That Little Box That Beats In Your Chest

She stares at herself in the mirror. Her eyes drift from her feet to the top of her head. Her plain brown eyes notice everything from the chipped nail polish on her toes, to the short, frizzy mess that sits on her head. As the reality of her appearance sinks in, Lacey sighs and turns her back to the reflective surface to go sit on the edge of her bed. Her mind mulls over what she has just seen; long legs, big thighs with the whisper of a tiny gap in between the two limbs, and the marks. The scars and cuts that cover her upper right thigh, the scabs on her right wrist. The small nicks on her hips, nearly all covered by her underwear, and the few scars on her ankle. ‘What has become of me?’, she wonders, as she begins to dress herself. Wanting to make an impression at her new school, she chooses a Superman shirt, and a pair of black skinny jeans. Though most of her belongings are in boxes around her room, she locates her shoes, and a few rubber bracelets she puts on her right wrist, to cover what her string friendship bracelets can’t. She finds her eyeliner, applies it, and leaves her room, making sure to close the door. She walks down the stairs, grabs a hoodie and her Converse, and leaves without saying goodbye to her mom.

Lacey finds herself taking out her iPod, and putting on ‘Decided to Break It’ by Marianas Trench, to entertain herself as she walks over to her bus stop. ‘2 minutes early’, she notes as she stands on the corner of two very residential streets. The bus finally pulls up, and she takes one step at a time onto the bus steps, averting her eyes so as to not make eye contact with the driver.

As she brought her gaze up from the aisle to look for an empty seat, a terrifying problem presented itself. Every single seat was taken. Not one empty seat remained. Lacey realized she must be one of the last stops. She slowly walked to the back of the bus, trying to find somewhere, anywhere to sit. She felt her face burning up, when she heard someone speak.

‘’Hey, over here.’’

Lacey searched for the source, and found a boy about her age, moving his backpack onto his lap, making room for her to sit.

‘’Thanks’’, she mumbled, as she sat down next to him, keeping her distance, and nearly falling off the bench at first. As she readjusted herself, she hoped he wouldn’t try talking to her, she just wanted to be left alone. No such luck.

‘’You’re new here, aren’t you? I haven’t ever seen you around. My name’s Rian.’’

Lacey looked up from beneath her bangs, and finally allowed herself to look at her seatmate. He had longish dark hair, and his smile was perfect. She had never seen such white teeth in her life. She suddenly had an urge to go home, and brush her teeth again. And maybe even floss, for once in her life. Shaking those thoughts aside, she realized she had yet to reply. She simply nodded, and said: ‘’Lacey’’.

‘’That’s a nice name, very unique.’’, he said as he smiled. ‘’What brings you Baltimore’s best high school?’’, he questioned with some sarcasm evident. It was clear he didn’t like his school.

‘’I’m from Canada.’’ Lacey silently prayed he would stop talking to her. ‘’I’m not a morning person, sorry.’’, she said as she turned to her iPod to change the song.

‘’S’allright. I’ll leave you to your music. But if you don’t have anywhere to sit at lunch, you can come find me in the cafeteria, and maybe by then you’ll feel up to talking.’’, he suggested. Lacey simply nodded, acknowledging his kindness, but not accepting his offer. She had a feeling she would be eating by herself today.

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When the bus pulled up in front of the school, Lacey was one of the last off. She quietly got off, and followed Rian, who was walking up the steps to the main entrance. He turned around, offered a smile, and walked off to the left to join another boy, who had been leaning against the brick wall. Lacey ignored his smile, wanting to be left alone to deal with her thoughts. As she walked through the school doors, she was met with a smell of fresh paint. The school had obviously undergone some renovations. Ignoring the flow of students pushing her down a crowded hallway, she broke away and found the office.

After getting her schedule, and her locker number, she set off to find the latter. Making her way through the numerous hallways, she found what must be the senior’s hallway.

‘’1220…1221….1222…1223!’’ She had found her locker. Putting her stuff in, she turned to find a familiar face watching her.

‘’Hi Rian.’’

‘’Hey. I figured since you’re new and all, I might as well show you to your first class and help you find your first class.’’

‘’Sure’’, she quietly replied, turning to lock her locker. She handed Rian her schedule, and followed him when he motioned her to follow him.

‘’We have the same homeroom, so don’t worry, I’ll show you to your next class afterwards.’’ Rian stopped, and Lacey, nearly running into him, stopped to open the class door, walking in and taking a seat in the back corner, ignoring Rian’s offer to sit in front of him.

As she leaned back in her seat, the teacher started taking attendance, and Lacey allowed herself to finally relax and daydream a little…