About a Girl

It's crazy how quickly time seems to fly by. It seemed like only yesterday I was in my room completely distraught with my life. I was going nowhere. I had given up on school, on family, and I seriously was contemplating on whether living was even a choice anymore. As much as I hate to admit it, Adam was right about me doing something really stupid if the guys never came along. If they never offered me the chance to be in the band and travel with them, I really don't know if I'd be alive right now. But here I am a month later living in an apartment in Stockholm, Sweden and oddly content with life. At least I feel content. I really do still wish Adam was here.

Erik and Emil had given me free reign over how I'd like to decorate my room. I really didn't know what to do. I never was one for interior design. Give me a room with a bed and I was happy. So Flip and Astrid took me out shopping for clothes and accessories. At first I really didn't want to go. I hated shopping. Too many people and when I was younger, I'd always managed to get lost and wound up crying in the corner till my dad found me. But somehow they managed to convince me saying that it would be a good way to bond with them not only as girls, but friends. I think the friend part was what convinced me. I never had a girl friend. Adam was my only friend.

The shopping trip was interesting to say the least. They took me to a mall that was pretty big. We first went to a boutique that sold 'alternative apparel', as Astrid put it. Think of Spencer's and Hot Topic, but ten times better. They bought me two pairs of Tripp pants, some more band shirts, and, against my will and pleads, a dress. I told them, begged with them not to buy me the dress. That it'd be an absolute waste of money that they could spend on themselves. I hated, no I despised dresses. My mother dressed me in them religiously when I was baby. As soon as I had a say in what I could wear, I threw out all skirts and dresses and replaced them with baggy jeans and shirts.

"Please don't do this to me," I pleaded. I knew I was overreacting, but I truly am serious when I say I despise dresses.

"It's just one dress, Chels," Flip tired to reason with me.

"It's not like we're making you wear it out on the corner," Astrid teased.

"You really know how to make someone feel at ease," I spat sarcastically.

"I try my best," she smiles. "Now go in and fucking try it on," she said as she pushed me into the dressing room.

I breathed in deeply. Astrid's right. It's not like they're making me go out in public with it on, they just want me to try it on.

And call you ugly.

I shut my eyes and clench my fists tightly as the voice resonates through my mind.

Remember that one dress when you were six.

I quickly reach into my pockets and pull out two Percocet's. Hugo was proving to be a worthy friend. He knew all the right people to get the fix I was running low on and had no problem with sharing. Once I swallowed the the pills dry I began taking off my clothes till I was in my underwear. I couldn't help but stare at my reflection in the mirror.

I had curves, I won't deny that. My dad would always say he dreaded the day my body began to fill out. Big breasts, fairly sized ass, and the hour glass figure graced the genetics of the women in my dad's family. It was a curse as he put it. And I saw it as a curse too, but what I hated most about my body was the fat. I always had a bump. I think I used to be almost 200 hundred when I was little, but dropped to about 150 after my dad died. I hated myself and everything about me. I couldn't eat or sleep; I could go almost six days without any food or sleep. I was always going somewhere getting as much drugs as I could to ease the pain. At first I was happy with the sudden weight loss. I felt like I could look at myself in the mirror without a look of disgust. But it didn't last long. I still had fat and I still hated myself. And when Adam saw that I was skipping meals and basically slowly killing myself, he took control and made sure that everyday I ate something. He even went as far as to tie me to a chair and force me to eat. I looked back at the mirror and pushed a finger into my ghostly pale stomach. I watched as my finger pushed into the fat and jiggled as I pulled away. I traced the scars that ran across my stomach. Adam would kill me if he ever saw them. I felt like I was gonna throw up.

"Chelsea, are you alright," Flips concerned voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I jumped in surprise and fell back hitting my head on one of the hooks that were connected to the wall.

"Motherfucker," I whispered harshly.

"Chelsea," Flip said sounding worried, "Are you okay." I bit my lip harshly to keep the obscenities that tried to slip from my lips.

"I'm fine," I managed to mutter out.

"Okay, do you need any help."

"No," I rubbed the back of my head hoping nothing red appeared on my fingers. "Just give me a sec." I pulled my fingers back and found that they were clear and dry. I let out a breath of relief and straightened myself out. I saw that my eyes were droopy and I had a lopsided grin. Percocet did wonders.I finally looked at the dress the was hanging from the hook that hit my head. I snatched up the dress angrily and put it on. Again, I looked at myself in the mirror. I stared at the plaid black and red dress that was on me. It reached about mid thigh and showed off my cleavage. It had black straps and clung tightly at the waist, but spread out towards the bottom. It was a pretty dress, but I'd never be able to wear it out in public. Not with that ugly bulge that pressed out in the front.

"Is it on?" Astrid asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Well then come out already. We wanna see it," I head Flip shout. Reluctantly, I open the door and step out a little.

"Wow," Astrid said her eyes widening a little.

"You look beautiful Chels," Flip exclaimed as she pulled me closer and gave me a hug.

"Uh, thanks, I guess." I really didn't know what to say. I felt so exposed. I could feel the cool air hit my chest and arms giving me goosebumps. I wasn't used to that. Then out of nowhere, I hear a wolf whistle. I look to my right to see a guy staring right at me with a smirk. I feel my cheeks warm up as i quickly go back in the dressing room and slam the door shut. I wish the full affect would kick in already.

