Friends, Lovers, or Nothing

"This is how to be a heartbreaker," I softly sang the song by Marina and the Diamonds to myself, feeling the temperature of the water raining down from the shower with my fingers. It was scalding hot, just the way I liked it after a run. I stepped in, letting the water pound against my back and relax my tight muscles. I sighed in pleasure, smiling to myself.

That morning I had taken Tom for a run through my town. I showed him all the memorable places I could think of - my elementary school, junior high, and high school. I showed him the four houses my dad had lived in before he moved to Arizona. We ran through the downtown area of my quiet suburb, as unimpressive as it was. I showed him the library, the church where I went to preschool, and the places where I hung out with my friends. It was a long run, and when we returned to my childhood home we were both dripping in sweat and short of breath.

I was glad to show him more about me. It takes a village to raise someone, right? This town, even if I hated growing up in it, made me who I am.

Even though he was the guest, he insisted that I take a shower first. So, here I was, my mind reeling from the adrenaline. I couldn't tell you if it was from the man I was running with, the run, or the fact that I was running with him. It was probably all three. I quickly washed my hair, conditioned, and got out. I didn't want Tom to wait any longer.

I was drying myself off when the door opened. My eyes widened as I shot daggers at whoever was opening the door. I screamed when I saw Tom, hurriedly grabbing my towel and trying to cover myself.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I was told that no one was in here!" He said, having already jumped behind the door and leaving it open a crack so that he could explain himself.

I was absolutely mortified. My face was completely red, even though he couldn't see it. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. "Uh, I'll be out in a minute."

"Okay, take your time," He encouraged, apologizing again and closing the door gently.

I quickly and distractedly pulled on my clothes. I didn't bother to brush through my hair, drying it off a little and throwing it up into a messy bun. All I wanted to do at this moment was kill whoever told Tom the bathroom was unoccupied, because they sure as hell knew that wasn't the case.

We awkwardly passed each other and he apologized again, his big blue eyes full of concern.

"It's not your fault, Tom," I assured him. He nodded, pressing his lips together in a firm line before going into the bathroom shamefully. I shook my head, an entirely different kind of adrenaline pulsing through my veins. From the corner of my eye, I saw my grandmother. She stood in the doorway of her room with a big and knowing grin on her face.

"Baba!" I scolded. She laughed her big, hearty laugh and I felt a smile growing on my face in disbelief.

"That was for your benefit!" She pointed out, before disappearing into her room. I followed her without hesitation.

"What do you mean?" I asked, finding her sitting on her bed.

"You two are head over heels for each other and neither of you sees it. I guess I was just playing around," She smiled. My stomach dropped while I tried to process what she had just said.

My eyes flitted to the ground. "He doesn't feel that way about me."

"Oh but he does," She said insistently. "Darling, I've been around a lot longer than you and I'd like to think I know men."

I heard footsteps and my sister's laugh. She walked into the room purposefully. "Do you feel up to the parade Baba? It's going to be hot today."

"Of course I'm going. I'll be fine. Phoebe, where are my grandchildren?" She pestered. My sister and I rolled our eyes in unison.

"They're at least three years off. I'm not having any children in my twenties, or before I start my law firm," She said indignantly. "Why don't you ever ask Grace that?"

Baba sent me a wink. "She's still young. Besides, her relationship is just starting."

My sister's eyes widened. "Tom is your boyfriend? I knew it!"

"He's not my boyfriend!" I said defensively. I ran my hand down my freshly showered face in annoyance. Why were Tom and I the only sane ones who understood what friendship was? Why couldn't two people just be friends?

--

I lay in bed, my eyelids feeling like heavy weights. I wasn't actually in my designated bed. I was in Tom's. He had a better view of the TV, and he wasn't in the basement at this point in time so I didn't see anything wrong with borrowing his bed.

Today had been so long, and it wasn't even over yet. First the run, then the embarrassing showering, and then the parade. After the parade we spent a couple hours at the pool trying to cool off from the one hundred-something degree temperature. Finally we came home and I stumbled like a zombie into the nice cold basement.

I could only assume that upstairs they were making food and snacking. I knew I should've been up there with them, but I was uncontrollably tired. I needed a nap, or else I would've fallen asleep standing up or with my face in my food.

"There you are," Tom said softly. I was in that glorious state between awake and asleep, and I wasn't quite sure where he was. I felt the bed move up and down, causing me to deduce that he was on the bed now.

His arms wrapped around me and I squirmed. My eyes shot open and I saw the hurt look on his face. My heartbeat began to race. "S-sorry, it's just...I'm really hot. I like cuddling but not right now."

"I can accept that," He murmured. I couldn't bring my eyes away from his, no matter how urgently my self-esteem was telling me to look away.

We lay there staring at each other, until he flickered his eyes at me in that irresistible way. "You're beautiful, you know that?"

I blushed. "Well, duh."

He chuckled, leaning in and kissing my forehead. "You're my beautiful best friend. Let's take a nap."

I let the realization wash over me and felt my heart sink. This is where I stood. I was in his heart, but I was so far away from where I wanted to be. I was in that dreaded place no hopeless romantic ever wants to be - the friend zone.