About a Girl

The sound of Alex's voice screaming through the air gave me chills. We were playing the last song in the set. I was at the edge of a monitor on my knees banging my head in time with the kick drum. I knew my neck was gonna hurt like a bitch in the morning, but I was living in the moment and the feel of my hair swinging around was amazing. Erik and Emil were standing side by side as they banged their heads too. Bo was an absolute animal in the back. Arm and legs flailing all over, he looked like a rag doll being thrashed around. Everything was perfect.

The song ended and we all stood together on the stage. We had put our respective instruments down and lined up in a row. Erik and Emil had their sweaty arms around me while my arms wrapped around their waists. My hair was sticking up at odd angels and our breathing was shallow. As our chest heaved up and down we smiled at the crowd and bowed all together.

When we came back up from our bow the audience disappeared. I raised an eyebrow at the sudden emptiness of the venue. I looked to my left to Erik, but he wasn't there. I looked to my right to Emil, but he wasn't there. Then the stage lights turned off. The whole venue was swallowed in complete darkness. All the guys had disappeared. I spun around frantically trying to see if anyone was there. It was so dark I couldn't even see an inch in front of me.

"Guys," I tried to cry out, but nothing came out. Just silence.

I wrapped my arms around me as if it would comfort me. It only made me realize how alone I was. Silent tears streamed down my face as I fell to my knees. I buried my head in my knees as I tried to calm myself.

I told you.

Shut up

They're just gonna use you and then throw you to the curb.

None of them never cared.

Adam never cared about you. He's the one that let you go.

I gripped my head tightly and began pulling at my hair.

Shut up. You don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, but I do.

Where are they now.

Why aren't they here to protect you?

My eyes were shut tight and I began pulling harder at my hair. I started hitting myself in hopes that'll it shut the voice up.

Please leave me alone

They're all gonna laugh at you.

I was pleading now. Why won't it just go away.

Look up.

I slowly lifted up my head, hands still gripping tightly at my hair. A spotlight turned on pointing directly at me. I immediately brought my arm up to cover my eyes from the bright light. I was still on the stage on my knees. "Help," I managed to barely croak out.

Then it started. A soft chuckle broke the silence. I didn't know where the exact source was, but I could hear it bounce off the walls of the venue. The chuckle gradually increased into a loud laughter. A mocking laugh that swirled around my head and embedded itself into my brain. I sunk to the ground bringing my knees up into a fetal position. I held my hands tightly over my ears as I began to sob, begging for the laugh to stop. My finger nails dug into my head as I bit my lip harshly, hoping the pain will stop will make everything numb. Then silence.

I continued to lay in fetal position for a minute.

Two minutes.

Five minutes.

I brought my arms down to my side as I sat up. It was dark again. I could still feel the floor of the stage beneath me. I shakily got to my knees and crawled forward to the small rail that surrounded the stage. I leaned my elbows on top of the cold rail as I tried to see through the thick darkness. Then out of nowhere the whole place lit up. I wanted to shield my eyes from the sudden brightness, but I couldn't look down. Right in front of me stood my mother. Her curly brown hair framed her pudgy face. She had a scowl as she looked at me.

"Why did you leave?" Venom dripped off each word.

"I-I.." I couldn't speak. It was if an invisible hand had wrapped itself around my neck and was choking me. Keeping me from uttering a word.

"Everything I did for you. I raised you, not your useless daddy." Her face was red and her nostrils flared. "Do you not remember all the times he left us. All the times he hurt me. And you still choose him over me."

"M-ma, I'm sorry. I-I.." I couldn't breathe. My vision was getting blurry.

"And now you think you can just leave your whole family behind. Well, you're sadly mistaken young lady."

"No, you can't take me away!" She couldn't do this. She can't take me away from something that made me so happy.

She started laughing this nasally laugh you'd only hear from a witch. "You actually think you can live this little dream of yours," she snorted. "You actually think those guys you call band mates give a shit about you. Look around you Chelsea, they're all just gonna laugh at you."

