The Rockstar

I was 15 when I met Tasha, my girlfriend. For the first couple of months, I was pretty convinced that she was ‘the one’. Everyone else was, too. My mum especially – she loved Tasha and was convinced that we’d get married and have the expected 2 children… In the back of my mind, though, there had always been a niggle of uncertainty. It had started when we’d reached 6 months and had only got worse, like a maggot crawling through an apple, as time passed. That little niggle of doubt, that I had always been able to ignore in the past, was pretty much all I could think about recently. We’d been together for 2 years. And the fact that I was thinking that something was wrong made me feel unbelievably guilty.

I’d met Tasha at a pub after a gig. It wasn’t much of a gig, as our band had only recently formed, but it was so important to me – it had been the first time the 4 of us had performed outside my garage. Rebel Alliance, our band (yes we named ourselves after Star Wars), consisted of myself as the vocals, my best friend Ryan on guitar, his cousin James on the bass, and my neighbour Thom on the drums. James was the baby of the group at only 16, Ryan and I were 17 and Thom was almost 20. I’d never met James before our band formed, and I’d spent very little time with Thom, but once the 4 of us were in a room together, we immediately clicked. The dynamics of our group was amazing and I was incredibly grateful to have them. I knew that not everyone was so lucky. Since our gig on the pub, we’d done many others and were slowly gathering a fan base, which was awesome. When we hit 1,000 subscribers on youtube, we were jumping up and down like crazy people. When we reached 5,000, we went out and celebrated by drinking way too much. It was awesome.

“Dude, they’re gonna kill you one day,” Ryan said and I rolled my eyes as I continued to bring the cigarette up to my lips.
“Eh,” I shrugged, blowing out the smoke. Ryan sighed. He’d tried to get me to stop smoking for almost a year, but I just ignored him. I told him that I could quit whenever I wanted. I wasn’t sure that was true anymore, but I still said it. “I’ll stop soon,” I said, even though we both knew that was a lie. Tasha hated me smoking, but I didn’t really care. I liked it.

I left school as soon as I could; Ryan and James did as well. Our parents weren’t thrilled that we left school at 16, but it wasn’t like it was against the law, so they couldn’t really say anything. I’d never had any plans to go to university, so it’s not like I was sacrificing that either. My career was my music. When we’d earned enough money, Ryan and I bought a dingy little flat. It wasn’t great, because we weren’t earning that much money, but it was still ours, and that was amazing. Tasha came over most nights, despite still going to school. It drove me insane when she woke me up in the mornings when she left to go to school – she felt that if she was awake, I ought to be too, but what she didn’t realise was that as soon as she left I went back to sleep for a few more hours. Besides, I often stayed up later than her writing music or practicing. So, I needed a few hours in the morning to just have the same amount of sleep as she had.

Rebel Alliance had been signed to Deviant Sound Records, which was a small independent record company. We had been given our first manager, Bryan, and then things had started to get real. We weren’t only playing for ourselves anymore. We had a contract and a responsibility to everyone at the company, along with all our fans, to do a good job. We all handled the pressure pretty well, I think. But it hadn’t even started yet. We all wanted to go the distance in this industry, so we knew the pressure would only get bigger. But we were all good friends, with supportive families and friends, so we knew would be able to do this.

Our first gig organised through Deviant Sound Records was at the local high school, the same school that Tasha goes to. We’d never really thought of doing shows at schools, but Bryan had said it was one of the best ways to really get known. So we all agreed.

--

We arrived at the school in the afternoon and met the head teacher, Mrs Heatherson, who showed us to the hall where we would be playing. Bryan had sent a crew ahead to set up lights and amps and speakers, so it was all pretty much ready for us. The students were all still in lessons while we did our sound check, even though I was pretty sure the whole school would be able to hear us. The place wasn’t that big that the sound wouldn’t travel.

The sound check went well and then Mrs Heatherson’s assistant showed us to an empty classroom where we could chill before the show. School ended at 4 o’clock, and the show wasn’t until 6, so we had just over 2 hours to kill. I didn’t care; Tasha was here, so we just sat in the classroom with the guys. We mucked around for about an hour or so, but then we started to get restless. I didn’t exactly get nervous about going on stage, but I just wanted to go on now. It was the wait that was driving me insane. I opened the classroom door, planning on going to get some air, but was blocked from leaving the room by a crowd of people, mostly girls, who started screaming my name. It was the first time that had properly happened, and I was pretty blown away by it. Bryan came over to the door and pushed it shut again. “You’ll get used to it,” he muttered before retreating back to the desk he’d been sitting at. I blinked a couple of times, wondering if I would ever get used to it.

When Ryan, James, Thom and I ran out onto the make-shift stage, we were greeted by screams and cheers. We were used to that now, which was amazing in itself, and I immediately went to my microphone and started revving up the crowd. I thanked them for having us and for being such great fans, etc. And then Thom started a beat on the drums, which Ryan and James quickly picked up and we dived straight into our first song. As the words poured out of my mouth, I realised that over half of the room were singing the words along with me. Looking out over that crowd of over 500 people and hearing them sing my lyrics was amazing. I wanted to stop and soak the feeling in, but I didn’t. I continued.

We played for almost 3 hours and the room was still clambering for me. To be honest, we didn’t even have that many songs yet and we’d had to do a few covers to bulk it out. But they still loved it. When we did Someone Like You by Adele, I could hear the girls melting and I couldn’t help but grin. I glanced around the room to look for Tasha but I couldn’t find her. I pushed her absence to the back of my mind and continued to sing for our fans.

When the show finished, the four of us were thrilled with how it had gone. There had been no noticeable mistakes, and the occasional slip up had been easily covered. We just worked so well together that we were there to cover up when one of us needed it.

Bryan congratulated us on a good show, but I knew tomorrow he’d have several things to say about our performance and how to improve. I was grateful that for right now, he let us enjoy the moment. Once we’d been in our temporary dressing room for 15 minutes, and had all changed out of our sweat-soaked clothes, Bryan left to talk to Mrs Heatherson and thank her for having us. In the brief moments when he opened the door, I saw that there was still a huge rabble of people outside the door and I knew we’d be waiting a long time before it was clear to leave.

