Status: Active
Blighted Soul
Chapter 37
“Is something wrong, Evan?” He asks, sounding genuinely concerned. My arms are still crossed over my chest. I’d been feeling thin lately. Thin and weary with guilt. My appetite was slowly diminishing and lately I couldn’t look at anyone without thinking of all the wrong I’d done to them.
“I’m fine,” I lied, too stubborn to confide in this man.
He looks at me disbelievingly. “You can tell me, you know,” he says gently. His shoulder length salt and pepper hair is falling into his eyes. His glasses are perched at the end of his nose. Sighing internally, I decide to tell him. There’s no point in me refusing to day after day. If I don’t make any progress, he won’t sign my release.
“I just want to get out of here, alright?” I say quietly.
“Something tells me that isn’t what’s really bothering you.”
“I feel guilty, okay?” I say in exasperation. “I feel like I can’t look anyone I love in the eye because I’m scared I’ll just see the pain that I’ve caused them.”
“Guilt is a terrible thing to have. That’s why it’s good to make amends. Have you apologized to your loved ones yet?”
“Of course I have,” I say, “But how can they forgive me when I haven’t even forgiven myself?”
“Maybe their forgiveness is the reason you should forgive yourself. If the ones you hurt most forgive you, maybe it’s time for you to also.”
I immediately think of Caleb and the words he’d spoken to me just minutes before. “Maybe,” I say, chewing on my lip.
“I’m fine,” I lied, too stubborn to confide in this man.
He looks at me disbelievingly. “You can tell me, you know,” he says gently. His shoulder length salt and pepper hair is falling into his eyes. His glasses are perched at the end of his nose. Sighing internally, I decide to tell him. There’s no point in me refusing to day after day. If I don’t make any progress, he won’t sign my release.
“I just want to get out of here, alright?” I say quietly.
“Something tells me that isn’t what’s really bothering you.”
“I feel guilty, okay?” I say in exasperation. “I feel like I can’t look anyone I love in the eye because I’m scared I’ll just see the pain that I’ve caused them.”
“Guilt is a terrible thing to have. That’s why it’s good to make amends. Have you apologized to your loved ones yet?”
“Of course I have,” I say, “But how can they forgive me when I haven’t even forgiven myself?”
“Maybe their forgiveness is the reason you should forgive yourself. If the ones you hurt most forgive you, maybe it’s time for you to also.”
I immediately think of Caleb and the words he’d spoken to me just minutes before. “Maybe,” I say, chewing on my lip.