"Chelsea, are you alright!" Flips frantic voice sounds through the room. I slapped my palm against my forehead cursing myself for making things seem worse than they are. I mean, he was checking me out; that's supposed to be a good thing, right. I groan in frustration while I take the dress off and put my clothes back on. Baggy jeans and a Pixie shirt two sizes too big; just how all my clothes should be. I put the dress on it's hanger and walk out to see Astrid and Flip with worried faces. I tried to give them a reassuring smile, but it came out forced and weak. They give me weak smiles back.

"We're buying the dress," Astrid said.

"Please don't," I plead pathetically. "Y'all are already buying me pants and shirts, the dress is too much anyways." They both ignored me as they took the rest of the clothes and the dress to the check out. After they paid for the clothes we went to the food court. We all decided on pizza and quickly found a table to sit at.

"I don't know why you're so reluctant to wear a dress? You look so hot in one," Astrid starts.

"I have to agree," Flip said. "You shouldn't hide behind such big clothes. You have a pretty body for a 16 year old. Imagine how you'll look when you reach full womanhood."

"Womanhood is a state of mind," I mumbled as I stared down at the slice of pizza on my plate swim in a pool of grease. I saw Flip place her hand over mine. She gave me a smile and was about to open her mouth when her gaze was quickly directed to something in back of me. I watched her small smile turn into a smirk. I looked behind me to see the same guy from the dressing room walking over to us. "Oh god, please walk past us," I mutter as I put my face in my hands. I could hear Astrid and Flip giggle.

"Afternoon ladies," he spoke smoothly. His accent was thick and deep. I looked up at him and smiled politely. He had short black hair that was perfectly messy, brown eyes, and from what I could see from his arms, well defined muscles. I watched as Astrid and Flip eyed him like candy. He was hot, but I didn't find him attractive at all. He was just some random stranger that probably only wanted a fuck. "I'm Victor," he said as he reached out a hand. Flip and Astrid shook his hand as they introduced themselves. Then he looked down at me.

"Di," I softly smiled as I shook his hand. It's been agreed that the guys will continue to call me by my real name, but everyone out of the band, excluding Hugo, will know me by Diane or Di for short. I was surprised when he held onto my hand and brought it to his lips. I should have been blushing and freaking out, but I was finally feeling the affects of the Percocet and was too far in the high that I didn't care anymore.

"I must say I really do hope you bought that dress," he smirked as he let go of my hand.

"I must say you're a real creeper," I smirk back. I could tell that he wasn't expecting that by the way he began coughing out of nowhere. I couldn't help but giggle as he tried to control himself. "I don't know 'bout y'all, but I'm fucking tired. Can we hurry and finish this shopping trip?" I spoke as Victor's coughing fit began to subside.

"Uh..that sounds like a good idea," Astrid quickly says as her and Flip rise from their chairs.

"Nice meeting you," I say sweetly as we began walking towards the other the side of the mall.
***************************
"So how was your girls day out," Erik asked as I entered the apartment with three bags.

"Uh..interesting," I replied. I take the bags to the my bedroom and dump the bags on the bed to deal with later. I walked back out to the living room and see Emil and Erik eating pizza. I felt momentarily sick as I remembered the pizza at the mall that I didn't even touch. I sat on the couch folding my legs underneath me. Emil offers me a slice but I shake my head no.

"Did you eat already?" Erik asks. I nodded my head. I know I shouldn't lie, but I couldn't help it. "So what'd you get?"

"Stuff," I shrugged. "Clothes, a blanket, stuff for the room."

"Sounds exciting," Emil said sarcastically. I smile and leaned back in the couch watching some random horror movie that was playing on the TV.

"Oh!" Erik shouted. "I have news. One, we're going to start writing new music and Alex wants us all to meet at his apartment tomorrow morning. And second, Adam called." I was about to ask him for his cell phone when he tossed it to me.

"Thanks," I smile and go back to the my room. I quickly dial Adam's number and he picked up on the fourth ring.

"Hey," he answers.

"Hey, Erik said you called earlier."

"Yeah, Erik also said you went shopping," I could hear the slight shock in his voice.

"Don't try to change the subjects, what did you call for."

"Your mom came home." I almost dropped the phone.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Well, has she noticed?" Would she even care if I was gone?

"Uh..." he was stalling. I know he was.

"Brutal truth, please," I said.

"She called my parents asking if I knew where you were. Told them I haven't talked to you in weeks. They think you're either dead in a ditch or living in a crack house."

"Did she even talk about..." I didn't know what I was trying to say.

"Talk about what Chelsea? How she wishes you'd come back home and tell her you love her?" I cringed at the harness in his voice. "You know fully well that the only thing she loves is herself. It's best if she thinks you're dead. You can live your life the way you want to now."

I closed my eyes at his words. A small tear escaped from the corner of my eye, but I quickly wiped it away. He was right, I shouldn't cry over her. I shouldn't cry over a family I never had. I can live freely now. I don't have to worry about anybody ever finding me because nobody would even bother. I'm free to live the life I always wanted to live. And have new friends to live my life with. Friends who care about me.

"Thank you Adam."

"Just don't forget about me, okay."

"I could never forget about you Adam."

"I'll talk to later."

"Okay, bye." I pushed the end button and laid back on the bed sighing softly.

"What's happening," I heard Erik ask. I looked up to see him leaning against the door frame.

"I'm free."