About a Girl

"What do you want to talk about?"

I looked up to all the guys staring back at me. We were sitting at a small round table that Krist had in the 'dining room'. My eyes snapped down to the plate in front of me. Two microwavable waffles and a slice of toast. Breakfast at 10 pm. How fun. I kept telling them that I wasn't hungry, but they insisted I eat something because I haven't eaten all day. I watched the steam rise from the mug of coffee that was placed on my left.

"Chelsea." Alex's voice was assertive. I felt like a damn five year old.

"Please eat," I heard Erik plead with me.

I felt bad. Even if I don't trust someone or didn't even like them, I hate when they feel bad. I don't like other people feeling sad because of me and right now I was probably making all the guys feel bad.

I picked up the toast and took a small bite. It was dry and stale. It made me feel sick.

"Chelsea, you have to talk with us if you want this thing to work," Bo spoke gently.

Where the hell do I start. There were so many questions running through my head I felt like my mind was gonna implode. What's the real reason they asked me to join the band? What's their real thoughts on me how? How old are they? I started to feel dizzy from all the thoughts that were running through my head. I felt a hand on my hand. I was gripping the table so hard my knuckles were turning white. "How much did Adam tell y'all about me?" It hurt me to know that Adam would tell strangers my whole past.

"A lot, but not much," Alex spoke. Is that even supposed to make any sense?

"Please be more specific." My hand went to my forehead and gently touched the bump that laid above my brow. It felt swollen.

"What happened," Emil spoke as he brushed my bangs from my forehead.

"Holy fuck Chels. What did you do to yourself?" Alex yelled.

"I didn't do this to myself," I grumbled. "Now stop trying to avoid the subject." I was being a bitch.

"What happened?" Alex demanded.

"I'll go get some ice," I heard Bo speak.

"I fell. Now tell me how much Adam told y'all!" I shouted. I was being a major bitch now. I hate myself.

"Here," Bo said softly as he handed me a pack of ice. His smile was soft. I wanted my smile to be genuine, because I know he was just trying to help, but it still came out forced.

"Are you okay?" Erik softly asked.

"Fine," I snapped. "Now stop trying to avoid answering." I should be bitch of the year.

"He told us about you growing up. How you were picked on a lot and that none of your family did much to help," Alex started, "Except your dad." I guess that's not too bad. Alex already knew that I was picked on and had panic attacks. "He told us you were close to your dad and that you started taking pills at 13." Ok, they already knew I took pills and smoked. Nothing bad. "He told us when you were 14 your dad died."

I choked on the piece of waffle I had in my mouth. No. Please tell me Adam didn't tell them about my dad's death. No one is supposed to know about that. "Fuck Chelsea breathe!" Erik was patting my back as I tried to regain my breath. After my choking fit I pushed the plate away from me. I told them I wasn't hungry.

"How m-" I started but Alex quickly cut me off.

"He didn't say how. He said that you have to tell us when you're ready." I don't know if I'll ever be ready. I didn't even like Adam knowing about my dad. "He also told us that since then a lot of things have happened. That you've done a lot of shit that you'll tell us when you're ready." What make him so certain I'll tell them anything? And why the hell did Adam make it seem like I had some evil past that I had to hide? I just had some bad shit happen to me. That's all, bad shit.

"What else?" That couldn't be everything.

"That was it. He said that your life story is not for him to tell. He just told us things that we should know."

"How crazy did he make me out to be?"

"You're not crazy, just misunderstood," Erik spoke softly. My gaze was back on the plate in front of me. I only took a few bites from the waffle before I started choking and pushed it away. I gave up on the toast and drank half of the coffee. It was probably cold now and cold coffee never tasted good. If it's not steaming hot then it's not worth drinking.

What do they know about crazy? I bet they don't hear fucking voices? I need to calm down. They haven't done anything to me but be nice and give me a chance at living my dream.

They called you crazy.

I am crazy.

And I'll just have to live with that. Obviously the guys are willing to look over that and all the trouble that could happen for taking me in.

They're gonna use you.

They wanna help me.

