In the End... I'll Always Love You

My mind was on fire; in the matter of barely two days, I had: met, befriended, fell in love with, and then threw out a man that I didn’t know last week. My conscience was in chaos; I didn’t know how, or what to feel towards Loki. Somewhere in my heart I loved him, and I knew that I didn’t want to ever let him go. But on the other hand, the way he acted after our first kiss, and how he completely ignored my privacy and just… invaded my memories, completely disregarding my pleas for him to stop; it broke my heart.

I knew he had feelings for me when we met in the marketplace. The way he looked into my eyes when he held my hand was special; at that moment, something happened. During that split second, where I felt his icy stare touch my heart, I knew I’d do anything to keep him by my side, but that was before last night.

I walked into the living room, mindlessly sitting down, not noticing that I chose the same chair Loki had been sitting in. I looked down, seeing the neat stack of leather, metal and emerald green cloth; the remnants of Loki’s clothes. I pushed them away angrily, and sat with my back facing them. I couldn’t stand to even look at them.

I brought my knees up to my chest, and rested my forehead on top of my knees. I felt the urge to cry, but it wasn’t out of sadness, but frustration. I didn’t understand why he had done what he did. It seemed that he had no idea how personal emotions can be… how much they affect someone when played with. I also didn’t get why, even though he obviously had feelings for me, tried to push them aside at times… it was something I’m not sure I’d ever understand. Those thoughts stabbed me in the chest, and hurt more than ever. I knew I couldn’t change what he saw, and he couldn’t change what he’d done.

I sat there for hours, not moving, just thinking. I choked back tears, remembering that Loki wouldn’t approve of me crying; it makes me a weak midgardian woman, not worthy of a ‘god’ like him. I held myself tightly, hoping these feelings would go away, but I knew they wouldn’t.
I was startled by a knock on the door; it was gentle, but seemed to echo through the apartment. I got up, wrapping my sweater tightly around me. I knew it could only be one person, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to see them.

I slowly opened the door, and there was Loki. It had been about half a day since I saw him, and I could see the stress in his face. He had dark rings under his slightly bloodshot eyes, and his skin seemed to be a light shade of blue from the cold. A rush of guilt filled my thoughts; the night must’ve been rough on him.

“…Maggie, can I talk to you?”
Immediately, I wanted to let him in and get him warmed up, but I had to stop myself. I couldn’t go soft on him so soon.

“I guess… what is it?”

He walked towards the door, expecting to come in. I didn’t move my arm out of his way. He looked away, sadness filling his eyes even more.

“Please… can I come in? This is something that should be said in private…”

“Fine.” I said, after a few quiet moments.

I moved my arm out of his way. He cautiously walked inside, wringing his hands violently, opening the wounds on his hands as he did so. I flinched, wanting to help him, but had to fight my urge and ignore it him. I went back to my chair in the living room and sat down, trying to block Loki out.
He stayed near the door, barely making his way inside. He was consumed with feelings I couldn’t identify… he barely looked like the same man I kicked out of my apartment last night.

“Maggie. I… I apologize for what I did last night. I invaded your privacy, and there aren’t enough words to express my regrets. It was wrong of me, and I know I treated you like you weren’t as special as you are… some of thing things I said were wrong…”

He paused, and walked over to the chair I was sitting in. I made sure not to look in his direction, trying to keep this ‘I’m stronger than this’ composure. I knelt beside the chair, his hand close to my shoulder.

“…I know how it feels to not be considered good enough; I’ve lived like that my entire life. And treating you like I did made me a hypocrite. But when I met you, and I talked to you… when I kissed you, for the first time I felt like I was almost enough for someone… and my wicked heart can’t bear to lose that feeling.”

I slowly turned my head to look at him. He was kneeling next to me, his hands clenched together. I saw the pure desperation in his eyes, and it made me second guess everything I was planning to say, but in the end, he needed to hear it.

“…do you think you’re going to fool me with that? You… you invaded my mind without any warning or reasoning! You went into my head and just did whatever you pleased! And I heard what you said… I’m not good enough for you. I’m not an Asgardian, so I’m not worthy. Don’t mock me with that sweet talk… you must have better things to attend to.”

I could feel the anger running through my veins. I stared into his eyes, channeling every ounce of anger I possibly could. In return, I saw the tears gather in Loki’s eyes. He tried to blink them away, but couldn’t.

“Maggie please… you are the first person to make me feel like I’m worth anything. You’re eyes, your smile, your voice… the way they light up when I talk to you; the way you hang onto my every word...”

He took my hands, a tear slowly sliding down his cheek.

“I know that I’ll never be worthy of any woman, especially you, but I hope you can accept a flawed man... because you complete me. In the end, you will always complete me.”

He leaned in closer to me, tears freely falling down his face. I felt all of the anger and hatred melt away, and for a moment, I couldn’t remember why I was angry.

“Loki…”

He interrupted me with a kiss; his lips desperate and powerful against mine. I put my hands on his shoulders, and eventually held his face, wiping away his tears with my thumbs. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me close to him. I could feel his heart racing against my chest, its rhythm spastic and fueled by adrenaline. I ran my fingers through his hair, forcing his lips to stay against mine.

I tugged at his hair a little harder, and I heard him growl softly in reply. He pulled his lips away, a snide grin spreading across his face. His eyes locked onto mine; they were consumed with lust and want. He stared hungrily at my lips, and immediately attacked them, showing no mercy.
I could feel his hunger, his desperation for love as we kissed, our lips never separating. As we kissed, as we held each other close, I knew that I’d never let him go again.