After about half an hour, Ryan, James and Thom all went to the bathroom. I’d been given the job of watching our bags and instruments in case someone came into the room. Only minutes after they’d left, there was a shy knock on the door. I frowned softly and went to open the door. The crowd had cleared and in its place stood a small boy with chocolate brown hair, dark eyes and a small smile. “Um, hi,” he said quietly. “Um, could you sign this?” He held out a notebook and a pen nervously and I grinned before taking it from him and motioning for him to enter the room. I closed the door behind him and then leant on a desk to sign the book. It wasn’t the first autograph I’d been asked for, but even know I found it kind of insane that people wanted me to sign something.
“Here,” I smiled, holding it out for him once I’d finished.
“Thanks,” he smiled. He looked up and met my eyes and in that moment I felt like all the breath was sucked from my lungs. Time stood still as I gazed into his eyes. And then he blinked and lowered he gaze as a red blush tinted his cheeks. I cleared my throat and looked away from the boy that had captured my attention so completely. “So, um, you’re Tasha’s boyfriend, aren’t you?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said vaguely, still studying the boy’s face. I’d never seen someone so beautiful. I’d never really been attracted to guys before, but there was just something about him. Something that called to me.
“Why?” he asked and I snapped out of my thoughts of his beauty and focused on his question.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I asked him. My thoughts of how beautiful he was were instantly gone and all I could think was what right did he think he had that he could ask me such personal questions about my girlfriend.
“Look,” he said, opening the door and motioning down the corridor. I frowned and peered out of the door and saw Tasha talking to some guy, standing way too close to be considered innocent. I stalked back into the room; I didn’t want to see that. “You don’t deserve that,” the boy said and I turned to glare at him.
“What the fuck do you know about it?” I asked him angrily. “Nothing.”
“I-I just…”
“You just nothing,” I said. “You don’t know me, how dare you come here talking shit about my girlfriend.”
“But-“
“Get the fuck out,” I said, pointing to the door.
“I-“
“Out!” I yelled – it was more like screamed – and he jumped and all but ran from the room.

I leant against a desk, panting and running my hands through my hair, pulling at the white strands. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I muttered. Only a moment later, the door opened and my band mates walked back into the room, all wearing matching frowns. “What?” I asked.
“What the hell was that?” Ryan asked.
“Why was the kid running out of here? He looked scared to death,” Thom said and I sighed.
“He was talking about Tasha,” I told them and they all rolled their eyes before turning away from me. I knew all of their opinions towards Tasha and they knew better than to talk about her. I lowered my head and looked at my beat up shoes as I took several deep breaths.
“I’m gonna go find that boy,” I said before standing up and heading out of the room. I glanced down the corridor, but Tasha and that guy had vanished. I headed towards the doors outside and looked around, but it had gotten pretty dark and I couldn’t see very much. But he couldn’t have gone far. I wondered around for a few moments and then saw a figure sitting on the fence that surrounded the school. I swallowed thickly and went over to him.

I didn’t really know what to say, so I leant against the fence next to him as I thought about what to say. “I’m sorry,” he said, beating me to it. “I shouldn’t have talked about Tasha…” I looked down at the ground and scuffed my shoe on the pavement.
“I’m sorry, too,” I mumbled. “I shouldn’t have got angry at you.”
“No, it’s okay,” he said. “It wasn’t my place.”

It was silent then and I started biting on my lip. I’d said what I’d come out to say, but for some reason, I didn’t want to leave just yet. “I really liked your show,” he said suddenly and I turned and looked at him. Sitting on the fence made him several inches above me, and I gazed up into his warm eyes.
“Thanks,” I smiled.
“You know, um, I was at the first show you guys did at The Greyhound pub,” he said and my eyes widened.
“You were?” I asked him.
“Yeah,” he grinned, clearly happy that I didn’t seem to still be annoyed with him. “I instantly fell in love with your music. I’ve been stalking you on twitter ever since.” I couldn’t help but laugh and shake my head.
“Well, thanks,” I smiled.
“When they said you were going to be playing here, I swear I nearly died with excitement,” he said, jumping off the fence to stand beside me. He was now several inches shorter than me and I gazed down into his gorgeous eyes as he babbled on about how much he liked our band. I should have probably been listening to him, it would have only been polite, but I couldn’t help but study him as he talked. He moved his hands around animatedly as he grew excited, and his eyes twinkled in the light from the street lamp a few metres away, and lips continued to move as he spoke. His lips looked oh so soft and tempting…

Before I even really knew what I was doing, I lowered my head and pressed my lips against his, cutting him off mid-sentence. He was frozen in shock for a moment, but then I felt him kiss me back as his hand came to rest of my arm. My eyes slid closed as I moved my lips against his and I raised my hand to brush through his chocolate coloured hair.

I pulled back after a moment that was nowhere near long enough, and gazed down at him, moving my hand from his hair to cup his cheek. His eyes were still twinkling. “Wow,” he whispered eventually and I couldn’t help but grin.
“I…I don’t even know your name,” I said softly, frowning slightly.
“Sebastian,” he said, his cheeks turning a light pink again. “But most people shorten it.”
“Sebastian,” I smiled, stroking my fingertips over his cheek. “I’m really glad I met you.” He blushed again and ducked his head.
“Me, too,” he whispered. I moved my fingers to his chin and I raised his head to meet his eyes once again.
“Can I see you again?” I asked him and he nodded eagerly. I grinned and pulled out my phone before handing it to him. “Can I have your number?” I asked and he quickly took my phone and entered his name and number before saving it. “I’ll call you.”
“Okay,” he smiled.
“Well, I guess I should go,” I said, even though I really didn’t want to. Sebastian nodded. I looked at him once more before turning and heading back towards the doors to the school.
“Luca?” Sebastian called after me. I turned and Sebastian quickly came over to me and kissed me once more. I grinned as he pulled back and mumbled a quick goodbye before all but running away, his blushing cheeks burning in the dark. I bit my lip hard to try to hide my smile, because I knew the guys would definitely notice and then headed back inside.

--

Later that night, when I was lying in bed, I couldn’t stop fiddling with my phone. It was gone midnight, but I wanted to talk to Sebastian again… I opened my phonebook and scrolled down to find Sebastian’s name, but instead found ‘Sebby’ and couldn’t help but smile to myself. He was so cute. Before I could stop myself, I wrote a quick message and pressed send. Do you want to get coffee with me tomorrow? It’s Luca by the way :) I chewed on my lip as I anxiously awaited his reply. In fairness, I might not even get one because it was pretty late.

Just as I was about to give up, my phone vibrated and I quickly went to my messages. I’d love to! I grinned, I couldn’t help it, and sent back the name of my favourite café – Early Mornings – and asked him to meet at 11 the following morning. Not even a minute later he messaged back agreeing to the place and time before saying goodnight. I quickly replied wishing him sweet dreams before I put my phone on my bedside table and shut off my lamp. I couldn’t wait for tomorrow.

When I woke up, I felt a burst of excitement spread through me. I was meeting Sebastian again today. I bit my lip as I started to grin stupidly to myself and quickly got out of bed to shower. I’d woken up at 9, so I had plenty of time to make myself look as good as I could. I went into the kitchen and was surprised to find Ryan in there. “What are you doing up?” I asked him as I found my shoes that I had chucked in here the night before.
“We’re all meeting at James’?” Ryan looked at me and my heart sunk as I realised that we had an informal band meeting at 11.30.
“Shit,” I muttered. “Um, could we maybe reschedule for this afternoon?” I asked and Ryan frowned.
“What the fuck, Luca?” he asked, rolling his eyes.
“I’m sorry, I just…” I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair that I had just spent half an hour trying to get straight and perfect. “I forgot and I made plans that I can't really cancel…”
“Plans?” Ryan asked, his annoyed expression turning confused. “With who?”
“Just…someone,” I said and Ryan’s frown deepened.
“Tasha?” he asked.
“No,” I mumbled, starting to turn away. “Someone else.”
“What!?” Ryan asked, following me out of the room. “Someone else who?”
“You don’t know him,” I said.
“Him?” Ryan asked, nothing but confused now. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” I said quickly. “I’ll text you when I’m on my way to James’, okay?” Without waiting for an answer, I left the flat and ran down the stairs and jumped into my car. Now that I was away from Ryan, my excitement returned as I sped away from my home and towards Sebastian.

