Status: In progress, but school takes priority right now...
That Little Box That Beats In Your Chest
Chapter 12
Later that day in chemistry class, Lacey had a test. Though she had studied all weekend, she knew she didn’t understand the material. As she wrote the test, she knew this would be her worst yet. Completely stressed, she began hyperventilating as she tried to hold in the tears. The guy sitting next to her noticed. She had talked to him, though very briefly, and knew very little other than his name: Matt Flyzik. The balck-haired boy saw her stressing and on the verge of tears, and caught her attention with his brown eyes to inform her silently that he had no clue what he was doing either. He tilted his test her way, and Lacey saw that he had filled out less than she had. Mildly comforted that she wasn’t the only one failing this test, she turned it in early so she could be alone until the end of the period.
The rest of the class, she spent in the girl’s bathroom. Her crying had subsided seconds after she walked into the restroom as she knew it would. She never cried very long, if she even cried. She knew she would be harming herself that night. She felt the worst she had in a very long time. Not only was she most likely failing chemistry, but Zack had eyes for none other than Miss Boobs. The bell rang, signaling the end of class, and Lacey stepped out into the already crowded hallway. She was greeted by none other than Matt.
“Hey, I was looking for you. At the end of class, Mr. Roberts assigned a group project, and I told him we’d team up. Is that ok? I figured it was better than ending up with one of the anti-social nerds,” he said with a lip-ring adorned smile.
“Yeah, that’s great actually. Just warning you now that chemistry isn’t my best subject…”
“Well, like you saw in class, it isn’t mine either, so we’re in the same boat!” he said with a laugh.
“Well, let me give you my number,” Lacey said, making grabby hands for his cellphone. She handed him hers, and they exchanged numbers with promises of texts later that night to exchange details about the project. As much as Lacey liked Kara, she didn’t really see herself trusting a girl that much; they talked a lot in her opinion. On the other hand, Matt, one of the rebellious but smart guys, she could see herself trusting. He seemed nice.
-----
Once the final bell rang, Lacey was out of there like a shot. She had had enough stress to last her a year, and she didn’t want to risk running into Kara or Rian and their questions, or Zack and his plaything. Unluckily for her, the minute she turned the corner to walk to her bus, she was met with the happy couple sucking face. Zack looked up for 2 seconds, barely acknowledging Lacey’s existence, and went back to the cheerleader’s mouth. She couldn’t take it anymore. She ran for the busses, shoved her earbuds in her ears, and waited for the bus to leave. Thankfully, she didn’t see Rian on the bus, she was sure he was driving home. She texted him quickly, informing him not to worry about giving her a ride home, and sat back to listen to some Sleeping With Sirens.
-----
Lacey walked into her house to be greeted with silence. She thanked the air around her silently, glad she didn’t have to deal with her mother. She went upstairs and as she stepped onto the weigh scale, she thought about just how much weight she should lose before she got to the underweight category. She registered her current weight: 144 pounds, and opened up her laptop to figure out if she was underweight, healthy, or overweight. As she found a body mass index calculator, she wondered if she would regret doing this. Lacey dismissed the thought, and quickly found out that her bmi was 19.5. According to the website, a healthy weight started at an 18.5 bmi. Lacey decided that she would reach a weight where she was underweight, but just barely. 135 pounds was equivalent to a bmi of 18.3, so she made that her new goal. She would be underweight, but just barely.
As Lacey stood up and stared at her body in the mirror, she noticed the flaws. Each and every one of them, and she swore she would try to fix all of them. She wanted to be perfect. She wanted to be beautiful. Then, her eyes drifted down to her hips and her legs, and her fingers ghosted over the jeans that covered up her cuts and scars, and sighed, knowing perfection was an impossibility with those reminders on her skin of how much she hates herself. No boy would want to date her, to want to be intimate, and to see the scars, reminding him of just how broken she is. To anyone but Lacey, she knew the scars were repulsive. But in her mind, they were proof of her hardship, her strength, and her weaknesses. They were a reminder that she would never be good enough, and she was fine with that, because she truly believed it.
Lacey quickly texted Matt, and went to go shower, and incidentally, cut her pale skin until it was colored with her despair and hate.
