Tell Me All Your Secrets

When Josh first said that he fancied the person whose journal he found my eyes widened, and the fact that he right after said that he liked boys, I have to admit that it shocked me a lot; I had no idea that he liked boys just like I do and that he fancied me, who would’ve ever guessed that? I mean it wasn’t that obvious, or was it?

I took a deep breath before I slowly pulled out my phone from my pocket, “damn, guys I gotta go, Tom just texted me and said he need my help to something immediately, I’m sorry” I said, and well, obviously it was a lie but I needed to get out of this awkward and weird situation.

I quickly got up from the couch and headed to the front door to get out, but I didn’t come that far before I got stopped by Chris, “Hey man what’s up with you? You look… you look kinda scared” Chris asked softly with a bit of concern in his voice.

“Nah man I’m… I’m fine” I smiled softly before walking out of the door and towards my house.

When I got home I went straight to my room and locked the door, without even giving Tom a glance. I pulled out my extra diary and found a pencil, before I began to write in it. I honestly missed writing.

Nov. 22nd 2012

Dear diary.

It’s been awhile since I wrote in you, but ever since I lost my other diary I haven’t felt like writing anything at all. I know it’s a bad thing but I just can’t help.
I feel like I’ve betrayed myself and your, by not writing anything at all.

I don’t know how to feel anymore.
I don’t know if I should feel flattered, or if I should feel sad.

The entire world around me seems weird towards me, yet normal.
Everybody seems to hate me, yet love me.
My family seems to be annoyed by me, yet happy.

The empty feeling you get, is something I feel now.
I feel as empty as I ever could.

But dear diary, please don’t ever be upset about me.
Please don’t ever hate me.
……………… Please always love me

Love, me

I sighed and was about to read it through, when my brother called from downstairs and told me that Josh was here to visit me, and that he was on his way to my room now.

I hurried to hide my diary, causing me to stumble over my own legs and fall to the ground.
Just as I was about to get up and take my diary, Josh opened the door and hurried inside to help me up.

“Oh my Gosh; are you okay?” Josh said worried and helped me up on my legs.

“Yeah, thank you” I said, feeling some small tears pricking in the corner of my eyes.

“What’s this?” Josh asked and was about to take my diary, but I quickly snapped it out of his hands again.

“Nothing, it’s nothing” I said quickly.

Josh got a confused look on his face but soon it looked like he was trying to shrug it off, and he then sat down on my bed.

“I just wanted to see if something was wrong since you left? Because you obviously shouldn’t help your brother” Josh said silently, clearly waiting patiently for me to answer him.

“I… I just didn’t feel well… Well I haven’t felt good the last couple of days, I think I’m …. I think I’m about to catch a cold” I said and silently let out a small fake cough.

“Oh I’m sorry, but you better feel good within a few days” Josh said with a cute smile on his face. “By the way, you don’t have to answer me if you don’t feel like it, but uhm… Do you like girls or boys?” Josh asked shyly.

Damn Oliver, you gotta work hard now to answer that question.