When I got to the café, I felt my heart sink a little bit when I realised Sebastian wasn’t there yet. I glanced at my phone and saw that it was 10.59 and started to nibble on my bottom lip. Oh, man, what if he’d woken up and decided that he didn’t actually want to meet me? I mean, I had been a total ass to him the day before, I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t want anything to with me now.

By 10 past 11, I’d sunk low in my chair and was pushing a grain of sugar around on the table. I’d been stood up, I was sure of it. I couldn’t believe the feeling that was coursing through me at that realisation. I didn’t even know him that well, but it still hurt like hell.

Just as I was considering giving up, the door was thrown open and Sebastian burst in. He immediately spotted me and came over to me. “I’m so sorry,” he panted and I guessed that he’d been running. I sat up straight and smiled even though the feeling of rejection was still in my system. Sebastian fell into the seat opposite me with a sigh. “I’m sorry,” he said again, “I didn’t mean to be late. Such a great impression, right? My stupid sister was meant to be giving me a lift but then she went out without telling me and both of my parents were out so I had to walk. I’m really sorry I made you wait, I’ll pay for your drink to make it up to you.” As I watched and listened to Sebastian, I realised that no matter what, I couldn’t be angry with him. He was just the most adorable person I’d ever met.
“Don’t worry about it,” I smiled. “And besides, I asked you out, so I’m paying.” I watched a light blush cover Sebastian’s cheeks as he smiled.
“Okay, but when we go out again, I’m paying,” he said and I chuckled.
“What makes you think we’ll be going out again?” I asked with a smirk.
“Please, like you could resist me,” he beamed. I just smiled and nodded, pretty sure that he was right – I don’t think I could ever resist him.
“What do you want to drink?” I asked, instead of replying.
“Just a regular coffee, please,” he said and I smiled and went over to the counter. A regular coffee…how could such an interesting boy want such a plain drink? I shook my head slightly and then ordered Sebastian’s coffee and a mocha for myself – chocolate was one of my biggest weaknesses. After paying for the drinks, I took them back to our table and set them down. “Thanks,” Sebastian smiled and I realised that that smile already made my knees weak.
“No problem,” I smiled.

The conversation flowed easily between us. Sebastian told be about things he was doing at school, he was half way through his GCSEs, having almost finished year 10, and was starting to think about what he wanted to do for A-Levels. Not having done them myself, I wasn’t really much help. “I’m thinking of doing maths,” he said and I grimaced.
“That’s horrendous,” I said and he laughed.
“I love maths!” he said happily and I had to laugh as well at just how enthusiastic he seemed.
“You need 4, right? What are the other 3, do you think?” I asked him and he shrugged.
“I’m not sure yet, maybe physics,” he said and again, I grimaced.
“God, you’re a bit of a nerd, aren’t you,” I teased him and he blushed again.
“No,” he mumbled as he sipped from his mug. I smiled tenderly as I watched him and then reached across the table to take hold of his free hand.
“It’s good,” I told him seriously. “I guess I’m kinda into nerdiness.” Sebastian’s cheeks only grew redder, but he smiled as well.

I was almost 4 hours late for the band meeting, but I didn’t care. Spending that time with Sebastian had definitely been the right choice. “Man, what’s with you?” Thom asked as I walked into James’ living room.
“What?” I asked defensively as I sat on a sofa.
“You’re all…I dunno, there’s something different,” Thom said, turning to Ryan and James for confirmation.
“Yeah,” James nodded, looking at me closely.
“He had a secret date this morning,” Ryan said and I turned to him.
“What!?” Thom and James exclaimed.
“That’s why he’s so late,” Ryan said and I swear I wanted to punch him.
“Were you with Tasha?” Thom asked. I knew none of them particularly liked her and when I answered that I wasn’t, all of their faces lit up.
“Oh, fuck, have you finally ended it with her?” James asked and I frowned slightly.
“No…” I said and they all frowned.
“What? So who were you with?” James asked and I sighed.
“No one, can you just let it go, please?” I asked, sending Ryan a glare. He just shrugged in response.
“Fine,” Thom said. “For now.”

--

Soon, several months had zoomed past before I had even realised it. Sebastian was still my little secret and the guys had stopped trying to guess who the person was that was taking up all my time. And then there was Tasha. I hadn’t broken up with her simply because I couldn’t. I’d never broken up with anyone before and I did care about her (a little) and I was nervous about the whole thing. I didn’t know how she’d react. But other than that, everything was going perfectly.

And then Ryan announced he was going to visit family over the weekend and I would have the flat to myself. I instantly called Sebastian. “Hey,” he answered, a smile in his voice.
“Hey, baby,” I smiled. “Guess what?”
“What?” he asked with a slight laugh.
“Ryan’s away for the weekend,” I told him. “Do you want to stay over?” I heard Sebastian’s slight intake of breath and bit my lip, worrying if he would say no. We’d never spent the night together before, only because he lived with his parents and they didn’t know he was gay, and I lived with Ryan… I waited for Sebastian’s answer, making my lip turn raw.
“Okay,” he whispered and I grinned, instantly forgetting about my lip.
“Yeah?” I said happily.
“Yeah,” he said.
“Great,” I smiled. “I can’t wait. I think Ryan’s leaving tomorrow morning, so do you wanna come over when you finish school? Then we’ll have Friday and Saturday night together.”
“Sounds good,” he said but I could sense he was hiding something.
“What’s wrong?” I asked gently, pulling my lower lip between my teeth once again.
“Nothing,” he said, but I wasn’t convinced.
“Come on, Sebby,” I said gently.
“I just…I dunno, I’m kind of nervous,” he whispered and I could imagine his cheeks turning red as they so often did.
“Why?” I asked. “It’s just me…”
“I know,” he said and I could hear his smile back in his voice. “I dunno, I’m probably being silly.”
“Hey,” I said softly, “if you’re nervous, you can tell me.”
“Okay,” he said quietly. “I’ve never…um, you know. I’ve never spent the night with someone else before. I’ve never…” He trailed off and it clicked.
“Oh,” I said quickly. “We’re not going to do anything that you don’t want to do, Seb. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. We can just sleep.”
“You’re amazing, you know,” he said and I smiled.
“I just want you to be happy,” I said, wincing lightly at how corny that sounded.
“I am,” he assured me. I smiled.
“Okay, so I’ll see you tomorrow?” I asked.
“Yeah, definitely,” he said.
“Great,” I smiled. “I’ve got to go now, bye, baby.”
“Bye, Luca,” he whispered and I ended the call.