To an early grave.

"Chelsea!"

"Huh?"

"We're going out, c'mon," Erik said as he pulled me out of the chair by my hand.

"Where?" I felt dizzy again.

"Arlene's Grocery," Alex spoke as he shrugged on a black jacket.

Arlene's Grocery? I've heard of that place. It's in the Lower East Side of New York. It's a rock club.

"Here." I looked up at Erik holding out my converse to me. When did we get back in the room? "Do you need help?"

"No." I shook my head as I sat on the bed and put them on.

"What's wrong?" Erik was kneeling in front of me, his hands on my knees.

"Nothing...lost."

"Lost in what?" His hands were rubbing my knees.

Insanity.

"Thoughts. I'm over thinking too much."

"About what?"

"I wanted to talk some more. I...I feel like I don't know y'all."

"We're gonna talk some more tomorrow, but for now, it's time to have fun." I watched as he got up and moved from my vision. I wrapped my arms around me and breathed deeply. My head still hurt. "Here." I saw a little white round pill in Erik's hand. The pill didn't look familiar at all. "Ecstasy," he answered my silent question.

"Wher-," he cut me off with his hand.

"Just open your mouth and take the pill," he ordered. I opened my mouth and he placed the pill on my tongue. I swallowed it and watched him do the same. He grabbed my hand again and dragged me back to the living room where they guys and girls stood. Where were Flip and Astrid during the little interrogation we had.

"Ready," Alex asked as he saw Erik and I enter the room. I nodded my head. "Let's go."

It took about 40 minutes to make it to the club. In that time the drugs had taken full affect and I was grinning like an idiot as I laid my head against Erik's shoulder. He was so warm and comfortable; like a teddy bear.

"Thanks, but I'd like to think of myself more as a fox," Erik smirked as he winked. Shit. I said that out loud. I need to keep my thoughts in check.

The venue was nice. When you enter there's a nice bar on the right side that reminds me of a pub you'd see in a movie. On the left are table and seats for people to sit and enjoy some beer. If you continue forward to the back you see a open room with a stage way in the back. The club was fairly packed tonight as some punk band thrashed around onstage.

I was feeling pretty amazing. I've never had ecstasy before. I think the only thing I've taken besides Xanax, Vicodin, and weed was some acid that a guy at school gave me. Asshole thought if he supplied me with drugs I'd be his fuck buddy. I mooched drugs off him for about a month before I told him to fuck off. Acid put me in a bad mood anyways. But ecstasy was something else.

I thrashed my head around with Erik and Emil. All my sense were intensified. The guitars that blared through the speakers made my ears tingle with excitement. The lights that flashed on the stage made me feel like I was dancing with the stars. Every time my arms or hands brushed against one of the guys I felt this exhilarating shock shoot through my body. Overall ecstasy has been one of the most amazing highs I've ever had. I felt free and happy. E really was a happy pill.

We arrived at the club when the last band was playing. So after a few songs Erik and Emil dragged me to the bar area where the others were already sitting and drinking. I smiled as I saw Bo waving us over. I ran over to him and hugged him.

"Whoa," Flip laughed as she watched me hug Bo, "You wanna tell us something Chels?"

I grinned stupidly. "No, but do you know that Bo gives the best hugs out of everyone." I was giggling when I told them this. They just laughed at me as Bo patted my head and said thank you. "Don't pet my head. I'm not a dog," I pouted at Bo.

"No, you're more like a little kitten," he teased. I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Aww, c'mere my little kitty," Erik cooed as he placed me on his lap. I squirmed on his lap as he wrapped his arms around my waist. "Oh god Chels, please don't do that." My eyes widened when he said that.

"C'mon Erik," I whined, "Put me down. You're a fucking pervert."

"No," he said stubbornly as his grip tightened, "You're warm. Just don't move and we'll be fine." I rolled my eyes too happy to stay mad at him. I grabbed the beer that had been placed in front of me and chugged it. I didn't realize how thirsty I was. I scanned the others as they drank and laughed when I caught Alex's gaze. He was raising a eyebrow at me. I gave him an innocent smile and asked for another beer.

