Status: Finished
God Bless the Children of the Beast
Perfect plan
I had the perfect plan. Nikki always says what’s on his mind anyway, but would he this time? Just to be safe I was doing the best thing possible, hide his Heroin and make sure he gets his crack and some JD. That way he’ll be just zoned out enough to speak his mind without being awkwardly mute (or dead
).
“Hey Nikki!” I cooed, jumping out of bed when he came into the room. He gave me a hard stare with his glazed-over eyes, his week-old leathers sticking to his skin, and his tattoos glowing on his bare arms. “What?” He asked cautiously, scared at my excitement. “Guess what I got.” I beamed. He yawned and fell into bed beside me. “What?” He asked again, completely uninterested. I pulled the baggie out from under the blanket. At the sound of the crinkling plastic his head shot up and searched for the source. “Woah!” He yelled, reaching for the bag. I held it out of his reach. “You gotta share.” I complained. “Okay okay.” He said, still reaching. I let him have it and watched as he searched for a straw, going the easiest way at it. As promised he returned with two and we set up camp on the floor.
We sat beside each other against the wall, Nikki setting up lines on the floor. I laid my head on his shoulder as I watched, my brain craving for the rush, my body begging me not to. I let him have it for a few minutes before I took some. Enough to kill the desire, not enough to kill me. That’s my motto now. “Hey.” I said after a few minutes of powder-absorption. He sat up and looked at me questioningly. Without a word I kissed him. Automatically my heart raced, unlike the adrenaline rush I get from a needle in my arm or a straw up my nose. This was a completely different rush. He kissed back as usual, nothing new to him. But this was my test. As I expected, he did exactly what he usually did. He wasn’t shy, or unsure, or even a raging sexual beast like Tommy. He was tender and caressing. After a minute we mutually broke the embrace, and he went back to his drugs like nothing happened. I got up to go get our Jack from his stash.
--
Nikki didn’t even notice she had left until she returned. She handed him a big bottle of his favorite shit, and right away his head cleared up. He handed it back to her and noticed she avoided eye contact. She took a long swig and looked the other way. He took her hand, as he was accustomed to doing, and she twitched at his touch, looking slowly over at him with a blank expression. His vision was fuzzy, but he could think pretty straight. “What’s wrong?” He asked sincerely. She sighed and gripped his hand, turning it over to look at it. He wondered what she was thinking about “Sami?” He asked, now worried that she wasn’t talking up a storm. “How do you feel about me?” She asked finally.
He looked at her, wondering why should would ask such a stupid question. “Sami, you’re my best friend.” He said quickly. “More than Tommy.” He added for good measure. “Is that how you really feel?” She asked, looking up at him with sadness obvious in her dark blue eyes. He was silent, his mind buzzing. What was with her? He answered her, why couldn’t she let it go? He did another line, frustrated.
After a minute he sat up and looked at her. “What was with that kiss earlier?” He asked her. “What do you mean?” She replied, finally doing a line herself and taking a long swig of the Jack after. He poured out more coke as his mind raced to make sense of his thoughts. “It was different.” He said finally, unable to think of a better answer.
--
As I watched him I suddenly saw the years flashing behind my eyes. Little Franky up on the roof with stars in his eyes. Asshole punk-rock teen Nikki back at the Whiskey. Poofy-haired anxious Nikki calling out to the devil and wearing spikes all over. Fun adorable Nikki head-to-toe in stripes like a Steven Tyler wannabe, having fun in the boys room and discovering the dark side of being a rockstar.
And finally, here sat drug-addict Nikki…dead once, on the floor of his lonely and dark mansion doing drugs to seal the pain. I couldn’t help but wonder not if, but when it would happen again, when I would lose him for good if I couldn’t protect him. Suddenly, without thinking, I whispered “I love you Nikki.”
He sat back against the wall, lowering the almost empty bottle from his lips. “What did you say?” He asked. I looked away quickly. “Nothing.” I answered. I was afraid of what he would think of me if he knew. I started as I felt the light touch of fingertips on my face, pulling my gaze back towards him. “What did you say.” He repeated, speaking softly. My breath caught in my throat as I tried to speak, afraid to lose this one person I cared about. “I said…I…” His pale green eyes burned into mine, seeking for the thing I hid from him. Seeking deep inside me as he did at night, seeking down into my heart as he did everyday. Searching for the truth which would set his heart free. I finally forced myself to believe I could help him, if only I could say it once more.
“I love you.” I breathed, preparing myself for a glass bottle launched at my head. Instead I was greeted with a kiss. It was every bit as sweet as the previous one, yet somehow held more meaning. When he broke it it was much too soon. “Thank you, Sami.” He said simply. I stared at him, holding back tears. That’s it? A kiss and “thank you”? I breathed out my despair silently and withdrew another breath of serenity. After a moment of silence he ignored the remaining line on the floor and placed his bottle beside him. He sighed deeply, then turned his tender gaze down at me. “Come here.” He said, patting his leg. I sat there and lay my head on his chest. I could hear his heart beat faintly, burdened with the sinful drugs, but at least still beating. I heard his heart speed just the slightest bit, and he kissed my head. “I love you too.” He finally replied, holding me close to him.
