The Love You've Claimed Was Just a Whisper

Today was the day. In a few hours Myles, Jordan and I would be on a plane to Ohio where the tour was going to kick off. Despite having finals and a temporarily insane roommate, the last two weeks had flown by and all of us were regretting that we hadn't started packing earlier. At least Jade had apologized and seemed to be back to normal.

"Hey Aly!" Jordan yelled from the living room.

"What?"

"Do you have my iPad"

"Negative."

"Fuck, alright I'll be back,"

"WAIT!"

"What?"

"See if my grey light up furries are over there. And I found Myles' red and grey sweater." I could hear Jordan's heavy footsteps coming down the hall to my room. "Here." I smiled tossing Myles's hoodie at him.

"Hey that's my black sweater." he said eyeing the zip up hoodie I was currently wearing.

"Nah uh."

"Yeah." he nodded in disagreement.

"Then where's mine?"

"I don't know." he shrugged, but that one is mine, it's big on you."

"Well its mine now, until it appears again."

"I want it back eventually though."

"Fine, whatever. Go pack I need to figure out what i still need to pack and what's temporarily misplaced."

This whole endeavor was becoming incredibly obnoxious. If the guys ever move it will be a nightmare since our stuff is scattered between houses. I was almost considering adding a second story to my house just to make sure they never did and to save from running back over to their place for the millionth time once I found something else they needed to pack. We'd be gone for just shy of 90 days with this tour and at the rate I was pulling out suitcases I was starting to wonder how any of the producers managed fly by dates. So far I had 2 giant suitcases of clothes (one for everyday and the other performance wear) another one of shower stuff and a medium sized one which had my laptop, travel hard drives so I could make music on the bus and any other things that would keep us entertained during the down time (cards, games, skateboards, etc.). At this point I needed to keep inventory.

I wondered into the studio to give it a once over and makes sure there wasn't anything else I needed. I'd packed both my laptops, one hard drive and a variety of synthesizers and MIDI controllers I used into trunks already so it was looking somewhat bare other than for my desk, couch bed, the remaining controllers, speakers and the wall art. I didn't want to risk taking too much out of my collection in case things got lost or stolen, that way I'd still have a way to make music. I was definitely done packing things in this room. As I turned to leaved I saw a black rectangle sticking out of the side of the couch with three red line in the center spelling out the "ill" logo for Skrillex. I'd found Jordan's iPad.

"What's missing now?" Jordan asked answering his phone.

"Nothing, er well nothing new. I found you iPad though."

"Thank you god!"

"Your welcome.."

"You're not funny."

"It'll be on the table...And yes I am pretty damn funny." I said hanging up.

"See this is why I'm glad I get to stay home and babysit Terror." Jade said as I made my way back through the living room towards be bedrooms.

"Tell me about it." I sighed running my hand over Terror's back as I passed the couch. "I wanna take him with me, but I can't." I loved my little cuddle buddy, but he was a cat and I didn't want to run the risk of losing him on tour. Plus I already had 4 bags of stuff I was taking, I didn't need another for my cat.

"What time do you guys need to be at LAX?" Jade called after me.

"In like 2 hours."

"You need to get on that shit, then."

"I know. Fuck!" I had to finished collecting my clothes and I still had to shower since it wasn't going to be a guarantee once we were on the buses and pack all that crap too. The most important things were done at least.

"Go shower slut," Jordan said leaning against my door.

"Asshole. I'm still packing.

"Yeah, I can see that. Smyles and I'll help and your slow as fuck." It was probably a good idea considering we'd have to be on the way to the airport soon.

"Okay." I said dropping another set of tanks tops into my suitcase. "This ones normal clothes, the other is for all the furries, hoods, cat masks, and you know." He nodded in response. I wasn't sure where Myles was, probably playing with Terror. He and Morpheus (Jordan's cat) were our children and required adequate goodbye love.

