The Summer With Spencer

Morgan’s POV

I stood in her living room for about fifteen minutes. I had turned to leave when I heard Llysa’s bedroom door open, and she stepped out and faced me. Again, her appearance shocked me. She descended the stairs slowly, never taking her eyes off of me. : You can’t fight fate,” she said, her eyes wide and solemn. “Everyone wants happiness, no one wants pain, but you can’t have a rainbow without a little rain, right ? When everything seems to be going against you, remember that an airplane takes off against the wind, not with it. All of these quotes got me thinking, got me thinking that if you want crappy things to stop happening to you, you have to stop accepting the crap and demand something more. So that’s what I’m doing, the summer is almost over, and I don’t wanna be away from him anymore. I have to go talk to him, right now.” “That took a lot less convincing than I would’ve originally thought,” I told her, smiling. Hand in hand, we started towards my house.

Spencer’s POV

I sat in my usual spot, in my room, alone, in my armchair. My floor lamp cast a rosy glow over the room, lighting up my dark Thursday evening. I stood up and stretched, standing in the middle of the room. I sat where I stood, slouching over, resting my face in my hands. I missed Llysa, I missed her company the way I missed my mom. After being with Llysa, I felt even more alienated by everyone else, more misunderstood than ever. As if I needed that.

I could hear Morgan re-enter the house, and come up the stairs, stopping outside my bedroom. He was whispering with someone, and I strained to hear who it was. Probably Hotch or Rossi, come to check on me again. It was their natural propensity to be fatherly towards me, especially when I was troubled. Morgan’s propensity was like that of an older brother’s, always watchful. They knocked on the door; once, twice. “I just want to be alone right now,” I told the visitors, my voice muffled by my hands. I heard something slide into the lock hole, and I turned around. The door was locked, and there was no way someone had the key to my room….. But still, I could hear a little jiggle, and the door opened softly, dragging on the brown carpeting. I returned to my position, trying to calm myself down. Someone padded up to me, stopping in front of me. I parted my fingers to see who the intruder was; small feet with shiny blue toenails looked back at me. I snapped my head up in surprise,” Llysa ?”

Llysa’s POV

I followed Morgan into the house, trailed behind him up the stairs, stopping outside of Spencer’s room. He knocked a couple of times, with only a muffled reply in response. The door was locked, and I wasn’t about to let Derek kick the door in like he had done to mine, so I pulled a bobby pin out of my hair and jimmied it into the key hole. The lock clicked, and I softly pushed the door open, padding softly into the room. I halted in front of Spencer’s form, cross-legged on the floor, with his face hidden in his delicate hands. Had I caused this ? I wondered. He looked utterly broken, and I felt instant terror and grief. I could see his head lift slightly, gazing at my feet. He raised his eyes to meet mine, and I’ll never forget the look in his eyes.

His eyes said everything he needed to say in that moment. An apology, an I miss you, just, everything. I knelt down in front of him, and stroked his hair, brushing it away from his face. He stood up, and looked at me weirdly. Why is everyone looking at me like that ? I wondered to myself. I looked down at myself, I thought I looked pretty damn good. All of my fingernails and toenails were painted perfectly, my legs were shaved, I had makeup on, my hair hung loose and wavy past my shoulder blades, and I had lost weight, so what was everyone’s problem ? “What happened to you ?” Spence asked me, looking bewildered. “Why. Does. Everyone. Keep. Asking. Me.That !” I demanded to know. “Honestly, do I look that bad ?” I was pissed now. I come here ready to pour my heart out to him, and all he can say is “What happened to you ?” “Maybe I should…” I started for the door, intent on just leaving. “No !” Spencer said, jumping up and gripping my arm. His voice broke,” Please.”

My gaze flickered from the door to his pleading face. He wouldn’t meet my eyes. Derek backed causally out of the room, closing the door behind him. “I’m so, so sorry Spence. I really am. I was being juvenile, and-“ He cut me off by saying “ What ? I’m the one who should be apologizing, after everything you have been through just this summer, and then with everything I myself put you through…” I looked up at him in surprise. “But Spence, you were the one who held me together, not the one who broke me. Despite everything that has happened recently, I knew that no matter what, I still had you.” I felt unexpected tears rolling down my cheeks. I reached up to wipe them away, wondering why I was even crying. I sat on the floor, taking a shaking breath.
“Sometimes you don’t even know things have changed. You think you are still you, and your life is still your life, but you wake up one day, and you don’t recognize anything. Not anything at all,” I thought aloud, looking at the floor. “I know exactly what you mean,” Spencer whispered brokenly in response.
“What happened to us ?” I asked him, honestly wondering. “Reality.” He told me. And in that moment, that could not have rung truer.