It's Time to Be Happy Again

My nerves had been eating away at me for weeks, but as time passed they just got more vicious. Right now, I was almost freaking out. And it was only 7 in the morning or shortly after. I had gotten up extra early to make sure I got ready on time and didn't forget anything. It suited me anyway, since I wasn't in the proper shape to sleep. I was jumpy enough as it was and then I'd gone and drank two mugs of coffee. Fiddling at my shirt for the millionth time in front of the mirror, I simply couldn't find anything more to improve on my looks. Not that I'm some overly hot guy. My self-esteem was high enough for me to say that it was satisfying.

Because 6 year olds always judge how a teacher is by the way they look, I reminded myself with sarcasm, a sigh escaping my lips. I really had to relax. Getting worked up about something I would have to face the rest of my life wasn't worth it. First timers are always worst, I admit. But I had worked hard the last few years for this. And I had enjoyed working with first graders in school before. It couldn't be all too different...right? Ugh, this was dreadful. I loved kids and I was eager to pass knowledge on to them, but I was a bit insecure. I knew I could keep them under control, I've had experience with that. But it was something else that worried me. Would I be able to actually teach them? It'd be awful if they left my class not having learnt the basics. I'd be fired as well and then I wouldn't have anything else to do in life... Maybe sell burgers at McDonalds...or be a waiter in a local diner...
No, I really needed to succeed as a teacher. I could do it and was determined to. I had to be.

I drove to the colorful elementary school as soon as it wasn't too ridiculously early and didn't see many cars in the parking lot yet. Oh well, I was the only new teacher here this year. You can't blame me for being nervous and messing up a bit. The other teachers I've already met have all been very nice though, and have offered help. I’ve also already been shown around. Fortunately. So I could find my way to my classroom now.

It was beautifully decorated. Bright, due to the big windows, and colorful, just like the rest of the school, it was the perfect environment for young children. Cheerful, detailed and… It just made me smile. Especially the smiling sun up on the wall next to the chalk board. My gaze went to my desk as I set down my bag and smiled at the toy dog next to the pencils. I had brought it with me the last time I had been here to brighten up the room even more – and it was a toy I had since I was small that had always comforted me. So he deserved a place up front. I had no doubt the kids were going to love him.

Sitting down in the chair, I looked across the room, trying to imagine 20 six year olds running around. It almost worked, but I stood up anyway. I hoped I wouldn’t be sitting at my desk all too often. I liked working with the kids, not just sitting there talking to them from so far away. It was ineffective. So, I walked through the much smaller desks, letting my fingertips trail over the wooden surface. Yes, I was actually getting more excited than nervous now. Even though this would be my first time officially teaching a class, I felt completely right at place.

~

The room came alive when the children entered, some with their mother’s at hand, some alone. Those who were alone immediately started talking, voices shrill and excited, claiming desks and calling a friend over to sit next to them. Most of them anyway. Every one of them was different though. They all had an individual personality. What I liked about kids was that they didn’t hide their feelings. They were true at heart and were themselves. Adults so often lost that. It was sad.

One girl especially captured my attention though. She had light blonde hair in a ponytail and wide blue eyes. She was hanging on to a bigger hand tightly and didn’t look like she wanted to let go any time soon. Not that she was the only one frightened but the person she was holding onto was a young male. I wasn’t one to judge but he looked way too young to be her father. I knew that all kinds of things happen in this world of ours nowadays though, so I just let it be.

I went up to the children, introducing myself to them and chatting. They made me smile. Slowly I made my way over toward the little blonde girl, who was shaking her head at the boy that was probably trying to get her to let go and join the other kids.

“Hello,” I greeted them both, sticking my hand out to the male, introducing myself with, “I’m Mr. Sanders.” I smiled at the young man as he greeted me back, telling me his name was August and that he was Naomi’s brother. This actually relieved me, if I was honest. Not that it had anything to do with me, but lives did get ruined when teens got children too early and I wouldn’t want that for anyone.

“So, you’re Naomi?” I asked, crouching down to the little girl, smiling softly. She just nodded timidly at me, gripping her brother’s hand even tighter. “That’s a beautiful name,” I told her. “Did your brother come up with that?” I was trying to help the girl relax. She didn’t seem as carefree as you’d imagine a six year old. I couldn’t tell if it was just current fear or something more. All that matter was that I wanted a real smile on that face.

She looked up at August curiously, who just chuckled quietly. “Did you?” she asked him, pressuring for an answer and I was already celebrating my success of getting her to speak.

“Yes, Mimi. I did,” he answered smoothly, smiling but I wasn’t sure if it reached his eyes. It didn’t seem to. But like I said, grown-ups lost their innocence of being themselves and showing true feelings. It’s not our fault though. Our society requires it. Whatever was hiding behind those eyes was the boy’s business and his only. No matter how much I wanted to help the same way I helped kids by teaching them.