I showered quickly and changed into my black "We are the kids your parents warned you about" tank, white jeans, and black fuzzy slippers before slipping back into Jordan's black DC hoodie with green strings and rushing through my hair and make up. I wasn't sure if I was going to be meeting everyone tonight, but I wasn't going to risk looking like crap. With all my grooming supplies in hand I made my way out of the bathroom, but my suitcases weren't where I left them. I had forgotten to tell them to leave my normal wear bag so I could pack this crap in it.

"Yo," I said entering the living room where Myles and Jordan were waiting."Where's my suitcases.

"Car." Myles said scanning through our DVR.

"Smyles!" I whined.

"What? Oh geeze, my bad." he said getting up to retrieve my bag "I didn't realize you weren't done."

"No we did, we just wanted to fuck with you."

"Fuck you Jordan."

"Whoa. Just Whoa." He said turning off the TV. Terror poked his head up from his spot on the couch. "You're upsetting Terror."

"Whatever, he's my baby." I said staring at him. I'd have given him love, but I still had my hands full. By him I meant Terror, I was more than half tempted to toss something at Jordan's head, but in my current state I had no way to defend myself and would most likely end up breaking something.

"Here you go." Myles said placing my suitcase on the couch and opening it for me.

"Thank you Smyles." I said dropping all my grooming stuff into the designated square I had mapped out with suitcase dividers and hugging him. I had a tendency to go to the As Seen on TV store with Tabbi and buy things no one really needs, but come in handy from time to time.

"Aly what did I tell you about drinking before going to the airport." Jade said crossing her arms.

"Haha you're so funny. I can hug Myles when I'm sober too." It was a bit more rare, but it happened. It was also a bit sad that everyone including me knew I was drunk when I started hugging Myles, but he put up with it so I kept doing it until I'd inevitably passed out next to Jordan or end up by him the next morning. That could be why all of us were still single.

"We should probably get going soon, since its like 7:57 and our flight leaves at 9:45." Jordan said playing with Terror.

"Agreed." I said looking at Myles, who nodded.

"Well then," Jade said hopping up from her chair, "Say bye to Terror and we'll get going." I did as I was told, giving him one last cuddle and chin scratch and heading out behind Myles, Jordan, and Jade. She was dropping us off so that I wouldn't have to pay extended parking rates at LAX while we were gone. Plus her Navigator was the only thing big enough to take all of us and our bags. I was going to be needing one of those bag trolley things. Luckily LAX wasn't overcrowded at 10:00p.m. either. Getting through security was a blast through, at least for Jordan and Myles. I got held up with all my luggage and had to have everything searched at check-in and for carry on.

"Where are we going Ohio?" Jordan asked looking at the list of departing flights.

"Akron." Myles said "That way Gate 13."

"I'm hungry." I whined.

"We've got like 15 minutes to board. You can have my peanuts." Jordan waiting for me to follow them. I scrunched my nose.

"I hate peanuts."

"Maybe they'll have cookies." Myles offered.

"Oh well you're fucked if they have cookies cause I want those."

"Aw." I sighed.

"Awwaa." Jordan started.

"Ahhww" Myles answered. They continued this all the way to the gate getting higher and more elaborate in pitch. Normally I would have told them to shut up; however, watching them look like morons in public was more amusing. Of course I was the one getting odd looks. It seemed the other travelers assumed I was either responsible and would make them stop out of embarrassment or were curios as to why I was willing standing next to them.

We were seated in economy class - the nice way of saying coach. I was in between Jordan and Myles on the left side row 17. It was a bigger plane, the kind with 3 seats on either side of the aisle as opposed to 2. If I had to fly I preferred bigger planes, which didn't help me with argument about physics and made my fear more irrational, since smaller planes in theory would fly better, but whatever. Spiders and flying, I was entitled to two irrational fears. Most normal people had at least that many. The silver lining of this trip was if I died Jordan and Myles were going with me so we could all party together in the next life.

Being in the air wasn't as bad as taking off and landing for me. I could enjoy staring at the clouds and think about playing on them - minus the whole not being solid factor. As we took off Myles and Jordan each held my hand and Jordan kept his iPod on playing With You Friends (Long Drive) for me. It was quite endearing knowing he was breaking the law to keep me calm by playing my favorite soothing song.

