Lost and Found

Zayn stood outside and watched as the smoke from his cigarette wafted up into the chilly New York air. He scanned the crowds of people walking along the streets thankful no one had recognized him. He just wanted to be alone with his thoughts for the time being. As he continued looking at all the people he saw a familiar figure and felt his heart catch. If he was being honest with himself he would admit she was the reason why he had decided to come out and stand on a New York City sidewalk instead of going back to the hotel to take a nap like the rest of his guys. He never thought he’d actually see her though. With millions of people in New York seeing her was just a pipe dream; or so he thought. She was really there though, and just standing a few feet from him. It took him a few seconds to comprehend that he wasn’t imagining her but he soon noticed she was getting ready to cross the street and he knew he had to call out to her before he lost his chance.

“McKenna!”

The girl stopped and looked around in confusion before her eyes finally settled on him. A look of surprise flashed across her features but was soon replaced with happiness as she made her way towards him.

“Zayn Malik. What are you doing in New York?” she asked but quickly shook her head. “Stupid question. You’re on tour.”

Zayn smiled. “Yeah, we’re playing Madison Square Garden tonight. It’s good to see you, Mickey. I knew you were here but figured I wouldn’t run into you since there are so many people in New York. I….I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too Zayn. You know, you’re still the only I’ll allow to call me Mickey. I hate it when anyone else calls me that nickname except for you. Gosh, it really is good to see you. I mean I’ve seen you all over on the internet and magazine covers and VH1 but I prefer seeing you in person and I haven’t seen you in person in forever.”

“It’s been eleven months.”

“Eleven months... That’s a long time when you’re used to seeing the person almost every day,” McKenna said and both of them thought of the circumstances that led to them not seeing each other for eleven months.

Zayn saw McKenna check the time on her cell phone but he wasn’t ready to let her go yet so he quickly asked, “Do you want to go get a coffee or something so we can catch up?”

She hesitated for a second as she checked the time once again but she soon smiled and said, “I’d love that. My favorite coffee place is just a few blocks down.”

Zayn followed her as she began to walk and he couldn’t help but to keep glancing at her. She was the same McKenna he’d known and loved yet she was completely different at the same time.

The pair made it to the coffee shop and Zayn told her to find a table while he got the drinks. She protested that he was buying hers but he insisted. He got the drinks and brought them over to the table and handed her drink to her. She took a sip and smiled.

“What?” Zayn asked as he saw the smile on her face.

“Oh, it’s nothing really. It’s just that you still remember my favorite drink. Some things never change.”

“Your drink order may not have changed but you definitely have.”

“You think?” McKenna asked as she made a face.

“Yes. First of all you sound American instead of English and then your hair is short.”

“I don’t sound American.”

“Yeah you do.”

“Fine, maybe a little. As for my hair, don’t remind me that it’s short. I hate it.”

“I like it,” Zayn said. “I mean I always loved your long hair but I like your short hair too.”

“You should have seen it when I first cut it. It was so short. I’m talking Emma Watson short. The only thing is that Emma Watson looks gorgeous and elegant with her short hair. I looked like a pre-pubescent boy.”

Zayn laughed. “I’m sure you didn’t look like a pre-pubescent boy. You always look gorgeous, Mickey.”

“Thank you for the compliment, Mr. Malik, but I do not always look gorgeous. In fact I rarely do,” McKenna argued.

Zayn shook his head but didn’t say anything because he knew it was pointless to argue with McKenna. “So why did you cut your hair so short?”

McKenna paused and wondered if she should tell Zayn the whole sordid story but she figured she’d might as well because he’d already seen her at her worst. “When we broke up I went completely mental. I’m talking lock-me-up-in-an-institution mental. Anyway, I wanted to get rid of anything that reminded me of you. You were always talking about how you loved my long hair and running your hands through it so one day I grabbed the scissors and started cutting. My mom came into the bathroom and found me sitting on the floor bawling with my hair all around me on the floor.”

“Wow,” Zayn said not knowing anything else to say.

“It turned out okay,” McKenna shrugged. “Actually cutting my hair wasn’t the craziest thing I did because of the break-up…I mean I did move to America.”

“You moved here because of our break-up?”

