About a Girl
Freaking Out
We all jammed out for about 30 minutes on different songs before Alex started asking me questions.
"So, how long have you been playing bass?"
"Um..'bout 4 years."
"Cool. And how long have you been playing in front of audiences?"
"Uh...1 year."
"So you have some experience?"
I nodded my head.
He nodded his head. He looked like he was deep in thought. All the guys looked like they were deep in thought.
"How good are you with improv?" Bo asked.
Why were they asking such weird questions? "Umm..I guess alright. I play in my school's jazz band and one of our test was to improv right on the spot. I got the highest grade in the class." Shit. I realized I said 'play', as in present tense. I still didn't know if they knew how old I really was.
"You were in jazz band," Erik exclaimed. I guess they didn't notice.
"Yeah. I was mainly the piano player, but some guy had a hissy fit saying he wanted to play piano, so I decided to just go back to bass."
They all nodded their heads. Again, they all seemed deep in thought. After a few moments of awkward silence Alex finally broke it.
"Wanna learn some of our songs?"
I didn't think about what he said. I just immediately said yes.
****************************************************
An hour later it was time for the guys soundcheck. I really didn't want to go watch them because I've seen and been apart of many soundchecks before and they were always pretty boring. So I stayed with Astrid and Flip. This would be the first time I would be alone with them.
I know this sounds stupid, but I never really got along with girls. I may have just been paranoid because all the girls I knew would always make fun of me, but I never felt comfortable around them. I'd always find myself being more comfortable around boys. I fit in with them more than I do with girls. Which is one of the reasons why Adam was the only person I hung around with and considered a friend.
"So Chelsea, how are you enjoying your little mini tour?" Flip asked me. She talked with such a motherly voice. Made me wish my own mother talked like that.
I smiled a small smile at her. "Fun, I guess. How can you deal with the smell and few showers?" I made a face as I thought back to the smell in the van.
Astrid started laughing. "Oh trust me," she grinned, "You get used to it." Astrid was loud when she talked, but it wasn't annoying loud. Just loud.
"When you love something so much, which in our case is the guys and the music, you learn to deal with the stuff that comes with it," Flip said with a smile on her face.
I saw that not only did they both care about the guys and the band, but they cared just as much about the music. It made me smile to know that the music was important to them. They began telling me tour stories of travelling in Europe and all the crazy shit that the guys got into. I was having a real fun time with them until Erik came running into the room.
"Chelsea," he said breathless, "Come with me."
I felt like I was frozen to the spot. "Wh-why?"
He ignored me as he grabbed me by the arm and dragged me out to the stage. When we got to the stage I saw that all the guys looked like they were waiting for me.
"What the he-," I was cut off by Alex.
"Ok. Look, Chelsea you've got to look at this with an open mind," Alex started. He was looking at me for a verification that I understood what he was saying.
I nodded my head.
"We, the whole band," he motioned towards the others, "have been thinking about this a lot for the last few hours," he paused for a moment as he looked back at the others. They all nodded in a silent agreement. "We want you to play with us tonight."
"I-I..uhh," I was shocked. I didn't know what to say. Why would they want me to play with them? It's not like I had a problem with playing, it's just why do they want me to play. I looked down at the floor suddenly finding it very interesting. I noticed that they had an extra set of pedals on the ground. Bass pedals. I followed the cable wire that led from the pedals up to an amp. They were serious, they really wanted me to play.
"We know it's sudden, but you really caught on to the songs quick and you say you can improv really good, so if you get lost all you have to do is just play what feels right," Alex said trying to persuade me.
"Uh..." I looked up to see all of them staring at me with pleading eyes. That's when I thought, "What the hell. I've never played a real metal show. All the bands I filled in for were usually soft alternative bands." I smiled at them and nodded my head.
They all smiled like they just won the lottery. "Ok," Alex said as he clapped his hands together, "Let's get this soundcheck started."
**********************************************
It was an hour till the guys were expected to go on stage. An hour till I'd be in front of about a 100 metalheads. The biggest show I've played was about 50 people. I don't know why,but I was really fucking nervous. Usually, I'd have a week worth's or practice before I went on stage. This..this was different. I only learned the songs today and...Oh fuck, what if I fuck up. What if I completely forget everything and make a complete fool of myself. Then everyone will start laughing at me. I was pulled out of my thoughts when I felt someone shaking me.
