This Ain't Goodbye

It was a quaint carnival on Winona Lake when Sam and Mercedes had been there last. It was their last unofficial date. Not because Sam officially asked Mercedes out afterwards, but because he moved to Kentucky less than a week later.

The place was just as packed as it had been last summer. Mercedes could still remember that day as clearly as if it had just happened yesterday.

Instead of the carnival, there was some sort balloon festival. Huge hot air balloons of all different sizes and shapes were swaying on the ground, waiting for take off. They weren’t regular balloons like those plain striped ones Mercedes had seen in movies or commercials. These ones were decorated elaborately or had taken the form of some character. Mercedes could see Sam eying the Darth Vader one with particular boyish vigor.

Sam circled around the parking lot until he found an empty spot. They sat in silence, mesmerized by the size and flamboyance put into these crafts. Sam hopped out of the car and ran around before Mercedes could move, opening the door chivalrously, grinning widely. Mercedes thanked him graciously, taking his hand warmly in hers as they set off through the festival.

They stopped at some vendor selling homemade bracelets before heading in to examine the balloons more closely. Mercedes felt the texture, enjoying the bright patterns when Sam spoke up, holding a matching set of bracelets in his hand. “Greens still your favorite color, right?”

“What’s your favorite color?” Sam asked, changing his money for two double scoop ice cream cones on the hot August day. Mercedes thanked him with a smile and answered, “Green.”

Sam nodded in agreement, “Good choice. The color of my eyes.” He smirked.

Mercedes rolled her eyes, “What about you, lover boy?”

Sam pursed his lips, pondering it, “Brown.”

Mercedes couldn’t help but giggle, “Brown?” She chastised jokingly, “Why on earth would your favorite color be brown?”

“Because it’s the color of your eyes,” He flashed her a cocky grin.

“Well, aren’t you the charmer.” Mercedes blushed lightly despite herself. Sam tossed a lazy arm over her shoulder, pretending to find the tea cup ride they were standing next to to be very entertaining. Mercedes didn’t push the arm off like she usually would have. They had been keeping their relationship on the down low. But, she liked the feeling of Sam’s body next to hers. Even in the ungodly summer air, she didn’t mind his body heat against her.

When Sam knew Mercedes wouldn’t shrug him off, he looked clearly pleased with himself. “Next question.”

This was the game they always played when they were together. They could ask whatever they wanted, no matter how personal, with one pass per day. The only rule was they had to tell the truth.

Mercedes had once asked him how they could know for sure if they were telling the truth. Sam simply replied with, “Trust me.” So, she did.

“If you could live any where in the world, where would it be?” Mercedes questioned. Sam licked his ice cream, leaning against a gate surrounding some kiddy ride.

“Canada.” He decided. His answers never ceased to amaze Mercedes. “Because that’s where the Biebs lives.”

Mercedes shook her head in awe and slight disgust. “You have a problem.”

The cocky smile was back and brighter than ever.

“When you graduate, what do you want to do with your life?” Sam asked this question everyday and everyday Mercedes would use her one pass on it. Sam was persistent, he didn’t care how long it would take him to get her to talk about their future, but he would make it happen.

“Pass.” Mercedes said simply, licking her dripping cone.

“Come on, Mercedes.” Sam pouted with his big lips and playful eyes. “Just this once, answer it.”

“I can’t answer it.” She muttered, placing her sunglasses on the top of her head.

“I’ll allow you to revoke the pass.” Sam told her, “But, just this once. I’m not into cheaters.”

Mercedes could always count on Sam Evans to make a joke out of everything. It was always funny, but she wasn’t in the mood for jokes when it came to her undecided future. It was breathtakingly scary and quickly torpedoing its way toward her. Senior year was almost here. She should be educating herself on colleges but all she wanted to do was scream when she thought about it.

“I can’t answer it because I don’t know what I want to do, Sam.” Mercedes sighed in distress. She could feel Sam staring a hole into the right side of her face, waiting for her to look up and let him hypnotize her with those beautiful, puppy dog eyes, telling her they’d figure it all out.

When Mercedes finally looked up, Sam didn’t say those words that she wanted him to say. He didn’t say it because there was a strict no lying policy placed on this game and he honestly didn’t know what would happen in the future. Sam’s future was still undecided. He was living in a motel, his dad was still looking for a job (out of state, now), and though Sam had two years left in high school, he didn’t know what he wanted out of life either.

“If you could marry one Canadian celebrity, who would it be?” Sam asked instead, veering away from the sensitive topic.

Mercedes blinked, smiling sadly at the blonde boy who had stolen her heart. A lump was rising in her throat so she nodded. Sam bought the two green bracelets from the vendor and tied one around Mercedes’ wrist. She fumbled with the strings as she returned the favor to Sam. Once she had finally finished, Sam enveloped one hand around hers and the other forced her chin up gently.

“What’s wrong?” He asked calmly.

Mercedes shook her head, feeling tears fighting to break out of her eyes. “Nothing. They’re beautiful.” She played with the bracelet anxiously.

“Remember that no lying policy?” Sam questioned lightly, “You’re breaking the only rule.”

Mercedes sniffed, “I didn’t realize we were playing.”

“I asked a question, didn’t I?”

“I don’t want it to end.” Mercedes answered shakily. “I don’t want to let you go. I can’t.” She buried her face in her chest. Sam wrapped his arms around her tightly, rocking her back and forth lightly.

“This isn’t the end.” He muttered kindly into her hair. “It’s a new beginning for you.”

Mercedes snorted at his cliché words.

“Once upon a time, you used every pass instead of talking about your future. Now, it’s here and that’s scary.” Sam said knowingly, “But, the only difference is you know what you want to do and you have plans to get there. Your future is no longer up in the air. It’s safe in California. And you’re going to do amazing things.”

Mercedes closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath. Sam’s sweet words helped her calm down. “How do you know?” She said in a small voice.

“Trust me.”