The rest of the day and the following morning, I was cleaning the apartment. I think Ryan suspected I was having someone over and he knew it wasn’t Tasha. She hardly came over at all anymore, and if she did, it was only for a few hours or so in the evening. She never stayed the night anymore. I just couldn’t do it. I felt bad enough as it was. Strangely enough, I didn’t feel like I was cheating on Tasha with Sebastian, but the other way around. I guess it was because I cared about Sebastian more than Tasha. And I knew the fact that I hadn’t broken up with her hurt him, but I just couldn’t do it.

When the doorbell rang on Friday afternoon, I was bouncing up and down with excitement, but still chewing on my bottom lip in nervousness. I pulled the door open and smiled when I saw my secret boyfriend standing in front of me. I instantly took his hand and pulled him to me and kissed him. We hadn’t seen each other all week and I missed him so much. When I realised I needed to breathe, I pulled back and looked down at him. “Hey,” I smiled and he smiled up at me.
“Hey,” he whispered. I raised my free hand to brush his dark hair away from his eyes, even though I knew he intentionally styled it that way. But I didn’t like anything covering his beautiful eyes. Seb took another step into the flat and then closed the door behind him. He set his bag on the floor and I then led him into the living room, still holding onto his hand. I couldn’t seem to bring myself to let go. We sat on the sofa and I wrapped my arms around his tightly, just wanting to hold him close. He snuggled in close to me, apparently wanting the same thing, and brought his legs up over my lap. “I missed you,” he whispered and I smiled.
“I missed you, too,” I whispered, placing a light kiss to his temple. I flicked the television on and we stayed snuggled on the sofa as we watched some reruns of The Simpsons. I started humming along to the end credits and Seb pulled away and looked at me with a gentle frown. “What?” I asked self-consciously.
“I just realised, you’re a lead singer in a band and you haven’t sung for me before,” he said. “Will you sing for me?”
“Of course,” I smiled, kissing his nose tenderly. “What would you like me to sing?”
“I don’t know,” he said thoughtfully. “I’ll think about it and let you know.” I chuckled but nodded as I lowered my head and kissed his lips. Although I hadn’t technically sung for Sebastian yet, I’d written a fair share of songs for him. He didn’t know, of course, but over the months we’d been together, love songs had just been pouring out of me. The guys all teased me mercilessly when I showed them ones that I thought we could use on an album, but I didn’t care. Sebastian was my inspiration. But I wasn’t quite ready to show him those songs. They were pretty transparent emotion-wise, and he would definitely be able to guess that I’d fallen in love with him.

We spent the evening watching random television shows, but that wasn’t important. What was important was the fact that we had my flat to ourselves. It was amazing, knowing I could relax with, cuddle with and kiss my boyfriend whenever I wanted to and not worry that someone would see us. “I wish we could do this more often,” Seb whispered and I sighed and nodded.
“I know, me too,” I said softly. I saw him frown slightly, but he didn’t say anything and I chose not to ask. “How about we go to bed? I’ve got a TV in my room; we can put a movie on or something?” I suggested and Seb smiled and nodded.
“That sounds good,” he said and I smiled and stood up. I turned the television off and locked the door before shutting off all the lights and leading Seb back to my bedroom.

He looked around curiously, a small smile on his lips, before sitting on the bed. “What do you want to watch?” I asked as I went over to my small supply of dvds.
“Don’t mind,” he said as he scooted further onto the bed to get comfy. A pang of desire hit me as I watched him move about on my bed. And not that sort of desire, but the desire to see him in my bed every single day for the rest of my life. It was where he belonged – next to me, always. I smiled gently at him before turning and getting Shrek from the shelf and putting it on. In all honesty, I wouldn’t imagine we’d really watch it too closely anyway. I pulled my shirt and jeans off and chucked them over my desk chair and then joined Seb, whose cheeks had once again turned a deep red, on the bed.
“You okay?” I whispered, resting a hand on his shoulder. He just nodded and smiled at me as he leant in to kiss me tenderly. He then removed his jeans, but left his shirt and boxers on. I took his hand and we lay down together, facing the television. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him into my chest. “I’m really glad that you’re here,” I whispered as I kissed the back of his neck.
“Me, too,” Seb whispered, linking his fingers with mine. Not much later, I heard Seb’s breathing start to deepen and I knew he’d fallen asleep. I pressed a final kiss to his soft skin before I, too, fell asleep.

I woke up with a start when I felt Seb moving out of my arms. “Sorry,” he whispered, turning back to me. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“It’s okay,” I smiled, hooking my hand around the back of his neck before pulling him in for a kiss. He pulled back smiling and I felt my heart melt slightly.
“I was going to get coffee for you,” he said. “Stay here, okay?” I just nodded as I watched him leave my room. I smiled softly to myself and lay back on my bed. The television had been turned off, and I guessed Seb had done it when he woke up.

Only a few minutes later, Seb came back into the room with two mugs of hot coffee. He passed one to me before he sat himself back down next to me and snuggled back into my side. We sipped our coffee silently for several minutes before I set mine down on the bedside table. Seb did the same but then shuffled down on the bed so his head was resting on my thigh. I smiled softly and ran my fingers through his silky hair. I started humming softly, a random tune that was in my head. “I love your voice,” he whispered and I smiled. I knew he still wanted me to sing him a song, but he seemed happy with the humming right now.
“Thanks,” I whispered.

We spent most of the day lounging around in my room or in the living room. We ordered a take away for dinner and ate in the living room as we watched Friends. While I was cleaning up, Seb headed into my bedroom again. I hurriedly threw the pizza box in the bin so I could join him. He was lying on his front across my bed and I couldn’t help but smile at him. I crossed my room and climbed onto the bed beside him and lay over him, careful not to squash him. My hand found his and I ran my thumb over the back of his hand as I kissed the back of his neck. “I love you,” I whispered before I even really thought about what I was saying. But seeing Sebastian smile reassured me that I wasn’t about to be rejected.
“I love you, too,” he whispered. I rolled off him and he turned over to face me. His eyes were twinkling as he looked at me and I closed to gap between us to kiss him.
“I love you so much, Sebby,” I whispered against his lips. Seb pushed me onto my back and straddled my hips as he continued to kiss me.
“I love you, Luca,” he murmured as he pulled away from the kiss. “So much.” No more words were spoken then. Seb took my hands and placed them beneath his shirt. I knew what he meant. I moved my hands up and down his smooth skin and then pulled his shirt over his head. He was so perfect. He leant down to press his bare chest against mine and he moaned quietly. I ran my hands down his back to his boxers. I didn’t venture beneath them just yet, but moved my hands onto his ass over the thin fabric. Seb thrust his hips against mine, making me groan at the delicious friction. And then his hands were pushing my boxers off and I helped by kicking them from the bed. Before I even built up the nerve to push Seb’s underwear off, he’d done it himself. He laid his body over mine and I shivered with desire. God, he was so gorgeous. I rolled us over so I was lying over him and settled myself between his thighs. Seb was looking up at me nervously and I leant down to kiss him, to reassure him that I would never hurt him.

--

I woke up the following morning with Seb’s naked body still pressed against mine. I smiled gently as I thought, yeah, I could definitely get used to this. I dotted kisses along his shoulders and back and soon he was awake. “Morning,” I whispered.
“Morning,” Seb whispered, though he was blushing slightly.
“Was…last night…okay?” I asked anxiously. We hadn’t really discussed it at all, just gone with it.
“Okay?” he asked with a laugh. “It was incredible. It was the best night of my life.” I smiled at him and leant over him to press a kiss to his lips. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” I whispered, kissing him once again.