The rest of the class, she spent in the girl’s bathroom. Her crying had subsided seconds after she walked into the restroom as she knew it would. She never cried very long, if she even cried. She knew she would be harming herself that night. She felt the worst she had in a very long time. Not only was she most likely failing chemistry, but Zack had eyes for none other than Miss Boobs. The bell rang, signaling the end of class, and Lacey stepped out into the already crowded hallway. She was greeted by none other than Matt.
“Hey, I was looking for you. At the end of class, Mr. Roberts assigned a group project, and I told him we’d team up. Is that ok? I figured it was better than ending up with one of the anti-social nerds,” he said with a lip-ring adorned smile.
“Yeah, that’s great actually. Just warning you now that chemistry isn’t my best subject…”
“Well, like you saw in class, it isn’t mine either, so we’re in the same boat!” he said with a laugh.
“Well, let me give you my number,” Lacey said, making grabby hands for his cellphone. She handed him hers, and they exchanged numbers with promises of texts later that night to exchange details about the project. As much as Lacey liked Kara, she didn’t really see herself trusting a girl that much; they talked a lot in her opinion. On the other hand, Matt, one of the rebellious but smart guys, she could see herself trusting. He seemed nice.
-----
Once the final bell rang, Lacey was out of there like a shot. She had had enough stress to last her a year, and she didn’t want to risk running into Kara or Rian and their questions, or Zack and his plaything. Unluckily for her, the minute she turned the corner to walk to her bus, she was met with the happy couple sucking face. Zack looked up for 2 seconds, barely acknowledging Lacey’s existence, and went back to the cheerleader’s mouth. She couldn’t take it anymore. She ran for the busses, shoved her earbuds in her ears, and waited for the bus to leave. Thankfully, she didn’t see Rian on the bus, she was sure he was driving home. She texted him quickly, informing him not to worry about giving her a ride home, and sat back to listen to some Sleeping With Sirens.
-----
Lacey walked into her house to be greeted with silence. She thanked the air around her silently, glad she didn’t have to deal with her mother. She went upstairs and as she stepped onto the weigh scale, she thought about just how much weight she should lose before she got to the underweight category. She registered her current weight: 144 pounds, and opened up her laptop to figure out if she was underweight, healthy, or overweight. As she found a body mass index calculator, she wondered if she would regret doing this. Lacey dismissed the thought, and quickly found out that her bmi was 19.5. According to the website, a healthy weight started at an 18.5 bmi. Lacey decided that she would reach a weight where she was underweight, but just barely. 135 pounds was equivalent to a bmi of 18.3, so she made that her new goal. She would be underweight, but just barely.
As Lacey stood up and stared at her body in the mirror, she noticed the flaws. Each and every one of them, and she swore she would try to fix all of them. She wanted to be perfect. She wanted to be beautiful. Then, her eyes drifted down to her hips and her legs, and her fingers ghosted over the jeans that covered up her cuts and scars, and sighed, knowing perfection was an impossibility with those reminders on her skin of how much she hates herself. No boy would want to date her, to want to be intimate, and to see the scars, reminding him of just how broken she is. To anyone but Lacey, she knew the scars were repulsive. But in her mind, they were proof of her hardship, her strength, and her weaknesses. They were a reminder that she would never be good enough, and she was fine with that, because she truly believed it.
Lacey quickly texted Matt, and went to go shower, and incidentally, cut her pale skin until it was colored with her despair and hate.
♠ ♠ ♠
I'd like to thank all those who commented on the last chapter :) I'm going to apologize (again) for the lack of updates, I haven't been feeling my best (lots of ugly thoughts), and I have school starting up on the 27th, so updates will be further apart, though I will try my best to update as often as possible. If you guys think the story is too graphic, just tell me, and I can tone it down if I get a few people who think so. If not, hopefully you enjoy this chapter!Just reminding you guys that you are each and every one of you beautiful, and that you should NEVER get into this self-harming business, or think that you need to watch what you eat to be more attractive. I guarantee you are unique, and perfect the way you are. :)
Stay amazing, subscribe, and don't be afraid to comment!!
P.S. Originally, I was going to have Lacey get close with Kara, but I figured Matt would be a better fit, given he's almost like a mother hen :P Do you guys approve?
P.P.S. I wrote a one-shot (Zack/OFC) with a plot based on 'The One That Got Away' by Katy Perry, and I'm a little reluctant to post it, given it's only 700 some words, but if I get enough requests, I might. So just say the word!