Changes

“We’ll try to keep you alive for as long as possible.”

Neither Zayn nor Louis broke down this time. They sat in silence as the next set of horrible news penetrated their ears. It was terminal; Louis would die. Zayn would be all alone and Louis would fall asleep to young and never wake up. It was terrifying to know that the one you love was supposed to die. But it was probably more terrifying for Louis.

They had been asked to come back in three days for an operation where they would take out the tumor before starting with radiation and chemo. Zayn was probably more scared than Louis. The feather haired boy had already accepted the fact that he was about to die.

Their hands were intertwined as they walked out of the hospital. Paparazzi’s were blinding them with their cameras. Zayn felt Louis squeeze his hand harder and he did the same, not wanting to let go of the older boy.

The ride home was as expected; quiet but not even near uncomfortable. Both of them were deep in thoughts, worrying about each other, their families, the band and the fans. They didn’t really need to say anything in that moment. They didn’t need words to fill the silence. The silence filled itself.

The first thing they did when they got home was to go to the bedroom. The need of satisfaction and love was too big to deny. Zayn had met Louis’ eyes for a brief moment; the blue eyes looked pleadingly at him. Waiting for him to do something. Something to make everything better.

“Just love me. Make me forget. Please.” Louis pleaded quietly.

Zayn nodded sadly, pushing the elder down on his back on top of the sheets. Their lips molded together perfectly, working against each other in a steady rhythm. Their breaths were heavy, hard to catch. Tongues met between lips, linking together in the heat. Tasting each other, they let their fingers intertwined; a silent promise that everything would be ok.

Zayn let the fingers on his right hand trail underneath Louis’ stripy shirt. Over the tanned skin and tensing muscles. Fingertips moving gently and comforting. He let their finger separate for a little moment, just to push Louis’ shirt over his head. He pulled his own dark grey shirt over his own, throwing the material on the floor next to the bed.

Their two days stubbles brushed together, creating a rough friction between them. Zayn took Louis’ hand again, curling his fingers around it. They worked their way out of the trousers, wriggling out of the fabric, hands still intertwined. The dark skinned boy moved his lips to Louis’ jaw, kissing his facial hair, just the way Louis liked it before moving down to his neck.

The skin is soft against his lips, so delicate. He barely touched it but it didn’t matter, Louis’ skin was still there to be caressed and touched. He placed a small kiss on Louis’ neck, then another one and then three more. The moan that left Louis’ throat was barely noticeable; it was closer to a sigh. Zayn had always adored Louis for his way of being happy for so little.

Liam didn’t rush when he pulled down Louis’ boxer briefs slowly, neither did he tease. It was simply a way to show how much he cared about Louis. That he didn’t need the sex to be rough and fast to be amazing and satisfying. It could promptly be just slow, caring and loving.

A hand ran through Zayn’s hair, gently and carefully. Zayn loved that about Louis, that he was always so gentle and so careful not to hurt anyone. He did sometimes, but not intentionally. Zayn moved his lips to Louis’ again, letting them meet in a sweet kiss before replacing his tongue with three of his fingers.

Zayn took off his own underwear while Louis’ coated his fingers in saliva, letting go of Louis’ hand momentarily. When his digits were wet enough he moved downwards, placing small kisses on Louis’ skin as he went. Louis’ muscles contracted under his touch and Zayn smiled against the soft skin.

With feathery and light touches, Zayn circled Louis’ hole with his fingers, waiting for the older boy to relax so he could push in. It took a moment or two for Zayn to get Louis to relax completely. Slowly and carefully, Zayn pushed one finger in. Not wanting to cause more pain than Louis already was in, he tried to do it as gentle as possible.

Louis contracted around his fingers, squeezing tightly at the, not so new intrusion. They had done it many times before, but today, Louis felt more fragile. He worked his finger in and out of the writhing boy underneath him. Taking his time to stretch him out. After a couple moments, another finger joined the other.

When Zayn was done with the preparation he moved up to Louis’ head again, first placing a kiss on his forehead, then his closed eyelids. When his lips had left the soft skin that covered Louis’ eyes, they fluttered open. Their eyes locked and tears prickled behind their eyelids. Zayn didn’t want to lose Louis; he didn’t want to lose this. The love and the passion.

Louis helped him put a condom over his erection, making him moan softly at the light touch. Their lips met in one last kiss before Zayn positioned himself at Louis’ entrance. Their eyes locked again as Zayn pushed his length inside, groaning as Louis’ tensed and clenched around him. Zayn couldn’t take in how gorgeous Louis looked beneath him, eyes shut in pleasure and mouth slightly ajar. Zayn moved Louis’ legs so they were wrapped around his waist, making him go deeper.

“I love you.” Louis muttered when Zayn started pumping in and out.

Zayn rolled his hips as he took both Louis’ hands in his, linking their fingers. Louis’ arms were lying flat against the mattress and Zayn took support with his elbows by placing them next to Louis’ limbs. There were no moans, only whimpers and heavy breathing that floated through the air. Sweat appeared on their bodies.

Zayn ducked his head and attached his lips to Louis’ neck, sucking on the tender skin. A purple bruise appeared on the spot he sucked. He bit down on the prominent vein next to the hickey, making Louis a shivering mess underneath him.

“You’re so beautiful.” He breathed as he rolled his hips in a slow tempo.

Louis was simple; he didn’t need a lot to be content. Zayn was the same. He only needed Louis. Because Louis’ laugh brightened his day, filled him with butterflies and his smile made him melt like an ice cream in the sun. Zayn was wrapped around Louis’ finger. He’d do anything for the feather haired boy.

Zayn curled his fingers around Louis’ leaking erection, fisting the hard flesh. Louis’ whimpered in pleasure. Zayn breathed in the other boys’ scent, loving the way Louis’ fragrance and his own scent molded together inside his nostrils. Moving his hand up and down Louis’ length, he ghosted his lips against the skin on Louis’ shoulder.

Louis ejaculated first, shooting his load on their stomachs and Zayn’s hand. Shuddering through his orgasm and contracting around Zayn. The sticky liquid smeared out between their bodies, making both of them all slippery. Zayn came only seconds later. Zayn was pulled down against Louis’ by the other boys’ legs. Their chests met and Zayn placed his head in the crook between Louis’ neck and shoulder, his breath lingering on the damp skin.

“Don’t pull out yet.” Louis said quietly in his ear.

“I love you so much Louis.”

“I love you too. So much.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t keep you alive.”

“It’s not your fault. Don’t blame yourself, ok?”

“But I promised you I would keep you alive.”

“I already knew that promise would break at some point.”

“I still promised.”

“It’s ok. You’ll be ok and I’ll be ok. Everything will be ok.”