In the End... I'll Always Love You

Loki took me in his arms, and carried me over to the chair he was in earlier. I sat on his lap, and we spent the rest of the day talking. We chatted about everything; mostly, Loki asked me questions about earth, or what he kept calling it, Midguard. He wanted to know more about how things were run, and how we, as a race, protected ourselves. Needless to say, I’m not an expert on the military or anything, so I wasn’t that useful. He kept asking though, and his curiosity worried me a little bit. I continued to ask him about Asgard, but he wasn’t very interested in talking about his home, no matter how much I pleaded with him.

Eventually we both ran out of things to say, and we just stared at each other, not minding the silence. I leaned against his chest, sighing quietly. It was nice having someone around, since I always seem to spend my time alone, even though I know that it was my entire fault. He brought his arms around me and started to play with my hair, twisting it around his fingers.
I looked up into his eyes, and was transfixed by their intensity. His irises were seas of intense green, but with small specs of blue around the edges. They seemed to sparkle; the green being the murky depths and the blue being the shore. He they were absolutely captivating.

“Maggie?”

I shook my head, trying to bring myself back to reality. For a few moments, I felt completely hypnotized by his eyes; the intensity overwhelmed me.

“Uhm, yeah. What is it?”

“We’ve been talking for hours now, and you’ve gracefully avoided saying a single thing about your family... don’t think I didn’t notice.”

I bit my lip, looking away from Loki. My family and my past are out of bounds; blacklisted. I don’t talk about them… there are very dark things that shouldn’t ever be brought up. Just mentioning my family makes me uneasy; a slow, steady churning started to settle in my stomach.

“Yeah I… I don’t really talk about my family. There aren’t many things I like to talk about…

He looked at me quizzically; his eyebrows crunched up in concentration, and I could see thoughts churning behind his eyes.

“There isn’t anything you could say that would alarm me, so there’s nothing to fear. Please… tell me about your family. Do you have any brothers or sisters?”

I could feel the anxiety tightening my chest, but I couldn’t let it show. Loki talked about his family, and I could too. I’d just leave out my brother… who’s the source of the trouble.

“Well… I grew up with both of my parents and, uh, my sister. I’ve never been close to my parents,
but my sister and I used to be very, very close…”

I was stumbling over my thoughts and barely getting my words out. I looked up at Loki, and I could tell he knew something was wrong.

“Used to be? You should never let your family go, I know that more than anyone. Being on your own is… difficult.”

“She, um, well… we had a disagreement.” I paused, gathering myself. I really didn’t want to start crying in front of him… I couldn’t.

“…and that’s all I’d like to say about that.”

I gathered myself and tried to get up; I needed to get the the nervousness out of my system; maybe mend the awkwardness of the situation, and get back to the happiness we had before. But when I tried to get up, two firm hands took hold of my shoulders and pushed me down. I looked up at Loki nervously, his eyes were intense. I could tell he wasn’t content with what I had to say.

“I know there’s more to that story, don’t try to deceive me with that pathetic sliver of that conflict. I’ve told you everything, without even knowing you. You can at least give me the same courtesy and not pass me off with some petty fraction of the story.”

I looked at him, anxiety and a slew of other emotions pumping through my veins. I didn’t want to talk about this right now, especially with him. He’d think about me so differently.

“I… Loki… please… it’s not easy to talk about.”

“And you think talking about how my life was upturned was easy? Don’t be rude, darling; return the kindness and call it a day.”

“Loki… you don’t understand…” I looked up at him, trying to harden my features and be as threatening as I could.

“…I’m not talking about it.”

A weird look consumed Loki’s face; he looked angry, but at the same time he seemed to take that as a challenge. I tried to get up again, but he shoved me down again, his fingers digging into my shoulders.

“Fine… I can just look at them myself. I don’t understand why you’d be so defensive about this, stupid midardian woman. You think you can fight me? You think you’re worthy of that? You’re powerless against a god, like me.”

I tried to defend myself against him, but it wasn’t much use; he was far too strong. Before I could say anything, I felt his icy fingertips on my temple, pressing down on my skin roughly.
My skin started to cool down, and my mind started to feel hazy. My muscles started to relax and Loki was holding me upright. I felt his presence in my head, and after a few moments, I could hear his voice.

“Let us see… where can I go in your memories, hm? So much to learn, so much to see… so much you’re keeping under extremely heavy guard.”

I felt a wave of anxiety flow through me, and my heart began to race. It was terrifying having someone in your mind, being able to just play and do whatever they wanted. There was nothing I could do to stop him as he was near the memory of that night where my sister cut me out of her life.

“Loki, please… don’t do this.”

“Oh, it’s far too late for that. Just accept it, and don’t fight. This will pass by in no time.”

I did what I could to block out what he was seeing, and thankfully I didn’t have to watch. But I could remember it all too well.

It was raining that night, and it was pattering on my windowpane when my sister barged into the apartment. She started to scream, calling me a liar and an attention whore. She didn’t believe what I had to say was true. I stood there and took her insults, keeping my eyes focused on my carpet. She couldn’t believe what I had said, and she just kept screaming.
I looked up at her, and silently took of my sweater, showing her the bruises on my arms. I lifted my shirt to show the bruises that spread over my ribcage, and she went quiet.

“Do you believe me now, Sarah? Can you think so highly of your brother now? Look what he does when he’s angry… what do you think of him now?”

She looked at me, shaking her head.

“You’re full of shit; Nate would never do this. I can’t believe you’d blame him for this.”

Before I could respond she told me she never wanted to hear from me again, and she walked out of my life. I haven’t heard from her since. That same night, my brother broke into the apartment and threatened to kill me if I ever told anyone what he’d done… and Loki got to see what he did... firsthand. Back then I was much smaller; more fragile than I am now. He did what he wanted with me, and I never fought him. I knew better.

“…I, I can’t watch this.”

Loki’s presence disappeared, and slowly I could feel myself again. I looked at Loki, nothing but anger on my mind. I got up off of his lap turned to face him, my hands balled up in fists.

“I told you that was something I didn’t want to talk about! Don’t you get personal boundaries? Not everything is yours to know!”

He looked at me, his eyes full of sadness; I could see tears gathering in the corners of his eyes.

“Maggie… I’m-”

“You think you can get whatever you want because you’re supposedly a god and better than everyone else, but you know what? You aren’t. You have plenty to learn from us ‘mortals’.”
He looked at me, wringing his hands. I could see him choosing his words wisely.

“Please… I didn’t expect-”

Before he could finish, I slapped him across the face. I looked at my hand for a moment, shocked at what I just did. I looked at him, breathing heavy. His eyes were sad, and he couldn’t look me in the eye.

“Get out.” He looked at me for a moment, rising out of his chair and nodding. He made his way to the door slowly, me close behind.

“Maggie…”

“Just go. You… went too far. Go.”

He nodded again, taking my hand and kissing is softly. His eyes were beyond sincere and kind. I felt something tug at my heart, and for a moment I wanted him to say. But I shook it off and didn’t respond.

“Thank you for having me… you’ve been a gracious host. Goodnight.”

I looked at him, nodded in return, and slammed the door shut. I made sure to lock it before I fell to the ground and started to cry. I couldn’t tell if they were tears for my sister, or tears for Loki, who I just threw out into the streets for the night. But the tears, whoever they were for, didn’t stop for what felt like weeks.

Eventually I caught my breath and brought myself to the chair Loki was sitting in, and tried to cope with what I’d done. And at that moment, I longed for Loki’s embrace, and I knew I wanted nothing else.