I looked past my mother and saw the audience was filled. Filled with everyone I've ever known. My brother and his friends huddled together and they laughed at me. Every kid who picked on me in school were pointing at me yelling out the names they given me over the years. And they I saw the guys huddled together in a group. They all stood together as they laughed. Shouting out obscenities at me and saying that I was worthless.

"You actually think we cared about you," Erik shouted at me.

"I can't believe how easy you were to believe us. You really are a stupid little girl. And Adam helped us all the way through," Alex sneered.

I pulled away from the rail and scrambled to my feet.

"No," my hand went back to gripping my head. "No, Adam would never do that." I was desperate. So desperate to not believe what Alex was saying.

I kept shaking my head from left to right. Denying everything that they were saying. I took a step back. I was still on stage and the floor before me was filled with people laughing. The laughing was deafening.

"Please stop," I screamed.

They only got louder. I frantically looked around. Looking for an escape, but something caught my eye. Way in the back stood Adam. He was sitting on top of a bar stool as he looked at me smugly. His eyes were mocking me. I took another step back to only fall on my ass. My head banged against the platform that held the drums. I sat up slowly as I held the back of my head. Everyone was crowded around me now. They hovered over me as they continued to point and laugh.

"Stop," I screamed. "Leave me alone. Please, just leave me alone." I was sobbing hysterically now. "Please," I sobbed as I moved into a fetal position again.

"Chelsea!"

My eyes snapped open. I was covered in sweat and my heart was hammering against my chest. Erik's hands gripped my shoulders tightly as he shook me. Everyone else was crowded around the bed I had been sharing with Astrid and Flip. Their eyes were filled with concern.

"Chelsea, please say something," Erik pleaded.

"I-I-uh..what?" I was lost. My head was spinning and it was hard to breathe. Flashbacks of the dream came back to me and it felt like they were suffocating me.

"Chelsea, please you need to calm down and breathe," Alex spoke as he took Erik's place in front of me. He gently gripped my shoulder and began moving his arms up and down my arms in a comforting way.

I shut my eyes tightly as I tried to even my breathing. I couldn't have a panic attack right now. They've already seen so many bad sides of me, I didn't want them to see that side. My hands gripped onto Alex's arms and I squeezed. I began to take deep breaths as I began to count to ten. Each number I counted I squeezed Alex's arms.

8
squeeze
9
squeeze
10
squeeze

After the final squeeze I slowly opened my eyes. They were all still crowded around me staring.

"Please stop staring," I mumbled softly.

They all quickly averted their gazes to the floor. "Chelsea, what happened," Alex asked as he continued to stare at me.

I couldn't tell him what my dream was about. They all already knew so much about me. Alex knew more about me than I was comfortable with. Maybe that's why I had the dream. I trusted them all too quickly. I've only know these people three days and I've ran away from home with them. I've threw my whole life away for six strangers. I needed to start taking things slow. I need to start taking baby steps and see if I can trust them completely. That way if they ever do hurt me, well, it'd really won't be a loss. It won't hurt as bad.

"Please answer me." I didn't even realize I haven't even answered Alex.

"Just a nightmare. I'll be fine."

"You sure," he said unsure.

"Yeah, I'm just gonna get some air." I quickly got up and tried to make my way towards the door only to be pulled back Erik.

"Not so fast there," he said as he pulled at my arm. "I doubt any of us will be getting any sleep soon, so how 'bout we put that bear of yours to some good use,'' he spoke.

The others looked at Erik strangely before looking at me for some kind of explanation.

"I-I.." I was choking on my words again.

"Our little bassist here has a smoking bear. The least he could do is share," Erik smiled.

I felt myself blush at what he was saying. He really knew how to put me on the spot.

"Really?" Alex questioned me.

I could only nod my head.

"Where's the bear," Alex asked.

I pointed towards my suitcase. I moved my pills into my suitcase earlier when I had used them and I just left the weed taped to Grim. "Under his shirt."

