Status: Co-write
Secrets
Harry
“Hey, Harry,” Louis starts as he sits next to me on the couch, the cushion sinking under his weight, “have you ever seen this app for the iPhone that gives all these English slang words?”
“Um, no,” I laugh. “And I’m not sure why you have. I’m pretty sure we know the words. Because we’re English.”
“Oh, thanks for reminding me,” Louis expresses sarcastically, rolling his eyes for extra effect. “But I actually don’t know some of these words. It’s weird. And did you have any idea that there are so many different words for vagina?”
I burst out laughing uncomfortably. “Oh, God,” I mutter, but Louis ignores me, opening the app and waiting for it to load.
“Let’s test how English you are and test your knowledge. Okay?”
“No,” I deny, but he pushes forward anyway.
“What’s wanking?”
“Masturbating,” I respond without hesitation. “That’s an easy one.”
“I gotta lead you into it,” Louis whines, pressing the next button. “What does ‘off one’s tits’ mean?”
“High on drugs,” I reply. “Do we really have to do this?”
“What does it mean to bonk?”
“To have sex,” I sigh. “Can we stop now? You’re only doing the dirty or inappropriate ones.”
“But that’s half the fun!” Louis whines. “Fine, just one more. What’s…a…clunge?”
“A vagina.”
“Whoa…” Zayn starts from the front doorway of the flat, while Liam and Niall snickered behind him. “Did we interrupt something?”
“Now, now, Zayn,” Liam insists, pushing his way to the front of the group, “I’m sure there’s a perfectly valid reason why Harry and Louis were discussing women’s…um…private parts.”
I burst out laughing at Liam’s awkwardness, but Louis clears his throat and gestures to his phone. “English slang app,” he explains. “It’s…interesting.”
“Sounds it,” Niall snickers as he comes over to the couch and plops himself down in the small space between the arm of the sofa and me. “It only teaches you the important ones, yeah?”
“Nah, there are some that aren’t dirty,” Louis assures him, sneaking a peek at Liam, “but those aren’t as interesting to me.”
“Of course,” Liam mumbles under his breath, always trying to be the responsible, respectful one.
“Actually, I’m curious about these words,” Zayn says as he sits on the floor next to Louis. “Can I take a look?”
“Sure,” Louis allows. “You can try testing Liam, if you want.”
“No,” Liam shoots down. “Definitely not.”
“Afraid you’re not British enough?” Louis teases with narrowed eyes.
“What?” Liam chuckles, shaking his head.
“Wait, guys, my butt’s vibrating,” Zayn speaks up suddenly, leaning forward and reaching into his back pocket.
“Um, too much information…” I trail off, giving him a forced disgusted look.
Zayn gives me a patronizing fake laugh as he opens a text. “Oh, it’s from Tori,” he announces, his fingers flying like little blurs across the keyboard. “She says to go meet them at Molly’s flat.”
My stomach flutters for a second as I get to my feet and fix my hair, making sure that no cowlicks have taken on a mind of their own. “Well, let’s not keep the birds waiting. Come on, lads.”
“Um, no,” I laugh. “And I’m not sure why you have. I’m pretty sure we know the words. Because we’re English.”
“Oh, thanks for reminding me,” Louis expresses sarcastically, rolling his eyes for extra effect. “But I actually don’t know some of these words. It’s weird. And did you have any idea that there are so many different words for vagina?”
I burst out laughing uncomfortably. “Oh, God,” I mutter, but Louis ignores me, opening the app and waiting for it to load.
“Let’s test how English you are and test your knowledge. Okay?”
“No,” I deny, but he pushes forward anyway.
“What’s wanking?”
“Masturbating,” I respond without hesitation. “That’s an easy one.”
“I gotta lead you into it,” Louis whines, pressing the next button. “What does ‘off one’s tits’ mean?”
“High on drugs,” I reply. “Do we really have to do this?”
“What does it mean to bonk?”
“To have sex,” I sigh. “Can we stop now? You’re only doing the dirty or inappropriate ones.”
“But that’s half the fun!” Louis whines. “Fine, just one more. What’s…a…clunge?”
“A vagina.”
“Whoa…” Zayn starts from the front doorway of the flat, while Liam and Niall snickered behind him. “Did we interrupt something?”
“Now, now, Zayn,” Liam insists, pushing his way to the front of the group, “I’m sure there’s a perfectly valid reason why Harry and Louis were discussing women’s…um…private parts.”
I burst out laughing at Liam’s awkwardness, but Louis clears his throat and gestures to his phone. “English slang app,” he explains. “It’s…interesting.”
“Sounds it,” Niall snickers as he comes over to the couch and plops himself down in the small space between the arm of the sofa and me. “It only teaches you the important ones, yeah?”
“Nah, there are some that aren’t dirty,” Louis assures him, sneaking a peek at Liam, “but those aren’t as interesting to me.”
“Of course,” Liam mumbles under his breath, always trying to be the responsible, respectful one.
“Actually, I’m curious about these words,” Zayn says as he sits on the floor next to Louis. “Can I take a look?”
“Sure,” Louis allows. “You can try testing Liam, if you want.”
“No,” Liam shoots down. “Definitely not.”
“Afraid you’re not British enough?” Louis teases with narrowed eyes.
“What?” Liam chuckles, shaking his head.
“Wait, guys, my butt’s vibrating,” Zayn speaks up suddenly, leaning forward and reaching into his back pocket.
“Um, too much information…” I trail off, giving him a forced disgusted look.
Zayn gives me a patronizing fake laugh as he opens a text. “Oh, it’s from Tori,” he announces, his fingers flying like little blurs across the keyboard. “She says to go meet them at Molly’s flat.”
My stomach flutters for a second as I get to my feet and fix my hair, making sure that no cowlicks have taken on a mind of their own. “Well, let’s not keep the birds waiting. Come on, lads.”
♠ ♠ ♠
:D