Rather than stay in the flat, Seb and I went to Early Mornings to get coffees. We both knew that our weekend had come to an end, but weren’t acknowledging it. Ryan would be home by now, too, so we couldn’t go back to my flat. I reached across the table in the café and took Seb’s hand. “I’ve loved having you stay this weekend,” I told him gently.
“Me, too,” he whispered. I could see in his eyes that he wished it had been longer, just like I did.
“Next time Ryan goes out, you’ll be the first person I call,” I told him and he smiled sadly and nodded. I knew he didn’t like this whole situation – me keeping him a secret from everyone and me still officially being with Tasha – but I just wasn’t ready. “Seb,” I said softly, but I didn’t know what he wanted me to say. I didn’t know what he needed to hear to make everything better.
“I should go,” he said suddenly and I lowered my gaze and nodded.
“I’ll call you later,” I said softly. Seb just nodded before leaving. I sighed heavily and looked down at my half-drunk mocha. I wished I could give Seb everything he wanted, everything he deserved.

When I got back to the flat Ryan was already spread out on the sofa watching TV. “Good weekend?” he asked and I shrugged.
“You?” I asked, flopping down onto the sofa.
“Man, what’s with you?” he asked, turning towards me without answering my question.
“Just…got a lot on my mind,” I said as I ran my fingers through my hair. The roots were starting to come through and I knew I needed to bleach it again soon. But I just couldn’t be bothered. There was too much else going on for me to bother with my hair.
“Wanna talk about it?” Ryan asked. I smiled at my best friend before shaking my head.
“I’m good,” I said, standing up again and heading into my bedroom. I felt kind of bad for just blowing him off when he was being nothing but kind, but I just didn’t want to talk about it. I couldn’t.

--

Later that night, there was a knock on the door. Ryan and I looked at each other, but he shrugged. “It’s not for me,” he said and I frowned before getting up and going to the door. I pulled it open and tensed when I saw Tasha standing there.
“Hey, baby,” she grinned. Her words were slurring slightly and I frowned as I realised that she was drunk.
“Hi,” I said slowly. She pushed past me into the flat just as Ryan appeared in the doorway from the living room.
“Ugh,” he moaned, heading to his bedroom and blasting music. I turned my attention to Tasha after closing the door.
“What are you doing here?” I asked her as she staggered towards me.
“What do you mean, you’re my boyfriend,” she said as she wrapped her arms around my neck and planted a sloppy kiss to my lips.
“Yeah, but you usually call,” I said, pulling away from her quickly.
“I forgot,” she said as she took my hand and led me back to my room. I felt my stomach turn and I felt slightly queasy. What was I going to do? As soon as we were inside my room, it was like something snapped in Tasha and she just attacked me. Her arms went around my neck and he lips met mine as he fingers knotted themselves in my hair. Her body pressed against mine hard. Only a second later, her hands went to my shirt and yanked it over my head. Her shirt quickly followed and she pressed her bra-covered chest against mine. When he hands reached for my jeans, I finally stopped her.
“You’re drunk,” I told her and she laughed.
“So? That wouldn’t have stopped you before,” she said and I frowned. Just then, there was another knock on the front door.
“Thank God,” I muttered, grateful for the excuse to escape from Tasha.

I rushed to the front door and pulled it open. “Seb?” I whispered. Oh, God, this couldn’t be happening. But I forgot all about Tasha half naked in my bedroom when I saw that there were tears in his eyes and I quickly moved forward. “What’s wrong?” I asked him.
“I…I came out and he…my dad kicked me out,” he sniffled and my heart broke. “And I know Ryan’s back, but I didn’t have anywhere else to go and-“ He stopped mid-sentence when he looked over my shoulder. I turned and saw that Tasha had come out of my room, still undressed. My heart sunk. I turned back to Seb, whose expression was ten times more hurt than it had been a moment before. His lips were parted, though nothing came out of them. No tears fell, but I could see how hard he was trying to keep them at bay.
“Seb, just let me explain,” I said quickly, desperately. Seb looked at me, his hurt gaze meeting my desperate one. He shook his head before turning and walking away. I lowered my head and leant against the wall. I turned to look at Tasha, who didn’t really seem to be aware of what happened, and then quickly took off running out of the front door after Seb. I ran down the stairs and out of the door to the building and looked around. I spotted Seb about a hundred metres away and quickly ran after him. “Seb!” I called as I got closer to him. He stopped but didn’t turn around. I finally reached him and moved to stand in front of him. I raised my hand to his chin in an attempt to get him to meet my gaze but he quickly moved away.
"I wish that I never told you that I liked you,” he whispered, “it only made me miserable." I felt my heart break a tiny bit. I hadn't wanted to hurt him, that had never been my intention. "I was perfectly fine having a crush on you just as a fan and imagining what it would be like to be with you. Because I could never imagine that someone like you would ever want to be with someone like me. But then...it seemed like you did want to be with me. And I was amazed. I never thought it would happen, but it did. I finally thought that I would be everything you needed, everything you wanted. I thought I would be your...number one. But I'm not. And I can't do this anymore. You need to make a choice, Luca. I'm not going to pretend that it’s okay to keep me a secret while you spend time with Tasha like she's the most important person in your world. You can't ask me to do that. I love you, but I'm not going to do this anymore."
"But I-"
"You know she cheats on you, Luca. Don't be such a fucking coward. Make a choice," he said as he stared at me. And I realised he wanted a choice then and there.
"I..." I stammered before trailing off.
"Wrong choice," Seb whispered before turning and walking away. I instantly regretted not stopping him, but I couldn't help it. I just needed some time to think.

I headed back to my flat. Instead of seeing Tasha, though, I was faced with Ryan. He looked at me sadly and I frowned in confusion. “What?” I asked as I walked past him into the kitchen.
“Don’t be mad, okay,” Ryan said gently and I turned to face him. “I kind of…followed you a couple weeks ago. And I saw you with your boyfriend.” I glared at him.
“You followed me?” I asked him angrily. “What the fuck!?”
“I was worried, Luca,” he said. “I didn’t know what was going on because you wouldn’t talk to me. And I just…I wanted to check you were alright.”
“Did you tell the guys?” I asked but he shook his head.
“Once I saw you were okay, I left,” he said. “It’s none of my business if you tell the guys.”
“But it’s your business to follow me?” I asked him and he sighed.
“I’m not going to apologise,” he said, “because I don’t regret it. Do you have any idea how relieved I was when I realised what was going on?” I shook my head and ran my hands through my hair. “Luca, I haven’t seen you as happy as you were with him in so long,” he said gently. I sighed and leant against the wall, my head falling back and my gaze locked on the ceiling.
“Can you call the guys and ask them to come over?” I asked him and he frowned in confusion but nodded anyway. I figured getting all of their opinions is better than just relying on Ryan’s, not that I thought low of his opinion. “Where’s Tasha?” I asked, only then realising that I hadn’t seen her yet.
“In your room passed out,” he said and I sighed. I didn’t want her in there, but I would just have to leave it for now.

