Harder Than You Know

“Mommy wake up!” Jade yelled jumping up and down on my bed.

I cracked open one of my eyes and groaned. Apparently Emily took the liberty of opening my blackout curtains and letting the sunlight filter through the windows. I grabbed Jade’s legs and pulled her down onto the bed with me burying us both in the blanket. “I don’t want to wake up. I want to stay in my bed forever and never leave.” I whined.

“Come on you need to get up and get dressed before the guys show up.” Emily said as she pulled the blankets off of me and tossed them to the ground.

The cold air instantly hit my body and I shivered wrapping my arms around me. “It’s so cold.” I whined as I cuddled up to Jade.

“Mommy if you don’t ever leave the bed where are you going to go pee?” Jade asked looking at me like I had lost my mind.

“I was just kidding sweetie. I’m getting up and I’m going to go pee in the potty.” I replied with a smile.

“Why do you still have that hand print on your face?” Jade asked as she followed me into the bathroom.

“Cause Aunty Emily drew it on my face in permanent marker and it’s really hard to wash off.” I replied as I shooed her out of the bathroom. If there is one thing that that kid didn’t understand it was personal space, yet another thing she got from her father. I sighed as I looked at my face in the mirror my lip was still slightly cracked and swollen, and the handprint that went across my left cheek was a deep purple almost black color. I shook my head in disgust before walking over to the toilet to relieve myself. I wasn’t even going to try and cover the hand print on my face I had tried to do it the day after it happened and it just drew more attention to my face. I pulled my hair up into a sloppy bun before I started washing the dirt and oil off of my face. I cringed in pain as I ran the wash cloth over my face.

“I wouldn’t go in there if I was you. Mommy doesn’t like it when people go into the bathroom while she’s in there; she will yell at you.” Jade warned someone. I assumed it was probably Zacky since Emily was over here and they were going to watch her while I was gone.

“She can yell at me if she wants.” A familiar voice replied from the other side of the door. I knew Zacky’s voice and that was definitely not him. I quickly turned off the water and pulled my hair out of the bun letting it fall in my face trying to hide the large bruise on my cheek. I opened the door to revile Craig on all fours and Jade on his back laughing as he pretended to neigh. “Where’s everybody else?” I asked trying my best to stifle a laugh.

“Hmm?” Craig replied as he tried to blow some of his hair out of his face.

“The other guys, where are they?” I repeated as I picked Jade up off of Craig’s back and threw her down on the bed making her laugh as she bounced.

“Monte and Robert are asleep in their bunks and Max went to go put your things on the bus.” He replied as he picked himself up off the ground. “What happened to your lip?” He asked when he straightened up and was finally able to see my face.

I quickly ran my hand over my hair making sure the bruise was covered, which was a hard thing to do considering how Matt’s handprint nearly took up the whole left side of my face. “I got bitched slapped.” I replied with a shrug. I grabbed my purse off the dresser and walked over to Jade picking her up off the bed. “I’m going to miss you so much kiddo.” I said pulling her in for a tight hug. “I’ll see you in three weeks and then again on your birthday. Oh and I’ll talk to you every day on the computer or on the phone. You better be a good girl for Aunty Emily and Uncle Zack while I’m gone, oh and tell Uncle Matt he’s a big fat doody head.” I said before giving her a kiss on the cheek and handing her to Zacky.

“I’m going to miss you.” Emily sniffled as she pulled me into a hug.

“You say that like I’m never coming back. You’ve got my princess believe me I’m coming back.” I replied with a laugh.

“I’m totally going to make sure she calls him a doody head by the way. I personally believe he deserves to be called much worse, but Jade calling him that should work enough.” Emily laughed as she pulled away from the hug.

“That bastard deserves to be called every bad name under the sun.” I grumbled as I made my way over to Zacky. “Take care of my baby, and if she’s not fluently playing guitar by the time I come back you’re fired from being her God Father.” I said before hugging him and subsequently Jade since she was in his arms.

“Fire me I dare you! You can’t replace me!” He yelled trying to hide his laugh, but the smile on his face gave it away.

