Signed, Forever Yours

Amberlee sits on her bed with her head in her hands. It is Saturday night and she hasn’t heard from Caleb in a few hours, and normally he was quick to respond to her. Had she said something offensive? She glances through all of their text messages and comes up empty handed. She sighs heavily. Was he just not interested in her? She thumbs the scar on her wrist and shivers at the pain it once caused. What if he could never understand? She feels her heart skip a beat. He thought she was perfect, but she was so far from it. What if he is disappointed at what he finds once he really got to know her? What if she isn’t good for him once he knows? What if he wants someone pure and unharmed?

She knows she wants to be with him, something has drawn him to her. It’s like he is masking something and she is dying to find out what it is. Maybe he feel the same about her, but what if her secret is too overwhelming for him? What if he doesn’t want to help fix her? Is she even ready to be fixed? It’s been so long since she felt the last glimmer of hope. She checks her phone for what feels like the hundredth time. Her stomach did a flip as she sees she had an unread message.

“Am, honey, I’m outside, please let me in.
I’m sorry for everything, please forgive me.
Jarrod”

She slowly rises from her bed. She looks out the window at the barely lit street, and sees her ex-boyfriend standing there, his hands in his pockets. She sighs. She glances at her phone one last time before shutting it off and trudging downstairs. She stares at the mahogany door for a moment, her hand gently resting on the brass doorknob, as she twists it open. Jarrod attacks her with a bear hug, whispering many apologies. She feels her heart jump a little.

“Jarrod, promise you won’t hurt me anymore. I can’t take it.” She looks down at his shoes. She hopes and prays that she isn’t making the wrong decision. She really has missed him, despite the pain he had put her through. Most of the time he was a good guy, he just had some flaws, like everyone does. He surely didn’t mean to hurt her. His fingers softly caress her cheek, and then lift her face to his. He wipes away the tear that she shed without even knowing. See? He could be sweet, right? She looks at him hopefully, as he holds out his pinky, silently making the promise. She interlocks her pinky with his.

Amberlee beckons Jarrod inside. She couldn’t believe she was doing this. A small smile plays on her lips. What is so wrong with feeling a bit of happiness? If Caleb could be without her, then she could do the same right? It wasn’t like it was a sin. She curls up on the couch with her first love and rests her head on his lap. He combs through her hair with his fingers and she closes her eyes. She loves him when he was like this. He was like a totally different person. She felt so at ease when he showed how much he cared.

Amberlee awakes the next morning feeling well rested. She stretches, turns on her phone, and stares out the window as it starts up. She smiles at the newly blossoming flowers and the sun’s rays beaming through the clouds. It looks like a wonderful day out, and she couldn’t wait to step out into the warmth of spring. She looks back at her phone and sees one unread message from Caleb.

“I hope you’re ok.
I’m really sorry but I have a girlfriend now.
Friends?
C.”

Amberlee feels her heart plummet within her chest. She re-reads the message. She did the same thing to him, so why was she so hurt by this? She stares at the keys for a few minutes, trying to come up with the right words. Why did this have to be so hard? She did the same thing. She was the same horrible person.

“It’s ok, Jarrod and I are back together.
Friends.
A.”

She sighs and gives Jarrod a good morning kiss.