Secrets

I’m lying in my bed, staring at the ceiling and moping. I had a ball at one point that I bounced off the wall as I pondered the meaning of life, but we went over a bump, and I lost it. And there was no way I was going to climb off the bed just to get a bouncy ball.

I had figured that getting a call from Molly’s brother assuring me that she’s okay would have appeased me, but it didn’t. I still want to find out where she is. I want to be with her.

I smacked my head against the pillow. It didn’t seem possible to grow so attached to someone in a short time. But then again, I never thought I’d meet someone like Molly.

“MATE,” Liam’s voice comes through the other side of the door. “Harry, seriously, you have to get out here.”

“What? Did Louis burn lunch again?” I grumble, turning over in the bed to try to drown out his voice a little bit.

“No. Harry. Come on.”

I don’t answer this time, but Liam’s not willing to let me miss whatever it is he’s freaking out about. He bursts into the room and grabs my arm, basically dragging me off the top bunk and into the kitchen.

All the boys are gathered around one side of the kitchen table, layered over each other to see what’s on the screen. But when I show my face, they kind of part like the Red Sea. Louis gets out of the bench to let me slide in first.

And I see her. On the screen. For some reason, even though I know she’s an entire internet away, it almost feels like she’s right there. It takes all of my willpower to keep from touching her face on the screen to see if it felt like her.

It only takes a couple bars of the song to hear that she’s singing Back to December by Taylor Swift. Most of me is asserting that she’s just singing the song because it’s a nice tune, but there’s a whole part of me that’s trying to read into it, trying to find meaning behind her choice. Does she regret leaving?

Of course she doesn’t. Because then she’d be back. But she’s not.

“I didn’t even know she sang,” Zayn mumbles from behind me.

The other boys hum in agreement. But my eyes are still fixed on her. It’s incredible, how technology can make pictures so clear and real that it’s almost like looking in a window to see the person on the other side.

Once she finishes singing, I faintly hear her voice saying goodbye, so I plow my way through Louis to get out of the bench.

Part of me wants to climb back into bed so no one can bother me with my wallowing. But instead, I disappear into the back room, where the Xbox is waiting as a distraction.

I start playing a racing game by myself, but it’s not long before Niall shows up. He plops his butt down next to me, wrapping his arms around his knees. “Hey, Harry.”

I nod shortly in response.

“I know it’s hard for you to see Molly, but you left too early, mate.”

That catches my attention. She might have said where she is, and I could take the next plane to wherever it is and find her.

“She dedicated that song to you. I think she really misses you, and she regrets leaving.”

“Then she should come back,” I mutter bitterly.

“She should. But she’s not.” Niall sighs. “I’m actually surprised that you don’t know where she is. It’s not that difficult to figure out.”

I look at him and blink a couple times. “Wait, you know where she is?! And you didn’t fucking tell me? Where is she?” Suddenly, I’m filled with drive. I jump to my feet, ready to find her.

But Niall shakes his head. “She doesn’t want to be found. Just let her be. And start moving on. I know you miss her, but she doesn’t want to be with you anymore. Whatever her reasoning is, it’s good enough. Now stop sulking.”

With that, he gets to his feet and leaves the room.

Although I’m kind of angry, and I wish he wasn’t right, but he is. He has a very valid point. I can’t let a girl get me so down.

I’m Harry fucking Styles. I can get any girl I want.

I repeat the words to myself, but they don’t settle in as real. And they don’t really make me feel better, either.