“One more kiss before I go.” I said before I leaned over and kissed Jade on the cheek. “I love you!”

“Awe, I thought you wanted a kiss from me.” Zacky replied with a pout causing Emily to softly slap him on the back of the head.

“Do you see what I have to live with this woman is abusive are you sure you want your daughter staying with us.” I cringed at the thought of someone beating my baby.

“I’m only abusive to you, sweetie.” Emily replied with a sickly smile. “Jade is going to be fine. Get on that bus already and start making me my money woman. You know this house doesn’t pay for itself, and I need some money for these new shoes I saw at the store yesterday.” Emily replied in a fake preppy voice.

“Come on Miranda we need to get on the road.” Craig said grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the front door.

“Bye everybody I love you!” I yelled behind me waving at everyone with my free hand.

“What the fuck took you so long?” Max yelled as we walked onto the bus. He was sitting on the couch with a bowl of Trix in his lap.

“I’m a mom and I had to say goodbye to my daughter. It’s not like I’m going to be like peace kid I’m going catch you on the flip side.” I replied in my best thug voice.

“Wow you really suck at that.” Craig laughed as he took a seat next to Max.

“I guess that’s why I was born a white girl.” I replied with a shrug. Just then the bus took off quickly with a jolt and sent me flying to the floor. Max’s bowl of cereal flew out of his lap and landed on my chest, drenching me in milk and colorful cereal.

“Sorry about that guys. I didn’t realize I parked right in front of a speed bump and it took some force to get this thing over it.” The driver yelled from the front.

“It’s okay we’re all fine, Max lost his breakfast, and Miranda’s a little wet now, but we’re fine.” Craig replied with a laugh. I grabbed a piece of cereal from the ground and flicked it at Max’s face.

“What was that for?” Max whined as he picked the cereal out of his hair and threw it back at me. “It’s not like I intentionally threw my food at you, well until now.” He amended.

“Well if you had been eating it at the table like you’re supposed to that wouldn’t have happened.” I growled as I pushed myself up off of the floor and wiped the soggy cereal from my shirt. “I’m not picking this up.” I replied crossing my arms as I looked at the mess around me. I felt something cold and I looked down into my tank top to find some cereal in there as well. “What the fuck” I whined as I pulled some of Max’s breakfast out of my shirt and threw it to the ground with the other pieces. “What are you looking at me like that for?” I replied looking at the guys like they were idiots.

“You’ve got a white shirt on and it’s wet.” Craig replied in a duh voice.

“Jesus Christ guys it’s not like you haven’t seen tits before.” I replied crossing my arms over my chest.

“Well I haven’t seen yours before.” He replied with a cheesy smile. Max sat there quietly with a slight blush on his cheeks.

I rolled my eyes. “Where are my bags?” I asked looking at Max since I knew he was the one who had brought them on the bus.

“Oh umm… second bunk on the left side.” He replied as he looked over at the bunk area and tried to remember.

“Thanks.” I replied before setting off to change my clothes. I grabbed the first shirt out of my bag and made my way over to the bathroom to change. I sighed in frustration when I realized it was locked. I walked back over to the bunk area and closing the curtain that divided the bunks from the rest of the bus. I had just taken off my shirt when someone poked their head out of their bunk.

“There’s a half-naked girl on the bus.” Whoever it was screamed in delight.

“Who the fuck are you?” I screamed as I tried to shield my chest with my hands.

“I’m Michael.” He replied with a smile on his face.

“Nice to meet you Michael, now go!” I demanded as I pointed towards the front of the bus.

"I think I'll stay in here." He replied closing the curtain to his bunk.

“What’s with all the yelling?” Monte asked poking his head out from the top bunk. “Oh shit sorry Miranda.” He replied quickly pulling his head back into his bunk and closing the curtain.

“Whoever needed to use the bathroom it’s open.” Robert yelled while throwing open the curtain dividing the bunks from the rest of the bus. “Whoa sorry.” Robert squeaked as he threw his hand over his eyes.