"Your safe now, and I can't feel my fingers." Jordan said peeling my hand from his.

"Sorry."

"It's chill."

"So....what are we going to do for 5 hours." I asked. I couldn't sleep on planes especially under the circumstances.

"I don't know." Myles said "Pick something."

"Sleep." Jordan said.

"Can you really sleep right now?" I asked.

"No... is there beer on this plane we can play kings cup or something."

"It's like $15." Myles said

"Damn. Never mind."

"Go fish?" I offered.

"I guess. Jordan shrugged.

"Sure." Myles agreed. I really didn't know why I offered that suggestion. Every time we play I kick their asses and the get called a cheater. That also happened when we played dirty minds. Go fish lasted a good two hours before we ended up playing Limbo on my Macbook or rather Myles and Jordan told me what to do with the little guy, since I had control over the computer. Some where in there we were served cookies twice, and because Jordan teased me with his bag the flight attendant gave me an extra bag. Unfortunately cookies weren't that filling and barely kept me from becoming a "grimlin" and Braden put it. I was apparently like Gizmo from Grimlins. I was cute and fluffy so long as I was fed properly and you didn't get me wet otherwise I got all scary. The last wet part should have been proper sleep, but apparently don't get her wet sounded funnier because of the innuendo.

When we did finally land at 5:01 a.m. I was starving and prepared to eat at the first airport restaurant I saw. Or so I thought. As we walked through the portal from gate to waiting area, Joel and Lindsey were there with a giant sign that had my cat mask painted on it.

"Hey!" he said pulling me into a hug. "It's been a while." he joked. "Oh this is Lindsey."

"Hi." I smiled as she went to hug me too. "It's nice to meet you."

"You too! Joel's been excited about this for the past two weeks."

"Ahem." Jordan coughed.

"Oh god. Joel, Lindsey this is Myles," I said putting my arm around him. "And this asshole," I looked at Jordan and smiled "Is my other best friend Jordan."

"Sup man." Joel said shaking both their hands followed by Lindsey giving each of them a hug.

"Pleasures all mine, sir." Myles said.

"Yeah definitely, what he said." Jordan said trying to remain chill.

"Just so you know when your not looking they are going to have a very embarrassing girl moment." I smiled as Jordan eyes went wide. "Yeah dangle cookies in front of me again when I'm hungry." Jordan shook his head. "Love you." I grinned.

"Uh Joel are you sure she's not a mini you and not mini Sonny?" Lindsey laughed. It was my turn to blush.

"I don't know. Maybe." he shrugged. "Anyway, we're in a hotel until about 1:00 p.m. when its checkout time, so we can get on the road and make the. The bus is out there though so we can load your stuff on there if you need before we go to the rooms."

"Can we feed her?" Jordan asked. Myles nodded in agreement.

"She may be Gizmo right now, but she's about to go grimlin."

"Haha. Yea let's get your shit and then we can feed you."

"I don't get it." Lindsey said confused.

"Tell me you've seen Grimlins."

"No. What? You've never seen Grimlins?! Cute fuzzy aliens that you can't get wet. Or do they not have those in the south."

"Shut up! No I've never seen it."

"Oh my god! Go home, I'll get you a ticket right now." Jordan, Myles and I watched amused at the exchange.

"Whatever." She laughed and shoved him. I looked and Myles and Jordan. There had to be plenty of times we looked like that in public. This was going to be an adventure of a life time.

"Why don't Aaliyah and I get food, while you boys do all the heavy lifting." Lindsey suggested. Jordan went to protest, but got elbowed by Myles.

"Ow." he scowled.

"I prefer nice Aly to hungry Aly." Myles said.

"I was gonna do it anyway." he pouted.

Joel was still pondering this proposition. I was neutral. I wanted my stuff to be safe as much as I wanted food. Which was looking to be McDonald's, since that was the only food thing I'd see so far.

"Okay, get me coffee though." he said pulling out his wallet. I looked at Myles and Jordan expecting their requests.