).
“Hey Nikki!” I cooed, jumping out of bed when he came into the room. He gave me a hard stare with his glazed-over eyes, his week-old leathers sticking to his skin, and his tattoos glowing on his bare arms. “What?” He asked cautiously, scared at my excitement. “Guess what I got.” I beamed. He yawned and fell into bed beside me. “What?” He asked again, completely uninterested. I pulled the baggie out from under the blanket. At the sound of the crinkling plastic his head shot up and searched for the source. “Woah!” He yelled, reaching for the bag. I held it out of his reach. “You gotta share.” I complained. “Okay okay.” He said, still reaching. I let him have it and watched as he searched for a straw, going the easiest way at it. As promised he returned with two and we set up camp on the floor.
We sat beside each other against the wall, Nikki setting up lines on the floor. I laid my head on his shoulder as I watched, my brain craving for the rush, my body begging me not to. I let him have it for a few minutes before I took some. Enough to kill the desire, not enough to kill me. That’s my motto now. “Hey.” I said after a few minutes of powder-absorption. He sat up and looked at me questioningly. Without a word I kissed him. Automatically my heart raced, unlike the adrenaline rush I get from a needle in my arm or a straw up my nose. This was a completely different rush. He kissed back as usual, nothing new to him. But this was my test. As I expected, he did exactly what he usually did. He wasn’t shy, or unsure, or even a raging sexual beast like Tommy. He was tender and caressing. After a minute we mutually broke the embrace, and he went back to his drugs like nothing happened. I got up to go get our Jack from his stash.
--
Nikki didn’t even notice she had left until she returned. She handed him a big bottle of his favorite shit, and right away his head cleared up. He handed it back to her and noticed she avoided eye contact. She took a long swig and looked the other way. He took her hand, as he was accustomed to doing, and she twitched at his touch, looking slowly over at him with a blank expression. His vision was fuzzy, but he could think pretty straight. “What’s wrong?” He asked sincerely. She sighed and gripped his hand, turning it over to look at it. He wondered what she was thinking about “Sami?” He asked, now worried that she wasn’t talking up a storm. “How do you feel about me?” She asked finally.
He looked at her, wondering why should would ask such a stupid question. “Sami, you’re my best friend.” He said quickly. “More than Tommy.” He added for good measure. “Is that how you really feel?” She asked, looking up at him with sadness obvious in her dark blue eyes. He was silent, his mind buzzing. What was with her? He answered her, why couldn’t she let it go? He did another line, frustrated.
After a minute he sat up and looked at her. “What was with that kiss earlier?” He asked her. “What do you mean?” She replied, finally doing a line herself and taking a long swig of the Jack after. He poured out more coke as his mind raced to make sense of his thoughts. “It was different.” He said finally, unable to think of a better answer.
--
As I watched him I suddenly saw the years flashing behind my eyes. Little Franky up on the roof with stars in his eyes. Asshole punk-rock teen Nikki back at the Whiskey. Poofy-haired anxious Nikki calling out to the devil and wearing spikes all over. Fun adorable Nikki head-to-toe in stripes like a Steven Tyler wannabe, having fun in the boys room and discovering the dark side of being a rockstar.
And finally, here sat drug-addict Nikki…dead once, on the floor of his lonely and dark mansion doing drugs to seal the pain. I couldn’t help but wonder not if, but when it would happen again, when I would lose him for good if I couldn’t protect him. Suddenly, without thinking, I whispered “I love you Nikki.”
He sat back against the wall, lowering the almost empty bottle from his lips. “What did you say?” He asked. I looked away quickly. “Nothing.” I answered. I was afraid of what he would think of me if he knew. I started as I felt the light touch of fingertips on my face, pulling my gaze back towards him. “What did you say.” He repeated, speaking softly. My breath caught in my throat as I tried to speak, afraid to lose this one person I cared about. “I said…I…” His pale green eyes burned into mine, seeking for the thing I hid from him. Seeking deep inside me as he did at night, seeking down into my heart as he did everyday. Searching for the truth which would set his heart free. I finally forced myself to believe I could help him, if only I could say it once more.
“I love you.” I breathed, preparing myself for a glass bottle launched at my head. Instead I was greeted with a kiss. It was every bit as sweet as the previous one, yet somehow held more meaning. When he broke it it was much too soon. “Thank you, Sami.” He said simply. I stared at him, holding back tears. That’s it? A kiss and “thank you”? I breathed out my despair silently and withdrew another breath of serenity. After a moment of silence he ignored the remaining line on the floor and placed his bottle beside him. He sighed deeply, then turned his tender gaze down at me. “Come here.” He said, patting his leg. I sat there and lay my head on his chest. I could hear his heart beat faintly, burdened with the sinful drugs, but at least still beating. I heard his heart speed just the slightest bit, and he kissed my head. “I love you too.” He finally replied, holding me close to him.