That Little Box That Beats In Your Chest

The next month and a half went by in the same manner, Lacey would wake up, weigh herself, avoid food, sit next to Rian on the bus, attend classes, eat with the guys at lunch, go to her other classes, and either go home, or go to Rian`s and get yelled at by her mother for one reason or another. Then, she would weigh herself again, eat or not (depending on the day), shower, cut, sleep. It was a cycle that was taking its toll on Lacey. Not in an academic way, she was doing well in all her classes. It was mentally that Lacey suffered. With every day, she hated herself more and more. She would avert her eyes if she walked past a reflective surface, and then turn back and stare at herself, and pick out her flaws. She would suck in her already very flat stomach, or run her fingers over the parts in her skin, or just stare, wondering how she had become this. Her thighs were getting more and more scarred, and her body just got more and more disgusting to her. She would see couples, see boys, and wonder how anybody could ever love her, accept her true self. The boys had no idea. They were clueless. They would comment on the bracelets or the rubbing of the thighs when the cuts would sting in class, or the decline in food bought at the cafeteria, but she would make things up, and they believed her. All in all, Lacey’s hate for herself consumed her, and nobody noticed.

-----

Over lunch in late October, Rian turned to Lacey, and asked her if she’d like to go to a Halloween party with them.

“I’ve never actually been to a party, so I don’t really know… I’d like to go, though.” Rian had recently acquired a car, and he had been driving Lacey and the other guys to and from school.

“I can pick you up, and drop you off if that helps.”

“That actually would help,”, Lacey said with a small smile “and I almost definitely can go now!”

“Yes!!” Jack yelled, pumping his fist into the air. “This party is now going to rock!”

Lacey smiled. She had gotten closer to each of the boys in different ways over the past month or so. Zack would share his music with her, they would exchange songs. Rian was her chauffeur, and someone to make her feel better about herself when she was having a bad day. Jack would make her laugh until she thought she would pee herself, and she felt herself feeling more and more attracted to him. His positive attitude seemed contagious, and she felt better around him. Alex was, well, Alex. He would act like a diva at some points, and then say something really deep. She noticed he never really dated any girls, even though they flocked around him, and he could be idiotic and self-centered, but Lacey still felt close with him, and each of the members of All Time Low.

Though her life at school was great, she found herself fighting her parents more and more. She was constantly being put down by her mother, who would yell out insults in the heat of the moment. Lacey knew that they were thrown at her in sheer frustration, but she couldn’t help but believe that if her mother said those things, she must be thinking them too. Her father would remain impartial most of the time, once in a while siding with one of the two females in the household. Lacey was grateful for that, she couldn’t deal with any more hate from those who put her on this planet.

-----

Halloween was fast approaching, and Lacey had yet to pick out a costume. She decided that she and the guys should make an outing of it. She suggested the idea to Rian the week before the party, and he agreed with an abnormal amount of enthusiasm.

When Rian picked up the whole bunch, and drove to the mall, they blared Blink-182 through the car stereo speakers. Lacey felt carefree in what seemed like a long time. They got to the mall, parked, went in, and quickly found a store dedicated entirely to Halloween costumes.
Alex and Jack wandered off, and Lacey stayed with Zack and Rian. She quickly picked out a costume, and showed it to Zack with a smile.

“Hey Zack, look at what I found…”

“Where did you get that? I wanted to be Superman…”

“Well, you could be, since technically I would be Superwoman, but unless you want matching costumes…”

“Yeah, but I wouldn’t mind, as long as I could dress up as Superman.”

“Are you, Zack Merrick, saying that you would wear matching costumes with me to a party?”, Lacey teased.

“Well, we could just stay in separate rooms at all times. Nobody would ever know.”, Zack said, searching through a rack of costumes, and grinning as he pulled out a Superman costume.

“It’s your funeral, Zack.” Lacey laughed a little, and went to try on the costume. It was tight, much tighter than any clothing she owned. She instantly felt self-conscious. She could hear Zack unlocking the change room door next to her own, and decided she should take a chance, and see what he thought of it.

“Well, well, well… What have we got here?”, Zack teased as she walked out. Lacey blushed quicker than she thought possible, and brought her eyes away from the tiled floor of the store to look at Zack’s costume.

“You don’t look too bad yourself, Mr. Merrick.”

“I think we both make pretty good superheroes. I don’t know about you, but I’m buying this.”
“I’m not sure… Isn’t it a little…tight?”

“Lacey, you look good. Rian! Alex! Jack! Get over here!” The three other boys came over and whistled in appreciation. Lacey smiled, and felt somewhat better about the costume, and decided she would buy it. Alex and Jack had already purchased their costumes, and were refusing to show what it was, and Rian had found a Mr. Potato Head costume he thought was the funniest thing in the world. Jack was teasing him the rest of the ride home, calling him a potato.