You Mean More to Me Than Words Could Ever Say

The next morning I woke up to an empty house. I dragged myself off the couch, wincing as I noticed I had a pounding headache. I called out to Gerard and Mikey but got no answer. I went right upstairs to check their rooms, but no one was home. It was just me. Then I realized it was Tuesday, and everyone was at school. Gerard probably told them I had drank so they knew I’d be hung over and let me sleep. I was thankful, but now I felt awkward because I was in their home. I went to the bathroom, and when I washed my hands, I saw in the mirror that I couldn’t even fully open my eyes. I trudged down the steps and headed for the kitchen. When I walked in, I almost had a heart attack.

Elena was there, hanging her keys on the key rack and putting her purse and groceries on the table. She whirled around and looked at me, not surprised at all.

“Oh, good morning dear! Or should I say good afternoon.” She chuckled. I looked over at the time on the microwave. It was just after 12.

“Good afternoon... did you know I was here?” I asked. She nodded.

“Yes, I woke up around the same time as the boys, and they said to let you sleep because you didn’t feel well. But I am no dummy. Judging by how you can’t look directly at me and you have dark circles under your eyes, I can tell you drank last night.” She didn’t look angry, but instead looked like she was searching for an answer.

I sheepishly looked at my feet.

“Yeah... I’m sorry...” I murmured. She put her hand under my chin, forcing me to look at her.

“Now dear, don’t you be sorry. You’re an adult and everyone handles their problems differently.” I raised my eyebrows at her.

“How’d you know I drank ‘cause I was upset?” I asked her. She smiled sweetly.

“Well dear, none of the other boys drank, I can tell that, and who just drinks on their own for the heck of it? So, are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?” I looked at her a moment, contemplating on whether or not to say ‘nothings bothering me.’ But Elena’s far too wise for that. She would know if I was lying. I took a deep breath.

“I’m not... I don’t know.” I told her.

“Oh, I think you know dear. Sit down, we’ll talk.” Elena said as she pulled out a chair at the table for me. I sat down as she settled herself in.

“I want you to know that whatever you tell me I’ll keep to myself, I don’t share other’s secrets because I don’t believe in that.” She looked me in the eyes, and I could see she was telling the truth.

“What if it’s about someone you know and share everything with?” I asked, unable to refrain, thinking about how close her and Gerard might be. She raised her eyebrows, catching on, and then placed her hand over mine.

“Like I said Frank, you can trust me.” I nodded and she brought her hand back. She stared at me patiently, and I finally gave in.

“Well, I, I’m confused.” I began. She didn’t say anything, but instead urged me to go on.

“See... I’m starting to crush on a...guy.” I felt like a child saying ‘crush.’ Elena didn’t even flinch.

“Well, I think I am. I never had feelings towards guys before. So this scares me.” She nodded.

“Well, how did you start realizing you might’ve had feelings for this boy?” I took a deep breath, thinking to myself before explaining.

“I, uhm. Well now that I think back... I guess I always had been interested. When I first met him I wanted to impress him despite the way he treated me. And a couple times I brushed past him and it felt nice. I even had a dream about him. And now, recently, I realized I like being close to him. And when I think about kissing him, or something like that, it doesn’t really scare me... it makes me curious.” I rambled, and she nodded slowly, before smiling.

“You sound like Gerard did.” What?

“What do you mean...?” I asked. Elena stared out the window, still smiling, before looking back at me.

“You sound like Gerard had when he told me he was gay.” ...Gerards gay?

“But I’m not gay... I do like girls.” I told her.

“Well hun, you may be a bisexual, but to me it sounds like this boy is your one exception.”

“What do you mean my one exception?” She smiled.

“Well, sometimes there may be a boy who is completely straight. He never thinks about guys, or has feelings towards them. But then one day he meets a boy who changes that. This one boy is his exception. His loophole.” She explained. I felt realization hit me.

“Yeah, that sounds like my situation.” I told her. She nodded.

“You see, with Gerard, he had always been gay. He had a couple girlfriends but it never went anywhere. Then one day his friend back at his old town kissed him. And then he realized why it never worked with the girls.” She explained. I nodded, still wrapping my head around the fact that he’s gay. Elena saw was I lost in thought. She patted my hand then got up and started putting away the groceries. I let my thoughts settle.

Gerard’s my loophole.