"Holy shit," Emil exclaimed as he held the baggy up. "How much is in here?"

"About an eight," I said softly. I don't know why I was being so shy about this. None of them were freaking out or accusing me of being a druggie. It was just me being stupid again.

"How'd you get it," Alex questioned.

"Adam left it for me."

"Mind if we smoke some now," Emil asked.

"Uh, yeah." I hated being so nervous. They were asking to smoke, why was I still ashamed to even look at them.

"Hey," Alex lifted my chin up to meet his gaze, "You don't need to be ashamed if you smoke. We were all teens once, we've had our fair share in the drug department," he tried reassure me. "You can smoke as much as you want, but once you start sniffing and playing with needles, then we got a problem." His gaze suddenly turned hard. It was actually scary.

I nodded my head again telling him I understood.

"Good," he smiled. "Now, who wants to roll."

Bo and I had rolled two joints and we were all now sitting around the motel room passing it around. Apparently, Bo was the big smoker in high school while the others stayed to alcohol.

"What is it?" Astrid questioned as she stared at the joint in her hand.

"Purple Haze," I smiled lazily.

"Huh, just like Jimi Hendrix," Erik laughed.

After two hits I was already starting to feel the affects. "Just try it," I urged her. Astrid was the only one who hasn't smoked. Which was kind of funny because I kind of expected Flip to be the one who didn't smoke.

We were all just lazing around when Erik suddenly had a brilliant plan. Please note the sarcasm.

"We should go to the pool," he said excitedly.

"It's closed you dumb ass," Bo shouted at Erik.

"And since when did you give a fuck about the rules. C'mon it'll be fun," he whined to the group.

I was really hoping that they would would object too. I really didn't want to go to the pool. I couldn't swim. How pathetic, right.

"Sure, I'm in," Alex said. He looked over to Astrid and she nodded her head yes.

Soon they all had agreed and were making their way out to the door.I stayed put on the bed I was sitting on.

"Aren't you coming?" Erik asked.

I shook my head no. He motioned for the others to go on.

"Please," he whined as he walked over to me. "For me," he said as he sat next to me.

I shook my head no agian.

"Why," he pouted.

I felt embarrassed telling him I can't swim. So I made up an excuse. "I don't have a swimsuit." I fucking begged that he bought it.

"So, just go in your underwear like Flip and Astrid." Fuck. That's even worse. If you can't tell by now, my self esteems isn't all that high and when it come to my body, to put it plain and simple I just feel disgusted about my body.

I shook my head no.

"Wh-" he was about to ask why when when his eyes widened a little. "Ok, I get it. I got some shorts and a shirt for you. Would you go to the pool if I give them to you?"

I shook my head no again. He really didn't get it.

"Why not." I could tell he was getting frustrated.

"I-I..can't swim," I managed to whisper.

I really hoped he couldn't hear me, but when he started laughing I knew he heard me loud and clear. "So," he said while still laughing, "Bo can't swim for shit and he's still going."

I let my head fall in embarrassment. I felt like I was back in the dream. Everyone laughing at me. I felt myself start to shake as I tried to keep myself from crying.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh," he sdi as he gentky rubbed my shoulder.

Did he feel me shake? Was I talking in my dream? Did they hear anything? Fuck! I was panicking again.

"Hey relax. There's no need to freak out. How about you hold onto me the whole time when were in the pool. And I bet that it's not even that deep so you don't even have to worry about anything."

Thank god he still thought I was freaking out about the pool.

His offer was tempting, but I was still scared about going to the pool. Every time I went to a pool something bad always happened, but that was in Texas. Back in my old life. Maybe this was different. Maybe this could be a way I could start to trust these people. If I don't get hurt in the pool, then that's a sign that they're really genuine about helping me. Maybe even indicating that they care about me.

I looked back up at Erik who was staring at me intently. I slowly nodded my head yes. He immediately jumped to his feet and dragged me towards the pool. This should be interesting.