Half an hour later James and Thom arrived. It was late, almost midnight, but when Ryan had phoned for an emergency band meeting, they had come straight over. And I really appreciated them for it. “So what’s going on?” Thom asked. He was wearing baggy sweats and an old t-shirt and I guessed he’d been in bed. I felt kind of bad, but I needed their advice.
“Luca has something to tell you,” Ryan said. I sent him a brief glare for putting me on the spot before I took a deep breath.
“The reason I’ve been missing meetings and stuff recently…it’s because I, um, I’ve met someone,” I told them. Ryan cleared his throat, prodding me. “A guy. And…I love him.”
“So…you called us over to share this happy news?” Thom asked with a confused frown. I was kind of amazed that they hadn’t reacted differently. I mean, I’d basically just come out and he was just asking why they were there.
“No,” I said softly. “I screwed it up.” Thom scoffed, rolling his eyes.
“Why does that not surprise me?” he asked, though I knew he was only teasing. James hit him before turning to me.
“What happened?” James asked and I told them everything. From meeting Sebastian at the school gig right up until this afternoon. Of course, I left out a fair amount of intimate details, but they got the gist.
“So…why are we here?” Thom asked.
“I need your advice,” I told them. “Help me, what do I do?”

--

A few days after Seb had ran away from me and I’d called my friends for advice, the four of us were seated in mine and Ryan’s living room again. We’d come up with a sort of plan and I just had to keep my fingers crossed that it would work. Ryan had my phone and was calling Seb on speaker, but James, Thom and I were staying silent. “Luca, I don’t-“
“It’s not Luca,” Ryan quickly said.
“Oh,” Seb said and I sighed softly. I missed his voice so much. “Who is it?”
“It’s Ryan.” There was a long pause before Seb spoke again.
“Did Luca ask you to call me?” he asked.
“No,” Ryan lied. I felt kind of bad about lying to Seb, but this was the only way I could win him back. “He doesn’t know I’m calling you.”
“Oh,” Seb said quietly and I couldn’t tell whether he was disappointed or not. “What do you want.”
“I want you to come to a show we’re doing next week,” Ryan said. “Luca said you’re a fan. And a free ticket is our way of making up for the shitty way he treated you.” I glared at my friend who just shrugged.
“I’m not sure,” Seb whispered and I started biting on my lip.
“Come on,” Ryan said. “It’ll be fun.”
“Okay, I guess,” Seb sighed but I knew his heart wasn’t really in it.
“Great,” Ryan said enthusiastically. “I’ll leave your ticket at the door, okay?”
“Yeah,” Seb said quietly. Ryan then gave him the time and place.
“I hope you do come,” Ryan said before saying goodbye.

Thom, Ryan and James all looked at me. But there was nothing else I could do now, I just had to pray that Seb would come. “What about Tasha?” James asked and I sighed.
“I need to break up with her, don’t I?” I said to no one in particular.
“Fuck, yes!” Ryan said. They’d all been trying to subtly tell me that I should break up with her for ages, but I hadn’t wanted to hear it. I just nodded, taking my phone from Ryan and going into my room. Breaking up with someone over the phone seemed kind of low to me, but in all honesty, she wasn’t the best girlfriend in the world, so I didn’t feel too guilty about it.

I sat on my bed as the phone rang. “Hey, babe,” Tasha said as she answered the phone.
“Hey,” I said. “Are you free to talk?”
“Sure, what’s up?” she asked.
“Well, I wanted to talk to you about us,” I told her. I had no idea how to go about doing this. I should have asked the guys for advice.
“Oh, okay,” Tasha said and I could hear the smile in her voice.
“I want to break up,” I said, figuring that just saying it straight out would be easier. There was a silence and I thought that maybe she was crying.
“What!?” she screamed and I pulled the phone away from my ear as she continued to scream angrily at me. I just waited for her to run out of steam.
“Look, Tasha, I know you cheat on me all the time and I’ve had enough,” I told her. “I have someone else now who actually cares about me in ways you never did.” At least, I hoped I still had him. “I should have done this sooner, but better late than never, right?”
“Are you actually serious?” she asked, having calmed down slightly.
“Completely,” I said. “Bye, Tasha.” I didn’t wait for her to reply, I just ended the call. I released a breath that I hadn’t realised I’d been holding and stood up. I felt so different now that I wasn’t tied to her anymore. I was free.

--

Our show the following week was our first proper show where people had bought tickets to see us. We were in a little theatre in London, with a stage only a couple feet from the crowd. It was intimate and I loved it. It wasn’t for that many people, only a couple hundred, and it had sold out after about an hour. It was pretty mind blowing. But the fact that we had so many dedicated fans wasn’t my priority right now. No, it was Sebastian. Really, it had always been Sebastian, I just hadn’t shown him that very well. But that was going to change now. I wasn’t going to let him feel like he wasn’t the most important person in my life anymore.

“You ready?” Ryan asked me as I peered around the curtain at the side of the side to see if I could spot him. I couldn’t.
“Yeah,” I said. I didn’t want anything more. I wanted to try to win Sebastian back, I needed him in my life so badly. I couldn’t imagine actually having to live without him. This last week had been pure torture. I’d tried calling him a couple times but he didn’t pick up. I just had to pray that he’d be here tonight. “I can't see him,” I whispered after a minute. There were hundreds of faces, but I knew I’d be able to pick Sebastian’s out in a crowd no problem. “What if he doesn’t come?”
“He will,” Thom said, appearing behind me. I turned to him doubtfully, but then returned my attention to the crowd.

About 20 minutes later, Bryan appeared and told us we were going on in 2 minutes. My stomach fluttered with nerves. What if he missed it? I started biting my lip again. It really hurt now, as I’d chewed several layers of skin away, but I didn’t care. Ryan put his hand on my shoulder and smiled gently at me. I nodded and we walked onto the stage. We were met by cheers and screams. I smiled as I normally would, but my eyes kept casting around the room looking for those chocolate brown eyes. I went to the mike stand in the centre of the stage, with Ryan on my right, James on my left and Thom behind me at the kit. I continued to scan around the room but I couldn’t find him. I looked over at Ryan, who nodded at me and I took a deep breath. Instead of greeting the crowd or thanking them for coming as we normally did, Ryan started playing the opening chords to a new song. “This song is for someone very special to me,” I said into the microphone, looking at everyone in the crowd but not really seeing them as I searched for Sebastian. “I hurt him and I’m so sorry.” I took another deep breath and closed my eyes as I listened to the music around me. “Paint yourself a picture, something perfectly obscure, to hide away the messes behind your manicure, and all of my obsessing to find the perfect words, sick of second guessing, I didn't mean to make you hurt, didn't mean to make you hurt, hurt hurt.” I opened my eyes and looked out across the crowd and my eyes instantly landed on him. I felt my heart soar in my chest as I realised he was here! I gazed into his eyes as I continued to sing, “what do you say when your heart's not in it, your heart's not in it? What do you do when you just don't get it, you just don't get it? Where do you go when you reach your limit, you reach your limit? 'Cause all I know, all I know is, you are my only one, you are my only one, you are my only one, that's all I know, you're all I know.”

