You're Safe With Me, Always.

The wall was up. That very wall kept me from ever becoming close to any being. Knowing less was more beneficial in my situation. The things I saw are things nobody should ever have to see, ever. The scars they left, the burned images embedded in my head, the fear, the rage, all left me in a fragile state. I was broken inside and out and I told myself I shouldn’t let anyone in, no matter what.
~
It was my first day at my new school and already I was late. With my schedule in hand I called for my mum to drive me. I did not want to go to a new school, that very concept was one of the things I was most afraid of. Being around so many people every day did not go well for me. So many questions, so many labels, so much information thrown at you, I dreaded the very thought of it.

Mum, after 5 minutes of rummaging through her drawers trying to find something acceptable to wear, thudded down the steps. She grabbed her purse and we headed out the door. We got in the car and drove away to Penola. She turned to look at me for a short second and turned back, “So, Emma are you excited to be getting a fresh start at your new school?”

I looked at her with a blank expression on my face, “Mum, you already know the answer to this question that you obviously didn’t think through very thoroughly.”

“I’m sorry. But why would you not be?” she tried to be innocent. She knew very well why I wasn’t all too thrilled to do this “fresh start” bullshit.

I rolled my eyes at her as we pulled up to the front of the building, “Well that was quick. See you later mum!” I kissed her cheek and hurriedly got out of the car, walking towards the doors of Penola. I turned to wave back at her as a signal to leave.

Opening the large glass doors I sighed, “Here we go.” I made my way to my first class, English.

The classroom was right in front of me. Hesitantly I touched the knob, but retracted my hand almost instantaneously. My nerves were hitting me like a heavy rock. The thought of running out of building was strong in my mind right then, but I had to face it sooner or later. The door knob was cold as I turned it and pushed open the wood door entering the room.

They all turned and looked at me slowly walking to the teacher’s desk at the opposite end of the room, “Oh hello! You must be Emma! It’s very nice to meet you. I’m Mr. Thompson, welcome to your new English class.” I smiled and shook his hand that was extended towards my midsection. “Everyone say hello to our new student, Emma.” I got unison of “hellos” from the surprisingly large class before me. “Emma, you can sit right there next to Tyla. Tyla, wave please.”

The one who apparently was Tyla waved unexcitedly from a double desk towards the back of the room, “Ah, man! I thought I’d have this desk to myself the whole semester! But at least I get to share it with a pretty girl.” I blushed deeply and walked swiftly to my new seat.

“Okay class, back to today’s lesson...” Mr. Thompson went on.

Tyla leaned over, “Welcome to Penola. As you already know, I’m Tyla, Tyla Sandiford.” He slyly took my hand in his and shook it.

“Fucking hell, Tyla, leave the poor girl alone.” The boy sitting in front of Tyla turned back at us, “Jesus, she’s been here five minutes and you’re already hitting on her?” he scoffed. “I’m Jai, by the way. If he ever gives you any trouble just tap me on this shoulder right here.” He patted his right shoulder.

“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind...” I looked down at my hands in my lap and fiddled my thumbs. Why were they talking to me? Dear god, I hoped they would stop.

The rest of that class went pretty well, actually. Well, at least according to me. I didn’t have to talk to Tyla or Jai the rest of the class period. Taking notes was a good way of getting out of conversation. I didn’t even try to look at them, knowing that if we made eye contact that would make them think I wanted to talk to them. Keeping to myself was safe and I don’t ever feel that adventurous.

The bell rang signaling the class ended. I pushed my notebook and my pencil into my backpack and headed to my second period class. Walking out the door I was overwhelmed at how many people were looking at me and whispering. I was new, not pregnant. Jesus Christ.

My next class was my Science course. When I walked in there were only a few people in class already. I walked up to the teacher and tapped her on the shoulder, “Hi, I’m Emma Williams. I’m new here.”

“Yes, Emma! Hi darling, I’m Mrs. Taylor. I have some stuff to give you.” She gave me my book and a couple papers. “Your seat is right there!” She pointed to a red chair in the middle of the room.

“Thank you, ma’am!” I slid into my chair and awaited the arrival of my table partner.
I sat there for what seemed like an hour until a boy walked in the door, “Oh fuck me. Mrs. T, why is there a girl in my seat?!” he pointed to me. My face flushed, he seemed genuinely angry.

“That girl whom is not actually in your seat, she’s in the one next to yours, is Emma, she’s new now go be nice!” she pushed the boy along.

He looked familiar when I got a good look at his face. I don’t know how the hell I would have recognized him, I moved from an entirely different state. I’d seen his face before, but then again he looked different. Then it came to me, “Jai?”

My seat partner laughed hysterically almost falling off the chair he was sitting on, “Let me take a guess, you’ve already met my brother. I’m Luke, Jai’s twin.” He continued to laugh.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I spitted out looking down.

“No, no. It’s okay, happens all the time. No need to worry.” He gave me a warm smile, peeking his head under mine.

I nodded, not knowing what to say and not wanting to say anything. “Okay,” was all I could get out.

Throughout Science I couldn’t help but feel embarrassed by thinking Luke was Jai. It was an honest mistake, but I got embarrassed too easily. I didn’t know if I liked Luke or not, he seemed very confident and a bit of a cocky asshole at times. People like him were people I didn’t take to well, but I had a feeling I would have to like him, seeing as though I would be sitting next to him for the rest of the semester.

The remaining class time flew by; I quickly got out of my seat as the bell rang and walked to my following class, Math. That class was more boring than watching cheese melt. I, thankfully, didn’t have Luke, Tyla or Jai in that class. No one made the effort to talk to me either, which was a huge relief. Although I didn’t necessarily enjoy Math, I was good at it. Mum liked to call me the “smarty-pants” of the family.

Math and French class seemed to mesh together and it was finally the last period of my first day at Penola. And it was the class I was most excited for, Media. I had a passion for film-making, but never had any opportunity to pursue it. Hoping to change that, I crept into the large class filled with Apple desktop computers. Mr. Robinson approached me as I entered and told me to wait to take my seat so he could introduce me to the entire class. The starting class bell rang and everyone was sitting, staring at me. I saw movement to my right and looked over to see Tyla, Jai, and Luke waving at me. I shook my head, pinching the bridge of my nose with my forefinger and my thumb.

“Everyone, this is Emma! She’s new so help her out as much as you can.” He patted my shoulder, “I see you already know Jai, Luke, and Tyla, why don’t you go sit by them. You can sit wherever you’d like though.” I smiled at Mr. Robinson, tucking a piece of my strawberry blonde hair behind my ear, and took a seat by Jai.

I told myself that the wall I put up would stay up. No one should ever gain entrance. I tried keeping to myself, but sitting next to these fools was making that hard. Tyla piped up, “So fancy seeing you here again. How was your day, beautiful?” Jai smacked his arm.

“It was good, I guess. But I’d like to get back to the assignment, sorry.” Jai and Luke busted out laughing. A small grin made its way to my face.

“SHOT DOWN!” Luke yelled holding his stomach, still laughing.

I did what I said I would and kept to myself the entire class period. I could feel the occasional looks from the boy whom I was sitting next to. I wondered what he was doing. Was there something in my hair?