"Hey, relax. Just relax." I looked up to see Alex looking at me worried. "You're fucking shaking like crazy."
"I-I.." I was cut off when I felt my thigh vibrate. Someone was calling me. I looked down at the screen to see it was Adam. "I'll be back,'' I said as I got up and made my way outside. "Hey," I said shakily.
"Hey," he said before he paused. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I said quickly. Shit. He knew I was nervous. I need to play cool.
"Nooo," he dragged, "You're acting nervous, what's wrong?"
"I'm fucking freaking out," I screamed into the phone. I couldn't lie to him. Even if I tried he'd know I was lying and I didn't want to worry him. So I told him everything. And I mean everything.
"Ok," he said after I finished. "I need you do a few things for me,'' he said in a calming voice.
"Ok."
"First, take a few deep breaths."
I closed my eyes and breathed in and out.
"Did you do it?"
"Uh-huh."
"Ok. Now, I need you to think about the show tonight and why you are fucking crazy for being so nervous."
"But-"
"No buts," he cut me off. "You've played many times in front of many audiences. This is nothing different."
"Yes it is," I shrieked into the phone.
"No it's not," he yelled back. "You've played in front of judges, students, your family, and numerous strangers. Tonight's show is nothing different."
"But-"
"Stop saying but. Chels, you know I know you better than anyone else. I know you better than you know yourself."
"Yeah but-" I tried to cut in.
"But nothing. The only time I see you genuinely happy is when your on a stage playing. I know that you're always nervous before and you feel like you're gonna screw up and everyone's gonna laugh at you, right. "
He took my silence as a confirmation.
"But as soon as you get on that stage and start playing, you" he paused, "You feel like you're on top of the world."
He was right, he got everything right on the dot. "But before I go on stage I always have a little 'help'." He knew what I meant by 'help'.
"You don't have anything with you," he sighed. I knew he was rubbing his face in frustration.
"I've been taking the guys cigarettes, but a cigarette isn't gonna be much help."
"Do they have beer?"
He was fucking crazy. "You know I hate beer."
"You have nothing else. Either you get drunk, or you go on sober. Either way, you're going on that stage."
He was right. I didn't want to let the guys down and I couldn't go on stage sober. "Ok."
"So, how long have you been playing bass?"
"Um..'bout 4 years."
"Cool. And how long have you been playing in front of audiences?"
"Uh...1 year."
"So you have some experience?"
I nodded my head.
He nodded his head. He looked like he was deep in thought. All the guys looked like they were deep in thought.
"How good are you with improv?" Bo asked.
Why were they asking such weird questions? "Umm..I guess alright. I play in my school's jazz band and one of our test was to improv right on the spot. I got the highest grade in the class." Shit. I realized I said 'play', as in present tense. I still didn't know if they knew how old I really was.
"You were in jazz band," Erik exclaimed. I guess they didn't notice.
"Yeah. I was mainly the piano player, but some guy had a hissy fit saying he wanted to play piano, so I decided to just go back to bass."
They all nodded their heads. Again, they all seemed deep in thought. After a few moments of awkward silence Alex finally broke it.
"Wanna learn some of our songs?"
I didn't think about what he said. I just immediately said yes.
****************************************************
An hour later it was time for the guys soundcheck. I really didn't want to go watch them because I've seen and been apart of many soundchecks before and they were always pretty boring. So I stayed with Astrid and Flip. This would be the first time I would be alone with them.
I know this sounds stupid, but I never really got along with girls. I may have just been paranoid because all the girls I knew would always make fun of me, but I never felt comfortable around them. I'd always find myself being more comfortable around boys. I fit in with them more than I do with girls. Which is one of the reasons why Adam was the only person I hung around with and considered a friend.
"So Chelsea, how are you enjoying your little mini tour?" Flip asked me. She talked with such a motherly voice. Made me wish my own mother talked like that.
I smiled a small smile at her. "Fun, I guess. How can you deal with the smell and few showers?" I made a face as I thought back to the smell in the van.
Astrid started laughing. "Oh trust me," she grinned, "You get used to it." Astrid was loud when she talked, but it wasn't annoying loud. Just loud.
"When you love something so much, which in our case is the guys and the music, you learn to deal with the stuff that comes with it," Flip said with a smile on her face.