"I'm not hungry." Jordan said.

"I don't care as long as its not shellfish."

"Well duh, I know you're allergic." he just shrugged in response.

"Shall we?" Lindsey smiled "I think the only thing in here is McDonald's though."

"That's fine, I'm beyond caring at this point." I laughed.

Despite his "not hungry" statement I got Jordan a mcgridle sandwich and Myles a breakfast platter. My order was substantially larger and involved extra hash-browns. Lindsey thought I was ordering for the boys and considering she's a playboy model I just let her assume away. I'd already planned on eating in my hotel room so I opted to munch on my hash-browns and drink my frappe, which given my Vietnamese coffee addiction served more as a milkshake than as coffee. I really liked Lindsey, she was sweet and funny. Definitely a blonde, but it made her personality.

We found the boys collecting the rest of my bags from baggage claim. So far they had everything, but Jordan's one bag and my suitcase filled with my stage attire. That was probably the second most expensive things to loose, given all the LED and furry garments in there. Nothing was lost of course, and I wouldn't have to fly anymore so I counted this a win. From there we made our way out to the bus, which was obnoxiously large. there were 8 bunks in the sleeping quarters, a "studio" room in the back that had a pullout couch bed and desk for a laptop, the bathroom was off of this area. At the front was the kitchen and lounge area where we could watch the built in TV, or eat or whatever. In other words it was awesome. We used the studio room for baggage storage temporarily so that we could sleep for a while and then prepare for the show later.

I shared a room with Jordan and Myles. It was fairly nice, there were two queen beds, one for Myles and one I shared with Jordan, and a flat screen. I was more concerned with eating and then sleeping to car about observing much else. Myles seemed to share my sentiment, while Jordan just passed out. He'd eat whatever was left when he woke up. Since I would be performing for the first time ever on tour, I probably wasn't going to be eating anything else once my sleep and substance deprived haze cleared. From what I knew we had about six hours to sleep before getting on the bus to drive four hours to Cincinnati which was on the other side of the state.

"Hey, Aly!"

"Hey bitch wake up!" someone was jumping on my bed. I opened my eye to Jordan and Myles bouncing on the mattress and yelling at me. "Oh good, your up." I was also still a bit delirious.

" What?"

"Get up. I mean if you want to shower one last time before he hit the road." I wasn't home, I was in Ohio and I was suddenly wide awake. I showered, dressed, and repacked in record time. I didn't bother to do much with my face since I'd be performing and need to redo all my make up for that anyway I opted for sunglasses instead. I did, however, do my hair.

As the three of us emerged outside, both tour buses were waiting. We quickly scrambled onto ours and put our stuff in the back room.

"Hey, roomies," Lindsey smiled sitting at the table area with a delicious smelling paper bag. "Joel and I got coffee and stuff for you guys. Well Joel's got the coffees I have sugar, cream and scones."

"Yea I don't let her carry things she can spill." Joel said climbing onto the bus. she stuck her tongue out at him.

"I need coffee, you are amazing." I smiled nestled in one of the bolted down arm chairs. This was looking to be my new nap spot for the next few months.

"Nice hangover glasses. I see the time change got to you like it does me when I go to fucking California." he laughed.

"Fuck Ohio." I said accepting my extra large coffee. Jordan got his next and tossed a handful of sweet and low and creamer at my head. "Thanks." I said picking up a few packs of sugar and pouring them into my cup followed by about 6 creamers. I liked a little coffee with my sugar and espresso.

"Welcome." Jordan smirked.

"So how is all of this going to work?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" Joel asked.

"I've played shows before, but is it the same as clubs or is there sound checks?'

Joel chuckled."It'll depend on the locations. This whole concoction is a mix of smaller parties and festival venues. You pretty much have techs setting up everyone's stuff and switching out the particulars, but unless your like doing a huge show like Cochella sound checks are done, but not in the way I think your thinking of. You'll have time to get your shit together if that's what your worried about."