I sighed loudly before walking towards the front of the bus. “Anybody else want to see my tits?” I yelled before pulling my shirt over my head and down my torso.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Max asked with a laugh.

“Well I figured since everybody else in the band had seen them I would let you see them too.” I replied as I threw myself down on the couch next to him.

“You excited about the tour?” Max asked trying to start conversation.

“With the way it’s started off no I’m dreading it.” I replied with a yawn.

“Well think of it this way … everybody’s already seen you naked, so that’s one less thing you have to worry about.” Craig piped up trying to lighten my mood.

“Nope, but you still have to worry about me walking in on your changing, and hopefully not laughing.” I replied with an evil smirk.

“I don’t!” Max replied with a cheeky grin.

“You’ve seen Max naked, and you haven’t gone blind. I’m amazed!” Craig laughed.

“I couldn’t see for about two week but my sight eventually came back.” I joked back.

“You lie! I’m sexy and you know it!” Max replied poking me in the side causing me to squeal.

“Stop tickling me.” I managed to get out between laughs.

“Only when you admit that I’m sexy.” Max replied with a laugh.

“Fine Max your drop dead fucking gorgeous, now stop tickling me.” I yelled in between laughs.

“I just said sexy, but that will work.” He replied with a smirk.

“Am I going to have to babysit you two the whole tour. I don’t want to wake up to the bus rocking or moans or anything.” Craig replied with a serious look on his face causing both Max and myself to laugh.

“I’m not going to get any sleep this whole tour am I?” Monte asked coming out of the bunk area with his hair plastered to the side of his face.

“He started it.” I said pointing my finger at Max.

“I did not!” He defended poking me in the side again.

“You threw your cereal at me!” I countered.

“I did not the bus did!” He said poking me in the side again.

“Stop poking me…” I whined.

“Cut it out kids, you don’t want make me pull this thing over.” Craig replied with a laugh.

“Oh great I’m on tour with a bunch of 5 year olds.” Monte muttered as he walked over to the refrigerator.

“I love you Monte!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.

“Yea, yea, yea.” He replied waving me off as he walked over to the table and began to eat his breakfast.

“What no I love you back?” I asked as I pulled my hair into a ponytail.

“I love you back.” He replied with a smirk.

“What he fuck is that?” Craig shrieked when he saw the bruise on my face.

“Would you believe me if I said it was permanent marker?” I asked as I ducked my head.

“No!” He replied crossing his arms and waiting from the truth.

“Damn cause Jade did. I uhh … I got bitch slapped.” I replied putting my hand over the bruise trying to hide it.

“No female did that, that hand print is too big.” Craig said holding his hand up to my face to compare it to his own causing me to flinch away. “I didn’t mean to scare you sweetie.” He replied wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into a hug.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Max yelled in frustration since he was sitting on my right side he couldn't see the bruise. He stood up from the couch and walked over to see the left side of my face. His mouth hung open in shock when he saw the bruise. “Who did this to you? Do you have anymore?” He asked as he started lifting up my shirt and pulling up the legs of my pajama pants to reveal my legs.

“No that’s it. It was stopped before anything else happened.” I replied as I stood up from the couch to go to my bunk.

“Miranda who did that to you?” Max demanded to know following after me.

“Just don’t worry about it.” I replied as I walked past the kitchen area. Monte looked up from his bowl of cereal and a look of shock spread onto his face. He dropped his spoon back into the bowl causing it to splatter on his bare chest.

“How can I not worry about it?” Max replied

“It’s not going to happen again.” I retorted as I crawled into my bunk.

“And how do you know that?” He replied getting a little angry with me.

“Because he’s my brother…” I whispered as tears started to fall from my eyes.

“Matt wouldn’t hit you.” Max tried to defend my brother.

“Oh but he did, right after you guys left as a matter of fact.” I replied closing the curtain to my bunk. I started looking through my bags for my Ipod and I quickly shoved the ear buds into my ears turning the volume all the way up. “I can’t here you … la, la, la….” I said when I could still here Max talking. I heard him give a frustrated growl before he stomped off.