Everyone else in the room seemed to disappear. It was just me and Sebastian and the song I’d written for him. Tears were lining his eyes, but he didn’t look away and that made me bubble with hope. Maybe, just maybe, things might be okay between us. I continued to sing, my own tears gathering in my eyes. “I've been dreaming, dreaming that I'm only, only good enough for me and no one else,” I sang. I could hear Ryan singing in the background, his voice blending perfectly with mine to get across the message to Sebastian. Without really thinking, I jumped off the stage still singing into the microphone. The crowd parted as I walked to the back of the large room, “'Cause all I know, all I know is, you are my only one, you are my only one, you are my only one, that's all I know, it's all I know, you are my only one, you are my only one, you are my only one, that's all I know, you're all I know.”

I came to a stop in front of Sebastian, who now had tears running down his cheeks. I lowered the microphone as I gazed into his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Seb,” I whispered. I bit my lip as I waited for him to say or do something.
“You finally sang for me,” he whispered and I smiled slightly.
“I’ll sing for you for the rest of my life,” I said gently. I raised my hand and cupped his cheek. I gazed into his eyes and saw a small smile start to blossom into his face, but before it could, I closed the gap between us and kissed him. I heard the crowd around us erupt into cheers, but I didn’t stop. Nothing would tear me away from this moment. When I felt Seb’s arms go around my shoulders, I completely dropped the microphone to wrap my arms around his waist. “I love you,” I whispered, pulling back only a few centimetres.
“I love you, too,” he whispered, leaning his forehead against mine.
“I’m so sorry for what happened,” I said softly. “I didn’t mean to…you’re the most important person in my world, Seb. And I swear I will prove it to you every day for the rest of my life.”
“I believe you,” he whispered, his eyes twinkling with unshed tears. I smiled down at him and kissed him once again. He pulled back a moment later and then looked around him and I saw that familiar blush rise in his cheeks. “Um, you should probably go back on stage,” he said as he leant his head on my shoulder to hide his embarrassment.
“You’re not going anywhere, right?” I asked anxiously, starting to bite on my lower lip once again.
“I’m staying right here, I promise,” he smiled. I smiled in relief and placed a final kiss to his lips before picking up the microphone and going back to the stage. Ryan, James and Thom were all grinning at me. I just took my place back at the centre of the stage and did my thing. I apologised for the small break, thanked everyone for coming etc., etc. And then we dived straight into one of our most well-known songs.

I kept glancing over to make sure that Sebastian hadn’t left. He hadn’t, he stayed towards the back of the room, singing along with me and I couldn’t remember ever being happier.

Once the show was over, I wanted to go straight to find Seb, but I had to greet fans and do the whole rock-star thing. Not that I didn’t appreciate our fans, I just had more important things on my mind. But once all my obligations were taken care of, I immediately went in search of Sebastian. I found him outside the theatre, leaning against the wall. When he heard me coming, he stood up straight and turned to me. “Ryan did call me for you,” he said and I paused.
“Um, yeah, kind of,” I said, unsure whether he was annoyed. But then he smiled and I knew it was okay. I closed the remaining gap between the two of us and brought him into my arms. His head rested on my chest as I hugged him tightly, never wanting to ever let go of him again. “I am sorry, Seb, you know that, right?”
“I know,” he whispered.
“And nothing happened between Tasha and me,” I told him. “That night…or any night since I met you. I broke up with her last week.”
“You did?” he asked, pulling away to look up with me.
“Yeah, if I’m going to be with you, I want to be with you properly,” I told him. “No hiding this time.”
“I love you so much,” he whispered and I smiled as I ran my fingers through his soft hair.
“I love you, too,” I whispered. “And I promise, I will never hurt you again.” Sebastian just smiled and leant up to press his lips against mine in a deep kiss.

A few minutes later, we were interrupted by the appearance of my band mates. “So, everything good?” Ryan asked and I smiled and nodded.
“Guys, this is Sebastian,” I smiled, looking down at him, “my boyfriend.” Sebastian looked up at me with a smile before turning to look at the three guys in front of us. “Seb, this is Ryan, Thom and James.”
“Hi,” Sebastian said shyly.
“Welcome to our crazy little family,” Thom smiled before the three of them walked towards the car park. I grinned and looked down at Sebastian again.
“You’re staying over tonight, right?” I asked him and he nodded with a smile.

We headed out to the car park. Ryan and I had gone to the place together, so Ryan drove home while Sebastian and I sat in the back seats. “No funny business,” Ryan warned as he pulled out of the car park, making Seb’s cheeks burn bright red. I just his Ryan playfully. “And no hitting the driver!”

We got back to our flat about half an hour later and Seb was practically asleep on my shoulder. I frowned gently as I realised he had dark circles under his eyes and looked incredibly exhausted. Shaking him gently, I woke him up once Ryan had parked. “We’re back, baby, wake up,” I whispered and Seb’s eyes blinked open.
“Sorry,” he mumbled. I just smiled and shook my head.
“Come on,” I whispered, taking his hand and helping him out of the car and leading him into the building and up to our flat. I saw Ryan frowning gently as he looked at Sebastian and I wanted to ask him what he was thinking, but I couldn’t. Instead, I led Seb back to my bedroom and closed the doors. Seb practically fell onto my bed, letting out a heavy sigh. “Seb?” I whispered, sitting next to him on the bed. “What’s wrong?”
“Jus’ tired,” he mumbled. I got up and turned my bedroom light off before crossing the room again. I pulled off my shirt and jeans and quickly removed Seb’s clothes as well. I wasn’t sure he even noticed. I helped him get under the covers and he immediately snuggled into me. Despite worrying about him, I smiled at the behaviour and wrapped my arms around him tightly. “Love you,” he whispered.
“I love you, too,” I whispered. I soon heard Seb’s breathing turn heavy and guessed he’d fallen asleep. It didn’t take me long to fall asleep either, now that I had Seb back in my arms.

In the morning, Seb looked so much better. The circles under his eyes had faded slightly with a good night’s sleep, but I was still kind of concerned. “Seb?” I asked gently as we lay in bed together.
“Hmm,” he murmured, still resting on my chest.
“Are you okay?” I asked gently but I felt him tense slightly.
“I am now,” he whispered after a moment of silence.
“You weren’t?” I asked. This time, Seb didn’t answer at all. “Seb, what’s going on?” He sighed softly and sat up away from me. I instantly missed his touch.
“You know last week when…I came over that night,” he said softly. “You remember what I told you?” I frowned slightly and sat up too as I thought back. …my dad kicked me out… I stiffened and shifted closer to him.
“Seb, where have you been this last week?” I asked, kind of scared of the answer.
“Just…around,” he shrugged. “Sleeping where I could.” I stared at the back of his head in horror. And I instantly hated myself for forgetting about what Seb had told me before he’d left. I’d been so caught up with my own mistake of letting him go, that I didn’t even think about him.
“Were you…on the streets?” I asked in a whisper.
“Only a couple nights,” he said. “The first 3 nights I was at a friend’s, but then his mum was going to phone my parents about why I was staying there so much, so I left. And I had a bit of money for a hostel room, but only for a night. So I was only on the streets 2 nights.”
“Two nights…” I whispered. I couldn’t believe I’d completely dismissed what he’d told me when he’d come over. I’d just assumed he was over reacting or that his dad would let him back in. “So…your dad properly kicked you out?” I asked gently. Seb realised a sob as he nodded. I shuffled closer to him and wrapped my arms around him tightly.
“He said no son of his would be queer and living under his roof,” Seb said between his tears. “And he threw me out.” An instant hate formed for this man that I had never even met.
“I’m so sorry, Seb,” I whispered, pressing a kiss to his forehead. Seb shifted closer to me until he was in my lap. I held him tightly as he cried, whispering what I hoped were comforting words in his ear. Slowly, his tears died down until they were just gentle hiccoughs.

