The Ideas of When

In the crisp morning air Aidan replayed his dream over again in his mind. The deep smiles were seamless, the joy in their eyes pure. Their lives were, or so it seemed, perfect. As if none of their past choices mattered. Or maybe that was the secret. They didn’t let their past mistakes haunt them, just embraced the best ones as tightly as they possibly could.

The fact that one life could be so tragic and another so wonderful twirled around in his thoughts. Did it really come down to choices? Down to how you dealt with events?

Happiness, when looked at from this angle, seemed so easy. But from the perspective of the girl who just lost her brother to war, happiness was just a memory, a feeling that couldn’t possibly exist.

Taking a deep breath Aidan looked up at the horizon. The first rays of light hit the trees in a most breathtaking way. The green leaves stood out the most against the light blue of the sky.

After a few more moments of taking the scene in Aidan quietly made his way back inside, his used mug dangling dangerously from his fingers.

In the kitchen Liza was fixing herself a mug. The coffee brewing steadily in the background as she double checked her briefcase.

“Morning,” Aidan whispered as not to surprise her.

A smile appeared on Liza’s face as she looked up at her son. “Didn’t sleep well?” she guessed eyeing the bags under his eyes.

“No, I slept fine. I just had a good dream,” he said, his own smiling spreading further across his face. “Did you sleep well?”

“As well as I normally do,” she returned. “Any plans for the day?”

“Not yet,” he said looking beyond her, out the window. “Do you think our choices really matter? Do they really determine ones happiness?”

“I think happiness is what you make it. You can choose, I suppose, but overall, I think it is what you make it,” Liza responded putting the final touches on her coffee. “Are you happy Aidan?”

“I,” he paused bringing his attention back to his mother. Today she had picked out an old sundress, one he remembered from before his dad died. “You look beautiful today.”

Another, wider smile took residence on her face. “Thank you. Try to have a good day, if you can,” she spoke going to kiss his forehead.

Like any other time she tried to touch him he backed away, a frown quickly replacing his soft smile.

Liza refrained from sighing in front of him, instead putting on a sad smile. “I love you Aidan, I really do hope you‘re happy. I‘ll see you tonight.”

Aidan nodded his response watching as she took her leave. He knew how much she craved to just hug him, to have that mother son connection. But he couldn’t, not when her death was sitting there, begging him to take a peak.

With a deep sigh Aidan retreated to the living room to take to his piano. He wouldn’t let his pain dwell, not when he could choose to be happy.

If only it were really that easy, he thought, if only.

As the afternoon sun rose in the sky Aidan made his way to the kitchen. Looking in the fridge he frowned. Not because there wasn’t anything appealing but there in the front sat his mothers pre-made lunch. Turning to the clock he decided he had time to bring it to her, if he didn’t she’d probably end up skipping the meal.

At a pace that wasn’t slow enough to be compared to a snail’s Aidan made his way to her office. The office wasn’t too far or too close to home, making his walk quite enjoyable. A bonus was that cars didn’t often travel down the roads he took so he could easily take in the silence.

Soon enough Aidan reached his destination. As he entered the office he realized his mom wasn’t there.

“Hello Debbie,” he said walking up to the receptionists desk. “Do you know when my mom will be back?”

Debbie Frez looked up at his greeting, an uneasy smile flirting with her features. She had started working for Liza Gardner five years prior and when she had met Aidan she was, for lack of a better term, thrown for a loop.

The day they had met wasn’t a good one for Aidan by any means. He was still struggling with his visions, and that day a particularly bad one had struck. When Liza had introduced them Aidan had taken one look at Debbie before sinking to his knees.

He would look back and forth between the two women apologizing repeatedly, begging the air around him for a break, for it to just give “this woman” a pass.

What had shocked Debbie to the bone was the fact Liza didn’t do anything. She had just stood there with a familiar frown etched on her face, tears overflowing her eyes, watching her son go through this deep unknown agony. And when Debbie herself went to help the poor boy Liza had just grabbed her arm and shook her head.

Later she learned that touching him would have just made it worse. And she never did find out why he had reacted that way in the first place. Ever since then she couldn’t help but feel uneasy around him.

“She’ll probably be back in an hour or so,” she told him. “Anything I can do for you?”

A small frown appeared on his face. “She left her lunch at home, I brought it for her,” he explained, holding up the paper bag.

“Oh, well why don’t you just stick it in the fridge and I’ll tell her when she gets in,” Debbie said. “Is that okay?”

Nodding Aidan quietly made his way to the small conference room where the fridge was. After placing the meal inside Aidan left the room and went back to the lobby. “It was nice seeing you Debbie,” he relayed, giving her a nod goodbye before leaving.

As the office door closed behind him Debbie let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. There was definitely more to that boy than met the eye, she thought. She could just never pinpoint what exactly that was.