“Yeah. You know I’d always thought about coming to New York but this helped me get the guts to actually do it. In all honesty I did it because I was so tired of seeing you. When you break up with someone the last thing you want to do is see them. Most people just have to avoid a few places in town or something like that but I couldn’t go anywhere without seeing you. You’re all over the place in England so I moved America to escape you but look what happened: One Direction is now big in America too,” McKenna chuckled.

“I’m sorry, Mickey,” Zayn said and they both knew he wasn’t just apologizing for One Direction making it big in the two countries where she lived.

“It’s okay.”

The awkward silence of seeing your ex for the first time after a break-up finally enveloped the two. They had hoped to avoid it but knew that was unlikely. They both sat there for a few minutes just lost in their thoughts and staring at each other.

“So, how are the rest of the guys?” McKenna piped up and Zayn was relieved. She’d always had a way of making those around her feel at ease. “Is Louis still the jokester, Liam still the mature one, Niall still a sweetheart, and Harry still attracted to older women?”

Zayn chuckled. “Yes, yes, yes, and Harry is attracted to all women.”

“You’re right about that,” McKenna laughed.

“They all miss you. You should come to the concert tonight.”

McKenna sighed. “I wish I could but I have a test in one of my classes tonight. I’m sorry.”

Zayn nodded and then bit the bullet on what he knew he needed to say. “Mickey, I’m sorry…for everything. The break-up was my fault and I regret it all the time.”

“Zayn, I played a role in the break-up also. We were both so young and thrown into an unusual situation. You were becoming a star and I didn’t know how to handle that. I was being harassed just because I was your girlfriend and my self-confidence took a hit with everything people were saying. I shouldn’t have let it affect me but I did.”

“Yeah, but I was too selfish and wrapped up in myself to notice you weren’t happy.”

“Don’t beat yourself up. We were both young and stupid.”

“How can you say we were young? It hasn’t even been a year yet,” Zayn argued.

“I know but I’ve grown up a lot this past year and I’m sure you have too. I’m in my first year of college and you’re traveling the world.”

“What do you think our lives would be like if I hadn’t gone on the X Factor?”

“We’d probably be attending a university together over in England and planning on getting engaged or something.”

“Do you ever wish things had happened that way?”

McKenna shook her head. “I don’t like to live with ‘what ifs’ and you shouldn’t either. Look at yourself, Zayn. You’re living your dream. Don’t wish that away because of me.”

“Are you ever going to come back to England?”

“I’m not sure. I know that’s a terrible answer but I honestly don’t know. Right now I’m happy and I love America but England’s my home. I still have three years to decide though.”

Zayn took a deep breath before asking the only question he really wanted to know the answer to but was too scared to ask. “Do you think we’ll ever get back together?”

McKenna sighed. “I don’t know. We’re both at completely different points of our lives right now. We’re both living our dreams but it wouldn’t be feasible for us to date. Plus I’m seeing someone else at the moment.”

“Oh,” was all Zayn could say. He felt as if he’d been punched in the gut and all the air had been knocked out of him.

“Like I said, I still have three years before I have to decide what I’m doing with my life and a lot can happen in three years.” McKenna paused as she looked down at her phone. “Zayn, I’m really sorry but I have to go.”

“Yeah, ok. Thanks for getting coffee with me.” Zayn said as he stood up.

“Of course.” McKenna stood up and walked over to hug him. “I’m happy right now Zayn and you deserve to be happy too.”

“I was happiest when I was with you,” Zayn softly said but McKenna heard him.

“Zayn, this is the life you need and deserve. Singing is your dream and you have it. I only would have held you back.”

“I love you Mickey. I still do and I promise that I’ll be better to you. I’ll be what you deserve,” Zayn said. He knew the words were coming too late and he should have said them a year ago but he needed to make one last effort.

McKenna gave a sad smile but ignored his words. “Give the boys my love and tell them I miss them, yeah. It was great seeing you, Zayn, it really was. I’ll give you a ring when I’m back in England for the summer and we’ll have to hang out again. Remember, you deserve to be happy.”

Zayn nodded and gave her one last hug before she walked out of the café. He watched as some guy walked up to her outside and she wrapped her arms around him. He noticed that she looked at the mystery guy the way she used to look at Zayn.

Zayn turned away as the reality of the situation finally hit him. McKenna had found where she was supposed to be and Zayn had lost her.