I was actually getting incredibly nervous. I was the only one of these guys who hadn't done any kind of festival or larger scale show and I was getting quite terrified. Myles must have noticed because he patted my head and stroked my hair lightly. Jordan was watching me curiously too. They'd never seen me quite so frazzled in the three years they had known me.

"I'm sure you'll do fine." Lindsey offered. I nodded.

"I think I'm going to nap a little more."

"Sleep will help. Get it while you can. Once those guys on the other bus get a hold of you, you can kiss nap time goodbye."

I smiled and headed towards the bunks opting for one of the top ones. Sleep must have been what I needed, the next thing I knew Jordan was poking me.

"Don't I ever get a nice wake up?" I yawned.

"Sure plenty of times."

"Without sharpie."

"No, but you do have a show to get ready for like now."

"Shit." I rolled out of the bunk and made for the back room. Jordan knew how long it took me to get ready so I knew I didn't need to rush, but the excitement and nervousness made me rush a little more than usual. I pulled out my straightener to fix what my nap messed up and clipped my hair to be teased before digging through my suitcase for an opening outfit. I of course did all of this while listening to my pre-show mix of songs on my iPad; it helped me figure out things better because I wasn't focusing on them some much as the beats of the songs. I put on black lace cropped halter, black and purple mini tutu with small LEDs and black furries. Once my make up was finished and my hair was perfectly teased, on went my a purple and black furry hood with LED ears and my cat mask. For finishing touches I changed out my belly button ring for a reverse dangle rhinestone flower vine, rhinestone cuffs and LED furry gloves.

"So, how do I look?" I asked giving a twirl. Myles, and Jordan nodded in approval.

"No bad." Myles said.

"Nice." Jordan remarked. "Now lets go do this." We hopped off the bus - me without the hood and mask on and went in back stage. I was second after Zomboy, which I found surprising, but at this point I was also all adrenaline and clinging to my focus for dear life.

"If you need to throw up, its okay." Joel said from somewhere behind me. I spun around to see him with Porter Robinson. Myles and Jordan were close by having another controlled freak out.

"I'm good." I breathed.

"Cool, then lets see the complete look." He nodded towards my hood and mask. I obliged and suddenly felt better being hidden behind my mask. I relaxed a little and gave a twirl and curtsies. Joel nodded in approval similar to the way Myles and Jordan had, but Porter was out right staring. I tilted my head to one side and looked at Joel, who in turn smacked Porter on the back of the head to snap him out of it.

"Hi. I'm Aly." I laughed.

"Porter." he smiled shaking my hand. "Sorry, I wasn't expecting uh this when Joel said he wanted me to meet his new cat."

"All good."I laughed.

"Oh I wonder if I can get Zedd too." Joel grinned. Oh god I was a new prank. Eh I guess when your a dude in a mouse head, you had to joke around with the girl in the cat mask. "Zedd!" he yelled running off.

"I wouldn't be surprised if he does it to all of us." Porter laughed.

"Well there only Zedd and 12th planet left I met Josh already. Oh and I guess Dillon Francis when he comes with whoever Joel's standing in for."

"He didn't tell you who's headlining?"

"No..."

"Well I know Joel is plotting something, but I thought it was just a prank on -"

"Shut up Porter!" Joel yelled walking back with Zedd and John a.k.a 12th Planet. Upon seeing me John was curious, Zedd well he spaced like Porter, but didn't require a smack to recover. Porter raised his hands in surrender. "You almost ruined it. It's going to be so fun."

"Joel whose the headliner?"

"You'll see." He smiled. "Anyway Zedd, John- my new cat Aly"

"Hi." I smiled.

"It speaks!" John joked. "Where do I get a talking cat?"

"Sorry I'm one of a kind."

"I'm Zedd." Zedd smiled meekly.

"Aly." I waved.

"Oh I'm John. All the shiny stuff is distracting."

"Yea cause that's what you were checking out." Porter joked.

"Like you can talk Porter." Joel laughed.

"Shut up."

I could hear Zomboy's set coming to an end and a final flash of hysteria reared it head.

"You got this." Porter said.

"Yea I know. I'm just...uh"

"You gotta pop that first tour performance cherry." Joel finished for me. I scowled.