I saw that not only did they both care about the guys and the band, but they cared just as much about the music. It made me smile to know that the music was important to them. They began telling me tour stories of travelling in Europe and all the crazy shit that the guys got into. I was having a real fun time with them until Erik came running into the room.
"Chelsea," he said breathless, "Come with me."
I felt like I was frozen to the spot. "Wh-why?"
He ignored me as he grabbed me by the arm and dragged me out to the stage. When we got to the stage I saw that all the guys looked like they were waiting for me.
"What the he-," I was cut off by Alex.
"Ok. Look, Chelsea you've got to look at this with an open mind," Alex started. He was looking at me for a verification that I understood what he was saying.
I nodded my head.
"We, the whole band," he motioned towards the others, "have been thinking about this a lot for the last few hours," he paused for a moment as he looked back at the others. They all nodded in a silent agreement. "We want you to play with us tonight."
"I-I..uhh," I was shocked. I didn't know what to say. Why would they want me to play with them? It's not like I had a problem with playing, it's just why do they want me to play. I looked down at the floor suddenly finding it very interesting. I noticed that they had an extra set of pedals on the ground. Bass pedals. I followed the cable wire that led from the pedals up to an amp. They were serious, they really wanted me to play.
"We know it's sudden, but you really caught on to the songs quick and you say you can improv really good, so if you get lost all you have to do is just play what feels right," Alex said trying to persuade me.
"Uh..." I looked up to see all of them staring at me with pleading eyes. That's when I thought, "What the hell. I've never played a real metal show. All the bands I filled in for were usually soft alternative bands." I smiled at them and nodded my head.
They all smiled like they just won the lottery. "Ok," Alex said as he clapped his hands together, "Let's get this soundcheck started."
**********************************************
It was an hour till the guys were expected to go on stage. An hour till I'd be in front of about a 100 metalheads. The biggest show I've played was about 50 people. I don't know why,but I was really fucking nervous. Usually, I'd have a week worth's or practice before I went on stage. This..this was different. I only learned the songs today and...Oh fuck, what if I fuck up. What if I completely forget everything and make a complete fool of myself. Then everyone will start laughing at me. I was pulled out of my thoughts when I felt someone shaking me.
"Hey, relax. Just relax." I looked up to see Alex looking at me worried. "You're fucking shaking like crazy."
"I-I.." I was cut off when I felt my thigh vibrate. Someone was calling me. I looked down at the screen to see it was Adam. "I'll be back,'' I said as I got up and made my way outside. "Hey," I said shakily.
"Hey," he said before he paused. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I said quickly. Shit. He knew I was nervous. I need to play cool.
"Nooo," he dragged, "You're acting nervous, what's wrong?"
"I'm fucking freaking out," I screamed into the phone. I couldn't lie to him. Even if I tried he'd know I was lying and I didn't want to worry him. So I told him everything. And I mean everything.
"Ok," he said after I finished. "I need you do a few things for me,'' he said in a calming voice.
"Ok."
"First, take a few deep breaths."
I closed my eyes and breathed in and out.
"Did you do it?"
"Uh-huh."
"Ok. Now, I need you to think about the show tonight and why you are fucking crazy for being so nervous."
"But-"
"No buts," he cut me off. "You've played many times in front of many audiences. This is nothing different."
"Yes it is," I shrieked into the phone.
"No it's not," he yelled back. "You've played in front of judges, students, your family, and numerous strangers. Tonight's show is nothing different."
"But-"
"Stop saying but. Chels, you know I know you better than anyone else. I know you better than you know yourself."
"Yeah but-" I tried to cut in.
"But nothing. The only time I see you genuinely happy is when your on a stage playing. I know that you're always nervous before and you feel like you're gonna screw up and everyone's gonna laugh at you, right. "
He took my silence as a confirmation.
"But as soon as you get on that stage and start playing, you" he paused, "You feel like you're on top of the world."
He was right, he got everything right on the dot. "But before I go on stage I always have a little 'help'." He knew what I meant by 'help'.
"You don't have anything with you," he sighed. I knew he was rubbing his face in frustration.
"I've been taking the guys cigarettes, but a cigarette isn't gonna be much help."
"Do they have beer?"
He was fucking crazy. "You know I hate beer."
"You have nothing else. Either you get drunk, or you go on sober. Either way, you're going on that stage."
He was right. I didn't want to let the guys down and I couldn't go on stage sober. "Ok."