“You’re moving in here,” I told him. It wasn’t up for debate. No way was I going to have him live on the streets or some crappy hostel, and no way was I going to let him go back to his dad.
“But-“
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I can't bear the thought of something happening to you. I’m going to take care of you, Seb, I promise.” Seb pulled back and looked up into my eyes.
“I couldn’t ask you to do that,” he whispered.
“I know, you’re not,” I said. “But I’m doing it anyway, because I love you.” Seb smiled gently and kissed me tenderly.
“I love you, too,” he whispered. “So much.” I smiled and kissed him once again.

I had to run the whole thing by Ryan, but I knew he wouldn’t have a problem with it. Especially if I explained the whole situation. And if he did have a problem with it…then I’d find somewhere else to live, because Seb my main concern. I wasn’t going to let anything bad happen to him.

When I spoke to Ryan about it, he seemed surprised that I was even asking. “I’d just assumed he would be living here,” he said and I grinned and hugged him tight.
“You are the bestest friend ever,” I grinned and he laughed.
“I know,” he said.

The following day, I woke Seb up at 8 o’clock. He wasn’t exactly thrilled with the early morning, but I promised him it would be worth it. “I have a surprise for you,” I told him and he sat up.
“A surprise?” he asked. “What is it?”
“You’ll have to wait,” I grinned before tugging him out of bed and pushing him towards the bathroom to get ready. While he was showering, I got dressed left a note for Ryan, who was undoubtedly still fast asleep, telling him that we’d be back late and not to worry.

At 9.30, Seb and I got into the car. “Where are we going?” Seb asked, his grin still in place.
“Not telling,” I smiled. Seb pouted and I stubbornly refused to look at him, just in case I caved. “I just figured that after this crappy week and just…the way I treated you, that I should make it up to you,” I sad. Seb reached over and took my hand where it rested in my lap and linked our fingers.
“You’ve already given me a place to live,” he said. “And besides, I love you, I’ll forgive you pretty much anything.”
“But still,” I smiled at him. “I want to do this.” Seb just shrugged and looked out the window as we drove down the motorway towards our destination. I started to realise that he was looking at the road signs and I just smiled. He wouldn’t figure it out from them.

It took almost 2 hours, but eventually, the coast line was in sight. “We’re going to the beach?” Seb asked, his eyes sparkling.
“Yeah,” I smiled, figuring I might as well tell him seeing as he figured it out.
“Oh, my God, I’ve never been to the beach,” he said as he strained to look over the trees towards the sea.
“Seriously?” I asked in shock and he shrugged.
“My parents preferred skiing,” he said. I couldn’t believe that a 15 year old hadn’t been to the beach, but just shrugged.
“It’s too cold to swim, but I figured we could just sit on the sand and have a picnic,” I smiled. Sebastian turned to me and grinned.
“That sounds perfect,” he said happily and I smiled.
“Good.”

Only 10 minutes later I pulled into a car park that was half full. It didn’t surprise me. It was March and still pretty chilly out, especially for a trip to the beach. But I knew I’d made the right choice when Seb jumped out of the car as soon as I’d stopped. He immediately pulled his shoes and socks of and rolled up his jeans before walking out onto the sand. I smiled and followed him, removing my shoes and socks too. “This feels amazing,” Seb grinned at me. I reached his side and he took my hand as he pulled me towards the water.
“You know it’s gonna be cold,” I said as Seb reached the water.
“It’ll be fine,” he said, stepping bravely into the water before jumping out again. “Fuck, that’s fucking cold,” he cried and I couldn’t help but laugh. I took his hand once again and led him a little away from the water. We sat down close beside one another and looked over the water towards the horizon. “Thank you, Luca,” Seb said softly.
“Anytime,” I whispered, leaning in to kiss him gently.

We spent the rest of the day at the beach, walking up and down the coast line. Seb picked up all the shells he found and put them in his pockets. “I’m gonna keep these forever,” he said and I couldn’t help but smile at how adorable he was. We went to a small restaurant on the sea front for dinner. It wasn’t busy at all, as it was the quiet season, but the food was still really good. I couldn’t keep my eyes off my boyfriend. It felt kind of surreal that he’d taken me back, but he had. I could hardly put into words how happy I was.

When the sun started to set, I pulled blankets out of the back of my car and Seb and I found a spot on the beach to sit. It was getting really cold by now and I was starting to think that this was a stupid idea. Getting frozen at the beach wasn’t exactly romantic, but Seb didn’t seem to care. We had blankets over our laps to keep us as warm as possible. Silently, we watched the sun set but before it got to the horizon, I turned to Seb who was already looking at me. “I love you,” he whispered and I felt my heart leap as it always did when I heard him say those 3 words. The wind was starting to pick up and it blew his brown hair in all directions and made his cheeks a light pink, but he was still beautiful.
“I love you,” I whispered, leaning towards him to kiss him tenderly. “Seb?”
“Yeah?” he whispered.
“We should probably go back to the car before we freeze,” I said and he giggled before agreeing. We jumped up, picking up our blankets and headed back up the beach to the car.

Once we were safely inside the car, I turned the ignition on so we could get some heat, before I took Seb’s face in my hands and planted my lips back onto his. Seb’s arms grasped at my Jacket as he shifted across the middle of the car into my lap, our lips never separating. We were both cold, but soon warmed up thanks to our bodies being so close together along with the heat from the car. “I,” Seb whispered as he pulled back from the kiss. “I guess we should start to head home.” I stared at him when he said that and a grin worked its way onto my features. “What?” he asked unsurely.
“You said home,” I said gently. I couldn’t even begin to describe how thrilled I felt when Seb called the flat home.
“Well, um-“ I cut him off with another kiss.
“Let’s go home,” I smiled.

--

I knew things might get a little bit more complicated once our band really took off, but for right now, things were pretty perfect. Living with Sebastian was perfect. He continued to go to school while James, Thom, Ryan and I worked on our music. In the evenings, if we had a gig Sebastian would come along and if we didn’t have a gig, Sebastian and I would cuddle in front of the TV while Seb attempted to do homework and I distracted him from it. All in all, yeah, things were pretty perfect.