Just Can't Let You Go

Hours passed after Logan had left. Evy had fallen asleep and I sat by the fire in which Mimi had started. "Is this any similar to what caused the break up before?" she asked, causing me to look up at her.

"Sort of. The first time I was trying to figure out who I was ... where I was going. Now..." I sighed, leaning back and bringing my gaze back to the fire. "Now it seems as though I have no more control over my life."

"You do, you're just scared to disappoint everyone around you," Mimi said, patting my leg. "You've got to choose who you're wanting to make happy. You ... or the world around you." I looked at my grandmother, my temper rising and falling. "Let it out, Beathan."

"I understand that Logan wants what's best for Evy and me, I do. Yet, he's acting as if he is the only damn person who can make Evy's tantrums stop. It's normal for a three year old to scream, yell and kick when something doesn't got her way," I said, standing up and pacing the room. "I made the mistake of giving her whatever she wanted whenever she wanted. I ... I just wish that he could understand that I know what I have to do for my daughter."

"He understands, and you know that. You're refusing to accept it," she said, keeping her eyes on the fire. "Are you sure you truly want to be with him?"

"I'm..." I started, but stopped as I began to think about it. I loved Logan, and I knew Evy loved him. Thing is, was it worth ripping open the past and revisiting the old pain, if yet again, things don't work out? As I thought more and more about it, I was beginning to think more and more about Reggie.

Everything he told me was true. He was there for me when no one else was, when I needed a place to stay once Evelyn came along. I broke out of thought and looked at the front door, then at the ceiling.

Evelyn gave Reggie trouble, the world knew that, but every time he looked at her, you could tell he loved her as if she were his own. All the trouble, all the tantrums, all the screaming ... he was never bothered by it.

Evelyn did seem to calm down quite a bit when Logan came into her life, which was weird. She was attached to his hip as soon as she set eyes on him, and I don't think I'd have the heart to take her away from him, but I didn't have the heart to give her up to him either. "What's on your mind, Shane?" Mimi asked, breaking me from my reverie.

"Three people and the two questions I've been asking myself for eight years ... what am I doing and where am I going," I replied, looking at her with saddened eyes. "I want what's best for Evelyn, and she's always happy when she's around Logan. I also think its time that I've taken the chance with Reggie ... he's always been there for me through everything." I sat down on the floor and wrapped my arms around my knees.

"I believe you know what you have to do," she said, standing up slowly and looking at me.

"I refuse to give my daughter to anyone who isn't myself," I said, staring at the floor.

"Don't lie, Shane. You'd give her to this Reggie before you gave her to Logan. Even I know that," Mimi said, causing me to look up at her. "Maybe giving her to Logan would bring peace to everything. Even if it's a temporary thing."

"I don't have the heart to do it," I said, tears welling up in my eyes. "I can't be away from her."

"What did I say about lying?" Mimi said. "I know Logan was upset about a lot, especially when you were rarely ever home when the tantrums started. How it was Reggie's job to watch over her when you were working or when you would randomly run off to the pub. I can see why Logan would want to be there for her when her own father would run."

Standing up, I wrapped my arms around her and let out a shaky sigh. "I guess I'm not ready to be a father as I thought I was."

"You're ready, you're just scared," she said, pulling away and patting my cheek. "When I had your mother, it was five years later when I got a grip on everything, believe it or not."

I let out a soft chuckle and ran upstairs. Opening the door to my room, I grabbed my bag and started packing. I paused when I came across a picture. It was of Chase and I at the cliffside about 15 years ago. I sat down on the bed as I stared at the photo, a small smile appearing.

Of all the places I've come to love over the years, the cliffside was my top one. The family would go there every summer, and we were allowed to bring friends if we wanted. That year, though, it was just the family.

Even after all the shit we had been through, the good and the bad, we managed to get through it all alright. A few scrapes and bruises, a few broken bones and black eyes, and a handful of moments of screaming and yelling, but we made it.

I looked up when I heard my grandmother knock lightly. "You've come far, Brethan," she said, walking in. I nodded as I set the picture back on the nightstand. "You two were inseperable, believe it or not. Although, there were moments you two couldn't stand each other."

"Yeah," I said, smiling at the thought. "As I looked at that picture, I realized as a family, we made it through everything ... together. It wasn't a one person job, everyone had to pitch in one way or another. As I think about it, I'm the dad who works and plays too much. Logan's the mom who is always worried, but still manages to keep his head up. Reggie and Evelyn are the kids who fight a lot yet still get along no matter what. We're all together in this."

"Now you know what you're doing," Mimi whispered. "You've definitely come far. Tomorrow, call Logan." I nodded, and she kissed my forehead. She turned to leave, but I stopped her.

"Mimi, wait," I said, causing her to face me. "It seems it's going to be one of those nights," I said, giving her a weak smile.

"Lay down," she said, and I did so. She pulled the covers over me and sat down in her rocking chair, her cup of tea in hand. "Close your eyes, and dream about tomorrow." She started singing, her voice never faltering as I lay there in bed. Before I knew it, I was asleep, and the dreams of tomorrow began to play.