A Thousand Lifetimes

Elina made it as far as the kitchen when her mother turned on the light and leant against the doorframe. Elina ignored the presence at the door and instead, got a wine glass from the cabinet and a fresh bottle of red wine from the fridge, pouring a full glass and drinking half of it in one go, filling it back up and putting the bottle back in the fridge.

Elina sat herself at the kitchen table, facing the door, and put her head in her hands, over the wine glass, still trying to ignore her mother’s presence. It was getting harder though, considering she had moved to sit opposite Elina.

“How was today?” She asked in a monotone voice, completely disinterested in how Elina’s day had gone, more interested in making her feel bad about herself.

“Fine.” Was Elina’s reply before she drank from the wine glass.

“You fit into the clothes fine?” She asked.

“Yes.”

“What did they style you in?”

“Does it really matter?” Elina snapped, still looking down at the deep red liquid in her glass.

“Come on Elina, don’t be like that.”

“Don’t be like what mother?!” She exclaimed, banging a fist on the table.

Her mother said nothing, she just got up from the table and tried to take the wine glass from Elina. Elina stood from the table, took the glass and looked at her mother as she drained the contents, throwing it into the sink.

“You’re turning into a monster Elina.” Her mother spoke.

“And guess who fucking caused that?” She spat back, leaving for her room.

Once in the safety of her room, Elina stripped to her underwear and took her iPhone from her bag. As she went to plug it in to charge, the front screen illuminated – she had a new message.

I guess you could say I was desperate – it’s Josh, from the shoot. Xx

Elina sighed and deleted the message. He was a persistent fucker, she would give him that, but she had no want to k now him outside of the shoot today.

As the dull headache from the alcohol set in, Elina slipped into bed and slipped off her bra, welcoming the feel of her cool silk sheets against her warm skin.



Having her nails done was one of the few things that Elina enjoyed. Although most model agencies would have told her any form of nail art was unacceptable for a model trying to book jobs, Elina didn’t care. Her real nails were terrible and she wasn’t about to waltz into a casting with short nails and uneven cuticles. It was the one time when she could actually have an excuse for not answering her phone as well.

The first call came before the small Chinese woman has even begun to prep her nails for the acrylics. She smiled weakly at the woman and answered her phone – it was her agent after all.

“Elina,” The smooth American accent flowed through the phone, “Where are you?”

“Some small corner of London getting my nails done,” She replied, “Why?”

“I’ve got a job for you, a really fun one, will you remember the date?”

“I should be able to.”

“Brilliant,” Elina could feel the smile through the phone, “Three days time, I’ll have a car pick you up from your house, the shoot is to advertise a new designer of professional mermaid tails, isn’t that exciting?”

“Yeah, sounds brilliant.” Elina said, monotone.

“You could at least fake some enthusiasm,” Her agent spoke, “It’s such a fun and different shoot, I thought you’d enjoy it.”

“And I’m sure I will,” Elina spoke, “But I have to go right now before I lose my nail appointment, I’ll call you later.”

Elina didn’t wait for the reply and hung up the phone, putting it in her bag before giving her hands to the woman to make her hands look good.

Forty-five minutes later, Elina left the small nail shop, £24 lighter. She was planning on going to get coffee when someone ran in to her, spilling their coffee all over her rather expensive skirt.

“Fuck sake!” She cursed, “Do you have any idea how fucking much this skirt cost?!”

“It’s not really an industry I dabble in, I’ve got to say.” That smooth English accent from yesterday hit her ears and she felt sick to her stomach.

She looked up and caught Josh’s apologetic stare but it did nothing to quench the growing fury and nausea rising in her stomach.

“You’re such a fucking pig,” Elina exclaimed, digging a tissue from her bag to dab at her skirt, “You can pay to replace it if it stains, asshole.”

“Jesus Christ love, maybe you should get that stick from up your arse?” Josh’s whole demeanor changed completely, “I’m sure on your wage you could afford to buy twenty of those fucking things.”

“How would you know how much I earn?” Elina fired back, feeling her fists clench. She needed to get to a bar, fuck the coffee, she needed a shot.

“It’s not hard to guess love,” Josh softened again, he obviously wasn’t good at being angry, “Listen, I’m sorry about your skirt, if it stains, let me know and I’ll pay to have it sorted.”

Elina snorted, focusing on her skirt – she could tell from the way the coffee was coming off that it was going to stain but at that moment, she didn’t need this guy’s charity.

“you didn’t reply to my text last night.” He stated.

“I know,” Elina spoke back, “I had other things to do and I forgot, I’m sorry.”

“Maybe I could take you to lunch?” Josh asked, “You know, to say sorry about the skirt?”

“I’ve really got to get home,” Elina lied, she had all intentions of spending the entire day in London, but with her hands shaking like they were, she needed to get home to her vodka, “Text me later or something and if you’re really that desperate we’ll sort something out.”



Elina slid her finger back and forth on the screen of her phone, debating whether to call her agent back as she poured her third glass of wine. She lost concentration for a moment and let her finger hold on the call option. By the time she realised what she had done it was too late to hang up so she sighed and picked the phone up in time to catch her agent saying hello.

“Elina you need to learn to call back earlier,” She scolded, “You have to remember the time difference, I was just about to leave.”

“I’m sorry,” Elina spoke, sipping the wine – she couldn’t make out to her agent that she was drinking, “I just lost track of time.”

“I’m sure you did,” She coughed, “Anyway, I’ve emailed you all the shoot details so I don’t need to tell you anything to do with that, but I’ve had news about the managements benefit.”

Elina’s heart stopped at the mention of benefit. The management’s benefit meant having to interact with people, having to be civil to people – the only good thing about the benefit was the models and a guest of their choice got access to the free bar, so at least she wouldn’t have to pay to get fucked.

“It’s in London, a real posh hotel apparently, I’ve already said you’ll be going,” She paused, “Just make sure you take someone with you this time.”

“You know you really should consult me before you make my decisions for me.” Elina said, trying to keep the edge from her voice.

“Elina honey, I’m your agent, that’s my job – now please, let me go home, I’ll email you all the benefit information tomorrow.”

“Yeah, fine, whatever.” Elina replied only to be met with the dial tone – saved her hanging up.

She drained her glass of wine and put the almost empty bottle into the fridge and the glass into the sink. She slipped her phone into her bra and took a shot glass from the cupboard and the pre-mixed vodka shot mixture. She needed to get out of the way of her mother. Her room was the safest option and it was upon her bed that she abandoned the shot glass and began drinking the sour shot mix from the bottle.

Her phone vibrated beside her and in her intoxicated state she attempted to read the message.

Hey Elina, I know it’s late so reply to me in the morning, but I’m free tomorrow if you want to get lunch – I’ll call you tomorrow when you’re awake or something to sort things out. Joshua xx