We've been at the club for about 4 hours now and I was still feeling the effects of the pill. My dad told me once that a high on E could last from 4 to 10 hours. It just depended on the pill. I wonder what Erik gave me? I hope he gave me at least a four hour one. I really don't wanna feel like this for 10 hours. Although that would be pretty awesome and I won't deny that I love the way I feel, but that's just too long.

"Hey! Are you even listening to me?"

"What!" I shouted suddenly snapped out of my thoughts. Shit! I'm thinking. Why am I thinking?

"Hey, are you alright?" It was Alex who was yelling at me.

"Yeah. Why?" I could feel my fingers start to drum against the table.

"You look scared," Alex shouted. Scared? Why would I be scared? I felt my knee bouncing beneath the table.

"You need to pee or something?" Erik spoke against my ear. I felt myself flinch at the sudden contact.

"Uh..I-I n-need air. It's h-hot," I managed to stutter out. He unwrapped his arms from my waist and I quickly stood up. "Uh, d-do you h-have your cig-cigarettes," I asked Erik. He nodded his head as he reached into his pocket and fished out a pack and a lighter. I felt eyes on me. I turned my head to the left and saw a guy staring at me. His eyes held unspeakable things.

"Here." I snapped my head back to Erik who was holding out his pack and lighter.

"Thanks," I mumbled before rushing my way out of the club. The cool breeze of New York was a relief as I felt a soft breeze brush my bangs. There was a bouncer by the entrance who gave me a smile and a nod. I smiled slightly at him and walked along the building sitting on the ground. I really don't look that old do I? I shook my head and lit up. I let the nicotine fill me as I felt my sudden nerves relax. But I still felt my anxiety creeping up on me.

Now I know the reason why my dad said ecstasy was not the drug for me. The comedown was fucking torture. He said that one of his friends suffered panic attacks weekly because of the pill. I tried to calm myself down avoiding any thought of a panic attack.

"Hey." My head snapped up to see that guy who was staring at me in the club. Oh god please don't get a panic attack. "Mind if I sit beside you?" I couldn't speak. My mind was racing with all the possible scenarios that could happen with this stranger. "I'll take that as a yes," he smirked, "My friends always say I can leave a girl speechless," he bloated as he lit up a cigarette. "Especially after I take them home," I felt him whisper against my neck. That was my cue to get up and get away from as quick as possible.

I managed to get to my feet and turn away, but I was quickly tugged back by my arm. The stranger had a tight grip on my arm. I felt my heart slam against my chest and I knew that my chest was heaving up and down from my rapid breaths. "Whoa, you're pretty quick there," he spoke lowly as he pushed me up against the wall, "But I'm quicker."

"P-please don-" he cut me off when he pressed his finger against my lips. I looked to my left to see the bouncer had left. Just my fucking luck. He had his body pushed up against mine while one hand held my wrist together. I couldn't move. I kept struggling against him but they were fruitless attempts. His other hand cupped my face as his face hovered over mine.

"You are absolutely stunning. Do you know that?" he spoke as his mouth ran along my neck. I felt tears sting my eyes and blurred my vision. I could hardly breathe and I felt my head spinning. The hand that was cupping my face began to slide down my body. Oh god please someone help me. Where are the guys? Where's that fucking bouncer?

I tried to scream but all that came out was a choked sob. I felt his hand reach the hem of my shirt and he slipped his fingers under. His touch made me feel disgusting. I wanted to throw up. I felt him sucking at my neck making a disgusting groaning sound. "Good you taste so good," he spoke. "You feel pretty good too," he said as I felt his clammy hand slide up my stomach to my breast. I kept thrashing around, but no longer from him touching me, I was having a panic attack.

I felt myself tremble uncontrollably against him as I felt my heart pound into my chest. I could no longer breathe and I began to hyperventilate. My vision was completely blurry and I felt like I was gonna pass out any second. Oh god! What if I do pass out? Then this creep can do whatever he wants to me. My mind was racing and then...nothing. Everything went blank.

Where are they now?