It's Time to Be Happy Again

The boy stayed on my mind while I drove home, while I cooked and ate, ad I sat down to prepare tomorrow's lesson and then transferred to the bedroom to relax with a book. Doubts had started crawling under my skin and overpowering any other thoughts, leaving md anxious as I checked my phone in case August might've decided to contact me after all.

Maybe giving him my number was completely the wrong thing to do. I was a couple years older than him after all and his sister's teacher. Why should he want to have anything to do with me? It was inappropriate anyway.

All he did was be nice to be for Naomi's sake. I was the one reading too much into the situation. It was all just wishful thinking. And now he was weirded out by my advances... I knew it had been a bad idea! During the whole car drive I had tried to decide what to do, had attempted to convince myself to approach him and that I had done, whereas I just should've listened to my gut feeling from the beginning on.

Whatever. At least now I wouldn't be left wondering if this could've been something or not. I knee for sure now that he was out of the picture; as a friend and as something more.

Just as I had found some kind of peace in the matter and had managed to concentrate on the story I was trying to read, sipping some hot tea from my favorite mug, my phone buzzed. For a moment, I just sat there, staring at the rectangular device until the screen faded to black again before I considered reaching for it, trying not to get my hopes up just to get disappointed again. The book lay next to me, forgotten, a smile creeping onto my face as I read the message I got from him.

Hey :) Can't sleep? I sent back to him, not able to come up with something smart or funny to answer. All I was good at was socializing with first graders, which was nowhere near to talking to someone you'd like to date. I just had to hope that he wouldn't be too bored with me. Or maybe I could bore him to sleep. At least then he would get some, right?

Heh, yeah. Even if he did text me after all, I didn't see any future for the two of us. I wasn't going to let that dampen my mood now though. I was glad that he wanted to talk, better said text, no matter if it was just because he had nothing better to do.

Yeah, you either? The conversation was unsurprisingly stiff to begin with and I was ready for August to give up and me just not answer. But he always replied within a few minutes. Before I knew it, time was getting closer to morning and I suggested that he better try to sleep if he wanted to be fresh in the morning. As did I. At 8 o'clock sharp I would be entertaining 6 year olds again. Not that I would ever complain about that. I enjoyed hanging out with the kiddies.

They reminded me of my baby brother, Jason, who hadn't been a baby for quite a while. He was 14 by now actually. But he'd always be my baby brother. It might've sounded cliche but we shared a bond that ran deeper than average brotherhood and even though I was a few hours away now, we still saw each other regularly and chatted, either over video or simply texted. The kid was doing quite alright on his own, I had to admit as much as I had liked guarding over him.

I honestly can't remember how we ended up talking about weddings but it was nice and light topic for the night. I told him about my cousin Derek's wedding and the antics Jason had been doing, trying to rid himself of his boredom and make everyone laugh at the same time. Both of those he had managed to do. But he had always made a mess. Which of course was just another memory to laugh at as a family.

I had heard August's laugh in the back of my head as he sent a Haha and a laughing smiley. Remembering the bright sound and the image that went along with it, I smiled to myself, feeling rather relaxed, sleep slowly crawling through my limbs to claim me. And I slept quite soundly until my alarm clock destroyed my precious sleep too early.
*
I rose with a groan, rubbing my eyes. Before anything else, I sat up to check my phone but there was no new message. There was a stir of disappointment in my chest, but hey, it was early and the boy was probably still sleeping, which would be a great thing. Anyway, just because we had texted last night, that didn't mean we would be texting all the time now. Either way, I would see him in an about an hour when he came to drop Naomi off. The young male always came to exchange a few words with me if he wasn't running particularly late and I really enjoyed our chats even though they rarely lasted longer than 5 minutes. Our talks in the diner would take longer when there were no other customers that August needed to serve and I was glad to be spending so much time with the boy even though I would've loved to have so much more with him.

As I prepared the class room for today's lesson, I couldn't help but think back to our conversation last night. Marriage... Something I didn't put much thought to because I leaned more toward my own sex and currently, those marriages were still frowned upon here. So, there was no use in worrying about it. Of course, I hadn't mentioned that to August. I told him about my future plans of finding someone to settle with in a house with a garden for the kids to play with the dog. While doing so I kept the idea quite vague. I didn't mention a woman to settle with and I didn't mention the kids being mine. As much as I wanted kids of my own, there was not much chance two men would be allowed to adopt one, so the garden would be for the neighborhood kids. The dog would then be our baby.

I shook my head at myself, now feeling stupid for telling all of this to August. These foolish, cheesy day dreams of mine... How was he still supposed to respect me now? I had just flushed my masculinity down the drain. That was that. I had managed to convince myself there wouldn't be anything romantic between August and me but now it was getting clearer that I would even mess up any chance I might've had for a friendship as well.