Secrets

I watch Molly walk away, trying my hardest to keep my composure and not daring to blink. I know the second my eyelids come down, the tears will start, and there is no way I’m going to start crying in front of Simon. I haven’t done that since he told us that he was going to sign us as a band, and there’s no way I want to start now.

Once she finally disappears from my sight completely, I whip around to face Simon, suddenly filled with fury. “Why didn’t you tell me before that it was Molly you signed? I had to figure it out myself from the conversation, and you just played it off like it was nothing. How could you?”

Simon clears his throat and gives me a scolding look. “Harry, I had no idea she was anybody. Do you know how many Mollys there are in the world? And I didn’t even know your Molly’s last name.”

“I brought her on stage with me on tour!” I argue. “You should have recognized her.”

Simon rolls his eyes dramatically. “Despite popular belief, I actually have a job. A few, really. And I don’t have the time to sit in my house and watch YouTube videos of you boys all day and night. I have other matters and other people to tend to.”

Okay, so he’s right. And I know he’s right. But somehow, that doesn’t get rid of the heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I still feel wronged for some reason. I shouldn’t, considering I haven’t really been betrayed or anything.

I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me.

“You alright, mate?” Louis asks quietly, putting a hand on my shoulder.

“I don’t know,” I answer honestly in a voice low enough so only he can hear. I think all I really need is to go back to my flat, eat something, and take a nap. And try to stop thinking about Molly.

Thinking about her reminds me of what she said to me earlier, about how upset she looked while she told me that everything was her fault, basically communicated to me that there was no chance for the two of us to get back together.

“C’mon, let’s go,” Louis demands, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and ushering me toward the door. “Thanks, Simon. We’ll be at Harry’s flat if you need us.”

I’m assuming Simon nodded, but I can’t see him, since I’m out in the hallway now. Zayn shuts the door a little too hard behind us, and he cringes. “Whoops. Hope he doesn’t think I’m pissed at him now,” he mumbles.

“I’m sure he’s not worried about you,” I tell him honestly. “He’s probably too busy of thinking a way to write me out of the band.”

“Oh, please,” Liam scoffs as he, Niall, and Zayn hurry to catch up. “There’s no way he can write you out of the band. The fans would throw a riot.”

“Plus,” Niall speaks up, his tone full of reason, “what Harry did wasn’t that bad. It’s not like he kicked a puppy or pitched a fit and threw a chair out the window of the studio.”

“Good point, Niall!” Louis encourages, slapping his blonde friend on the back. “See, Harry? You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

“Maybe not about getting fired,” I allow, since I know Simon really won’t get me fired unless I do something really radical. “But what about Molly?”

The group seems to let out a synchronized sigh. I know they must be sick and tired of listening to hear me gripe on and on about Molly, but I really can’t help it. I’ve tried to censor what actually comes out of my mouth from the thoughts in my brain, but for some reason, it doesn’t work out so well when it comes to her.

“Harry,” Zayn starts in a slow voice, as if he’s trying to figure out the proper words to say as he’s saying them, “really, you shouldn’t keep hanging on to her.”

“Yeah, like Louis’ been saying for a while now,” Liam agrees, “you gotta take a deep breath and let her go. She doesn’t want to be won back or wooed. She wants to be left alone.”

I bite my lip as we step out into the familiar city streets, mulling over the option. I want to take their advice, to let her go, to move on. Maybe I should go to the pub tonight, get completely drunk, and take a girl home. I should make myself forget all about Molly, that she even exists. At least for a little while.

Just thinking about doing such a thing makes me feel almost nauseated. I can’t do that to Molly, no matter how much I’m trying to forget her or how angry I am at her.

But I’m not really angry, I’m just sad.

“Aw, look,” Louis sighs. “For about ten seconds, I thought he was getting empowered, that he was going to take the world by storm.”

“But now he’s just depressed again,” Niall seconds with a sad shake of his head.

“I tried,” I stick up for myself as we climb into the car, but I get shut down by the other boys.

“I guess it’s a movie night at Harry’s, then,” Zayn announces.

“Isn’t that a girl thing?” Niall wonders aloud.

“Maybe,” Liam allows. “But it works for them, doesn’t it? We might as well give it a go.”

And with that, the driver starts toward my flat. I put my head against the window as the other boys talk in soft voices around me about nothing of real importance.