"Yea that."

"Well go get'em tiger." John laughed. I nodded and turned to go on only to pause in utter panic.

"Hey Aly." Jordan yelled. He and Myles were near side stage where they had a view of Zomboy's performance. I turned to see what he wanted knowing it was my turn to go on. "We are all the same inside," he half smiled "don't be ashamed. no" Jordan quoted Sonny Moore songs at me when he knew I was scared out of my mind at my first few shows. Now it was just ritual. Lustbug just happened to have the most fitting lyrics to quote.

I grinned. "So feel the applause, and thank you for listening!" I echoed back.

"Awe that's to cute." Someone teased. Most likely Joel. And with that I went on.

ALT POV

Joel had managed to get John to let him use his phone to call me unnecessarily early about a live feed I had to see. I had to check out of my hotel room in a couple hours anyway in order to make my next flight so for curiosity's sake I was waiting for the link to show on my screen. It'd been longer than the 10 minute window he had given me, but I gave him a little longer. Worst case scenario I could catch another hour of sleep if nothing appears soon. Joel always managed to wait till the last moment before actually sending the link. He knew me too well. I clicked on the new flashing icon on my screen. It was Joel holding the camera at his head.

"I think you'll enjoying Mini me's first performance. And my me I'm sure if I mean me or you." he said before turning the camera. It was her. Joel had taken her along while he was filling in for me. It was her turn to go on and she looked absolutely terrified despite have her eyes hidden by the mask. I felt my stomach fall to the floor. Why didn't Joel say something!

"Hey Aly," One of the guys next to her yelled. Her name was Aly. I finally new her name. She jumped slightly and looked at him. "We are all the same inside, don't be ashamed. No!" he said to her. She smiled then. Even though her face was half hidden whatever fear she had was erased b his words. My words. He was quoting Lustbug to her.

"So feel the applause, and thank you for listening!" she sang back.

"Aw how cute." Joel said from behind the camera, "that was an added bonus."

She went on confident now. Joel moved over by the guy who talked to her to get her performance on video. Her opening was the same as when I had seen her in LA.

"She didn't use her new songs." The guy who spoke to her before going on said.

"She's going to next week for the last show." The one next to him responded.

"What new songs?" Joel asked.

"Its a surprise."

Joel turned the camera away from her set then. "Wish you were here buddy. You could have met her for a whole week." Sometimes I really hated that he messed with me like this, but yet I'd willing lose sleep to see this. "Here one of her friends can stream for you." Joel said swinging the camera onto the two guys. "Say hi Myles."

"Uh Hi." he said and half waved.

"Alrighty, buddy enjoy the show." Joel said into the camera once more before handing it off to one of the guys who proceeded to film her performance. I had a full view of her side from where they were standing and fought to stay awake to see her perform especially if the last song was the same. I'd sacrifice sleep a million times to see this.

NORMAL

I had done it. My first show as part of an amazing line up..and I didn't even throw up. I gave one final bow before running off back stage and hugging Jordan, for the first time I think ever. I went to hug Myles too, but stopped short. He was holding a camera.

"Do I want to know?" I ask skeptically eyeing the contraption.

"Joel told me to film the show for something."

"That's a live feed." I noted seeing the fiber-optic cable attached to it.

"Is it?" Myles asked examining it for himself.

"She's right." Joel smirked leaning against the wall. I eyed him suspiciously.

"For what?"

"Video messaging." he smiled taking the camera from Myles.

"That's all you get for now. I might do this again since your missing it all in Europe. " Joel said into the camera again.

"WAit!" I yelled getting his attention. He pointed the camera at me.

"What?" he asked amused.

"Bye Sonny." I waved into the camera. Joel was caught of guard and switched off the camera.

"How'd you know?" he laughed.

"I didn't."

"Dammit. You're too smart."

"Wait that was Skrillex!?" Myles asked stunned.

"Well duh. Who else would I mess with over a video stream."

My jaw dropped. I had been bluffing thinking it was just over his website, not a private screening for Sonny himself.