That Little Box That Beats In Your Chest

By the next morning, Lacey felt like dying. She had barely slept, tossing and turning for hours until she found comfort in her music. She knew she looked bad. So it’s going to be one of those days, she thought as she slowly got out of bed. She got up to look at herself in her mirror, and would have cried, that is, if she ever cried. Things were spiraling out of control, she could feel the last of her happiness slip through her fingers every minute she had to deal with her pain and her sadness alone.

Lacey was tired of being alone. She was tired of not trusting everyone, she was tired of her crappy relationship with her parents. She knew she made everything difficult, refusing to address them for days at a time, but letting them in and talking to them would require trust. She couldn’t do that. Every time she tried to trust them, it would work for a few days, and somebody would do something that would just turn the mood sour. Lacey needed somebody to speak to. She knew she couldn’t keep this to herself much longer, as it was slowly eating her up, thoughts of ending her life sneaking up on her late at night. She was beginning to scare herself.

She went about her daily routing as she woke up. She got dressed, ate, brushed her teeth, straightened her bangs and did her makeup. As she was lining her eyes, she realized nobody at this school had ever seen her without makeup. This scared her, because with her short hair, she had been mistaken as a boy. And with her tomboy-ish style of clothing, makeup was the only way people knew she was a girl (she lacked what Shayla did not – boobs), and the heavier, the easier to identify.
On the bus, she offered a very brief excuse to Rian as to why she had declined his ride the day before, and proceeded to shut him out with the help of her iPod.

By the time the bus arrived at the high school, Lacey felt as unmotivated as the sun that had yet to appear, rather hiding behind the gray clouds. She could understand that, the decision to hide today; she felt the same way.

Attempting to ignore Zack and his mouth-for-hire, Lacey went the long way around to get to her locker, passing through the seventh and eighth grader hallways on the way there. They had better break up soon , Lacey thought as she speed-walked her way through the corridors. Have they heard of deodorant?

-----

She sat through her morning classes without absorbing what was being said, she just sat there and took notes. None of the boys had any idea she wasn’t herself, and she realized that it was true; boys just couldn’t read people like girls could.

Lunch time creeped up, and she was hoping to eat alone, or rather pretend alone. That would not be the case, with Jack all but jumping on their table the second she walked into the cafeteria. That kid is crazy, she thought as she faked a smile to wear for lunch. She noticed Zack was absent, and her unspoken question was quickly answered by Jack.

“If you’re wondering where Mr. Muscles is, rumour has it that there’s trouble in paradise. Apparently after yesterday’s soccer game, Shayla got a little too close to the captain for Zack’s liking,” Jack said, nearly giddy with the juicy information he could finally share with somebody who actually seemed to care.

“Oh well that’s too bad,” Lacey replied, dead-pan. Jack noted her lack of emotion, and winked at her. Does he know about my little crush, Lacey wondered as she went back to her apple.

The bell rang a little while later signaling the end of socialization for the day, and Lacey got up and headed for chemistry. She had been dreading this all day. As she walked into the class with a few minutes to spare, she saw a pile of papers on the teacher’s desk. That was fast. It must be the tests.

Matt strolled into the class as the bell rang, and sat down, not bothering with any sort of posture.

“I think he has already corrected the tests,” Lacey informed him.

“Oh really? Bring it,” he challenged the teacher under his breath.

The teacher passed around the tests, and groans were heard from nearly three quarters of the class. Lacey tried to keep up a semblance of coolness as her test was handed to her, the teacher avoiding her eyes. 64. She had gotten a 64%. Never before had she scored so low in a science class.

Matt had seen her grade, and offered up his hand in a high-five after he showed her his grade. He had scored three points lower than her. She gave him his high-five and turned to face the front of the class again, so the teacher could correct the test, and show her how stupid she was to have not known what to answer.

-----

The final bell rang, and she joined Jack and Alex at their lockers.

“Any updates on Zack’s love life?” Lacey inquired.

“Well,” Alex teased her, purposely dragging out the last syllable, “supposedly they have broken up. Which even for high school could be one of the shortest relationships ever.”

“If you could even call it that,” Jack muttered.

“Well that sucks, maybe we should take him to a movie to get his mind off it?” Lacey suggested, hoping for an opportunity to pick his brain about what happened.

“Oh my God, let’s do it!” Jack nearly jumped on Lacey he was so excited. Alex attempted to calm him down, but to no avail. Jack was already halfway down the hallway, leaving his locker wide open, looking for the other two band mates. Alex and Lacey chuckled, locked his locker, and went to catch up with the Lebanese teen that had found the others, and was nearly rendering them deaf with his enthusiasm.