Plans of A Would-Be Dictator
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"One day, I will rule the world."
"Huh? Oh, please."
"No, I'm serious. I'll be the new HItler, no, better. I'll build an Empire better than Rome, better than Alexander the Great's, even better than Egypt."
"And how are you gonna do that?"
"First, I'll pick out my temporary allies."
"Temporary?"
"Yes, meaning I'll get rid of them once I'm done. Of course I'm not stupid - I'll leave a good number of soldiers just in case the slaves rebel… Don't want a Spartacus happening now do we?"
"Ouch… harsh."
"You can't be fair or nice if you're a dictator."
"I can tell…"
"ANyway. I'll get allies. Loads of them. I'll destroy city by city, country by country, till there are only a select amount of people left on the entire planet…"
"And what are you gonna do with the others?"
"Kill."
"And with the bodies?"
"Burn most… but leave the rest. I ain't burning 6 and a half billion people."
"Wow, so you're just going to like… leave bodies around… everywhere?"
"Yep."
"Wow… Won't it smell?"
"Oh, no, of course not. I'll leave them far away from my chosen place for the Empire. They can rot naturally."
"Eugh."
"Anyway… I'll take a thousand people as slaves. Seven hundred men, three hundred women."
"Why so?"
"To reproduce. Have babies, give me more slaves, you know?"
"Why not half each?"
"Not enough work will be done. They'll be working for me, making food, clothing, all that. Don't interrupt me."
"Sorry."
"Where was I up to? Ah, yes. Two hundred more I'll take as citizens, a hundred people for experiments and sex slaves-"
"What?!"
"You heard me. Shut up or I'll add you into that bunch… I'll use them for science, for doctors, find diseases and cure my people. Then I'll take seventy more for court for royalty purposes and all that. Those seventy will be my friends. We'll have wild awesome parties and celebrate each day. I'll also take about ten president-like general figures through whom I'll control the land and people. They will answer to me and only."
"So what happens if one of them turns against you?"
"They won't. I'll make them swear an oath of loyalty, then if they turn against me, I'll burn their families alive… or use other torture methods. Which brings me to say, I'll probably get a bit more slaves to be fighters, like gladiators or something. That'll be the entertainment also."
"Jesus…"
"Nobody will be a religion believer. They will have only one god and that will be me."
"So like, you'll expect them to pray to you?"
"No, worship."
"Ah…."
"I'll dress them like the people from the Capitol in the Hunger Games books… For variety and colour… Homosexuality will be as even as heterosexuality in the population… I'll probably have about one hundred people for movies and songs and what not too. I need entertainment. I'll keep my favourite singers and actors and they will perform for me."
"For you? And this plan, boy, it sounds… unrealistic."
"Unrealistic? Are you kidding me? I have allies who will support me already!"
"Armies?"
"No… not yet."
"Hm. Thought so."
"But they will be! In a year at least."
"That's quite long…"
"I know. Dictatorship doesn't just happen in one evening. I need plans that will work."
"Well… good luck with that. And one question."
"Yes?"
"What about me?"
"You, my friend, can be one of the top seventy… Unless you displease me."
"And then?"
"You can join the thousands and wash my shoes."
"Huh? Oh, please."
"No, I'm serious. I'll be the new HItler, no, better. I'll build an Empire better than Rome, better than Alexander the Great's, even better than Egypt."
"And how are you gonna do that?"
"First, I'll pick out my temporary allies."
"Temporary?"
"Yes, meaning I'll get rid of them once I'm done. Of course I'm not stupid - I'll leave a good number of soldiers just in case the slaves rebel… Don't want a Spartacus happening now do we?"
"Ouch… harsh."
"You can't be fair or nice if you're a dictator."
"I can tell…"
"ANyway. I'll get allies. Loads of them. I'll destroy city by city, country by country, till there are only a select amount of people left on the entire planet…"
"And what are you gonna do with the others?"
"Kill."
"And with the bodies?"
"Burn most… but leave the rest. I ain't burning 6 and a half billion people."
"Wow, so you're just going to like… leave bodies around… everywhere?"
"Yep."
"Wow… Won't it smell?"
"Oh, no, of course not. I'll leave them far away from my chosen place for the Empire. They can rot naturally."
"Eugh."
"Anyway… I'll take a thousand people as slaves. Seven hundred men, three hundred women."
"Why so?"
"To reproduce. Have babies, give me more slaves, you know?"
"Why not half each?"
"Not enough work will be done. They'll be working for me, making food, clothing, all that. Don't interrupt me."
"Sorry."
"Where was I up to? Ah, yes. Two hundred more I'll take as citizens, a hundred people for experiments and sex slaves-"
"What?!"
"You heard me. Shut up or I'll add you into that bunch… I'll use them for science, for doctors, find diseases and cure my people. Then I'll take seventy more for court for royalty purposes and all that. Those seventy will be my friends. We'll have wild awesome parties and celebrate each day. I'll also take about ten president-like general figures through whom I'll control the land and people. They will answer to me and only."
"So what happens if one of them turns against you?"
"They won't. I'll make them swear an oath of loyalty, then if they turn against me, I'll burn their families alive… or use other torture methods. Which brings me to say, I'll probably get a bit more slaves to be fighters, like gladiators or something. That'll be the entertainment also."
"Jesus…"
"Nobody will be a religion believer. They will have only one god and that will be me."
"So like, you'll expect them to pray to you?"
"No, worship."
"Ah…."
"I'll dress them like the people from the Capitol in the Hunger Games books… For variety and colour… Homosexuality will be as even as heterosexuality in the population… I'll probably have about one hundred people for movies and songs and what not too. I need entertainment. I'll keep my favourite singers and actors and they will perform for me."
"For you? And this plan, boy, it sounds… unrealistic."
"Unrealistic? Are you kidding me? I have allies who will support me already!"
"Armies?"
"No… not yet."
"Hm. Thought so."
"But they will be! In a year at least."
"That's quite long…"
"I know. Dictatorship doesn't just happen in one evening. I need plans that will work."
"Well… good luck with that. And one question."
"Yes?"
"What about me?"
"You, my friend, can be one of the top seventy… Unless you displease me."
"And then?"
"You can join the thousands and wash my shoes."