In You I Taste God

Ava sat in the dim eyesore that was the living room in Diablo's house. The room made her feel even more smothered than she already did, and it was making her anxious. She needed to get out.

She had called Diablo, her long time lover, twenty minutes prior saying she needed to "talk". The plan was for him to come over to her apartment, so she could end things. But of course, Diablo insisted on her coming to his house, saying he was too sick. Meaning he was too doped up to leave the house.

Diablo had been smothering Ava for months. Constantly wanting to fix what others complained about and often found as flaws in Ava. Anytime she made an attempt to leave, he would nearly fall to his knees and sob at her feet begging her to stay. And of course, she would. But deep down, underneath the feeling of Diablo's stability depending upon her and the suffocation, she felt like his near obsession blinded him. As if her lies, deception, cruelty, and countless other things that everyone else knew about her was either completely irrelevant to Diablo, or he just was unable to let himself see it. And she couldn't continue to let him feel like she was a goddess, that she was perfection; while in all reality she was hurting him. And if that meant she needed to end their relationship, so be it.

He came out of the kitchen smiling with two tea cups, one in each hand. This was one thing he always remembered about Ava, she loved black chai tea.

She carefully took the porcelain cup from him, letting an appreciative smile slip through.

"So, what do you need to talk about, love?" he said to her, sipping from his cup.

Ava took a breath and set her cup down on the table in front of them, inadvertently putting distance between the two of them as she re-took her position on the couch.

"I don't think we can be together anymore, Di."

The words rang in his ears, having trouble registering in his brain. "I don't think we can be together anymore." were the words he'd been fearing would slip out of Ava's perfect pale pink lips for months. His heart beat quickened, his stomach dropped. Desperation, panic, and confusion all ran through him at once.

A nervous laugh slipped out. "Wh-what? What do you mean, we can't be together anymore?"

She sighed. "What it means, Diablo. We can't be together anymore. I feel too..under pressure."

"Under pressure? Explain. Baby please, I can fix anything. Just tell me what to do."

"This is exactly what I'm talking about." she feared to continue her explanation, but continued anyways. "I feel like if I as so much upset you in the slightest, you'll fly off the handle and blame yourself for everything. I feel like your entire life depends on me staying in this relationship. And I can't handle that anymore."

Diablo couldn't believe what he was hearing. At this point, he wasn't even listening. He was staring at the wall behind her head, the feelings of desperation and panic rapidly increasing. She was serious this time. There was no way to bring her back. His angel, his goddess; she was leaving him.

"Ava, no. No that's not true. Please. You're my angel, my ev-"

She quickly cut him off, "No, I'm really not. I'm not your angel. Diablo do you not see what I do to people. I lie, cheat, steal. Anything, you name it."

"So? We can fix it. Make you more perfect, please baby."

She stood up, making her way for the door. "No. I'm really sorry Diablo. But I just can't anymore. I love you, but I just can't."

Suddenly, the desperation and panic were washed away by rage. Intense, uncontrollable rage. He launched forward, grabbing onto her frail shoulders, throwing her onto the ground. Her head met with the glass coffee table, sending shards of glass everywhere, her head almost immediately bleeding profusely.

He stood in shock, staring at what he had done. He fell to his knees, trying to see if she was still alive.

"Ava? Ava darling, please I'm sorry please."

Shallow breaths followed, and panic surfaced in her dull eyes. He wrapped her up in his arms and ran to the bathroom, placing her on the cool linoleum floor, removing her coat, only to see a shard of glass had penetrated into her chest. The blood ran down from her head onto her face, neck, meeting with the blood from the stab wound, bleeding into her sheer white lace shirt.

Diablo knew he couldn't call 911. He had done this. He had done this to his angel. Ava was going to die on his bathroom floor. The familiar feeling of desperation and panic washed over him yet again, and big fat tears began to roll down his cheeks, the tears progressing into sobs. Ava laid on the floor, expressionless, not being able to speak, the only sign of life was her sharp shallow breaths.

He ran his hands through her bloody hair, kissing her forehead and apologizing over and over, whispering sweet things to her in Spanish.

Suddenly, an idea came into his mind. He stood up and reached into the medicine cabinet, pulling out his shaving razor. He popped the blade out quickly, and without thinking; cut deep, vertical lines into his wrists.

Blood came out as quickly and profusely as Ava's. He fell back to his knees and laid next to her, resting his head on her stomach. His sobs played along with her sharp breaths.

"I love you Ava, I'm so sorry for all of this. I'm so sorry."

In that moment, she found enough strength and a sliver of life to cling to just long enough to say "I love you too, I'm sorry too." in between sharp breaths.

"We will never be apart."