I could never achieve. They were having a party in a few days to celebrate the act of new life. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go because all of Asking Alexandria would be there, but I knew I had to be there for my best friend. I guess I could just hang out with Danny most of the time. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all. I just didn’t know how to react around Ben. He still confused me to this day. I guess I’ll never know what actually IS Ben Bruce. I sighed to myself and texted Danny.

“Hey, English Muffin. I miss your face. I’m feeling a bit sick and would love your company. Sincerely, Lilith.<3”

I always sent him texts in the form of letters. Ever since Jocelyn had slipped from my life, Danny had made his way to the best friend spot. As I cuddled to my pillow, my phone went off.

“Love! Would you like me to come over? I’ll keep you company til work.(:” I smiled but my expression soon changed when I felt the vomit being forced up my esophagus. I ran to the bathroom and puked into the toilet. I sat there in the floor for longer than I thought because I soon heard Danny knocking on the door. I groaned and shakily got up, washing my mouth and opening the door. Danny’s smile faded into a worried look.

“Are you okay? You don’t look too well..” I mumbled something inaudible and he pulled me onto the couch.

“Did you vomit? ‘Cause you look like a ghost.” I nodded into his chest and groaned. That’s been the third time this morning. He petted my hair and chuckled a bit.

“Maybe you should go to the doctor, love.” I looked up and narrowed my eyes. I hated hospitals and/or doctors.

“I’ll be fine, Danny. I’ve been like this a few days. It’ll pass over.” He bit his lip, not believing me but shrugged it off nonetheless.

“You really should go to the doc, Lil. I’m serious. Take Jocelyn with you or something.” I sighed and agreed to anyway. We cuddled for a while until I had to go to work. I hoped he’d leave me alone over this sick thing. I hated doctors, I knew when I was sick and I was not sick! I decided I’d call Jocelyn after work so she could take me in the morning.

Work was dreadful once again. I just didn’t feel the passion I once did. Was it because of Ben’s torment? I wasn’t sure. I did know that it didn’t feel the same anymore. I didn’t enjoy this feeling either. When I was onstage and the lights strobed to the music, I didn’t feel the aggression. When my legs wrapped around the pole and I took off clothing bit by bit, I didn’t feel the lust and overpowerment. There was still cheers and cash thrown upon my dazzling body but- I didn’t care anymore. I wasn’t myself anymore.

When my shift ended for the night I drove home, silently. I changed into my favorite purple laced nighty and made myself comfortable on the couch. I’ve been nauseous all day and I didn’t think I’d make it through my shift at the club. I picked up my cell phone and called Jocelyn. Luckily, she answered after a couple rings.

“Lilith! How are you? Danny said you were sick.” I rolled my eyes. Danny tells everything.

“I’ve just been feeling nauseous and an occasional vomit happens,” I giggled at my attempted joke but I heard Jocelyn spew out a bit of her drink, I was guessing.

“Lil.. I’ll be over in a bit.” I raised my eyebrow and tried to ask why but she had already hung up. I sighed and turned on the television, cuddling to my sofa pillow. A half hour passed and a knock came to my door. I groggily got up and opened the door.

“Joce.” She looked at me worriedly and handed me a box.

“Just do it. Don’t ask questions.” I gulped and took a big breath in.

As if my life couldn’t get worse.

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