You Mean More to Me Than Words Could Ever Say

I got home and went upstairs, slamming the door on the way in. My mom wasn't home, thank god. We've been ignoring each other the past couple of days. She looks at my neck when I walk by all guilty and sympathetic like. Maybe she actually feels sorry.

I turned on my stereo at full blast, and laid down on my bed. The sound of The Misfits blared through out my room as I stared out my window. Right now, I'm confused. I'm sexually attracted to Gerard, but I'm not emotionally attracted... I can picture myself getting in bed with him, but I can't picture loving him, holding his hand, or being his "boyfriend." That just sounds so far away and impossible. I was starting to rethink this whole "loophole" thing. Maybe I'm just curious. Maybe he's not really my one exception.

X~x~X~x~X

Sometime later I woke up, realizing I fell asleep. The stereo was still on at full blast, playing Black Flag. I dragged myself out of bed and went over to turn it off. Peering outside the window, I saw mom still wasn't home. I decided to call up the guys and go out to eat or something. I was fucking starving. I dialed Bob's number, and he answered at the first ring.

"Frank!" he exclaimed. I chuckled.

"Jeez, it barely rang!"

"Well I'm just sitting on my bed bored as fuck. So I'm glad you called." he explained. I nodded although he couldn't see me.

"Heh. Well. Want to get all the guys together and go out to eat?" I heard his bed creak.

"Hell yes! I'm getting up now! Fucking starving." I laughed.

"When aren't you... so where will we go?" I asked.

"The fast food place down the street from my house? I know it has vegetarian shit for you."

"Alright. I'll call up the guys. Seeya."

"I'll call Ray for you. Bye." He hung up as I dialed the Way's house number. Elena answered.

"Hello?" She asked sweetly. I smiled.

"Hi Elena! It's Frank."

"Oh Frankie dear! How can I help you?"

"Can I speak to one of the boys?" I asked her, not knowing who to ask to speak with.

"Well, Gerard's in the shower, want me to put Mikey on?" I felt relieved.

"Yes please."

"Wait one minute dear." I smiled to myself.

"Thanks." After a few moments, Mikey answered.

"Hey Frank what's up?" He asked, sounding excited for some reason.

"I was wondering if you and Gerard wanted to go out to eat with Bob, Ray and I."

"Yes! I'd love to. I know Gerard would too." I could hear the smile in his voice as he replied. He
sounded so excited and expectant.

"Right...well. Bye." I said, unsure of myself.

"Wait! Where are we going?"

"Oh, right... the place by Bob's, by the school." I told him, not remembering the name.

"Okay sounds good! I'll tell Gerard!" He said, energetic and hyper. He hung up before even saying goodbye. Something wasn't right, Mikey sounded like something was going on. I shrugged it off and got a shower. Then I threw on slim fight faded jeans with a stud belt and a plain black tee. I trimmed my bangs, they had gotten a bit long. Now they were right at my eye like they used to be. As I brushed them, letting them do their weird little curve, I was satisfied. If only it weren't for my bandaged neck. However, there were no dark circles under my eyes today, so I actually looked healthy and not zombie like.

I texted Mikey, Bob, and Ray saying to be there around 8. I didn't have Gerard's number so I couldn't text him. Looking at the clock, I saw it was already 7:50, so I hauled ass and got to my truck, starting it up and heading to the place. Everyone texted back saying they were on their way. As I approached the place, I waited in my truck for them to get there. Around five after, Gerard pulled in with Mikey in the passenger seat. I got out and stood on the sidewalk.

"Hey!" Mikey yelled, walking over with Gerard trailing behind.

"Hey Mikes. Hi Gee." I said. I don't know where I got the nickname from. Gerard looked up and
smiled genuinely.

"Hi Frank." I smiled and Mikey just stood there with a stupid smile on his face. He kept looking back from the two of us, and it was really bothering me.

"Mikey, what's up?" I asked him. He just kept smiling.

"Nothing." I nodded, not believing him. Gerard looked at him and rolled his eyes, letting out an annoyed sigh.

"Well you seem excited or something. What for?" He just smiled at his feet.

"It's nothing." I nodded.

"Whatever you say..." Gerard was quiet. Bob pulled in, and Ray did shortly after. I was thankful, an awkward silence had fallen over the three of us. They both got out, waving to each other and then walked up to us.

"Hey guys! Let's get food, I'm fucking starving!" Bob yelled. Ray laughed, and Gerard and I just smiled. Mikey was still bouncing with energy. We all went inside ordering our food. I got a veggie burger and a coke, and the guys just got chicken fingers and fries and what not.

"Veggie burger?" Gerard asked, smirking.

"Yeah, trying out being a vegetarian." He nodded.

"How long have you gone so far?" He asked.

"I don't know, 2 or 3 weeks."

"Sweet." I nodded, as we all sat down at the table. It was Mikey, Bob and I on one side and Ray and Gerard on the other. I couldn't help but hear lots of giggling, and looked over to find a group of 3 girls sitting at a table across the room. They were eyeing us up, especially Gerard. I chomped down on my veggie burger, loving the way it tasted.

"Hey Gerard, I think those girls think you're cute!" I said, teasing him. He smiled.

"Trust me I already know. Two of em were teasing their one friend in line because she thought I was hot or something." He said. I looked over at them. They looked about 15 or so, and were actually pretty cute. Two of them kept whispering in the one's ear. They pushed her forward, mouthing the word "go!". She started walking over embarrassed. She was wearing a tight white tee with black skinny jeans and converse. Her hair was dark brown and long and wavy. She
honestly was really cute.

"She's coming over!" Ray whispered, smiling to tease him. If only he knew...

The girl approached the table and handed a piece of paper to Gerard, before winking and walking back to her table. Then the three girls left, giggling the whole time. Gerard opened the note, seeing it was a number. He crumpled it up, putting it on his plate.

"Too bad you're gay!" Ray said, laughing. Bob and Mikey chuckled too. What? They knew? Gerard
smiled, but then his face got serious as he looked at me.

"Umm..." He mumbled. Ray froze, an so did Mikey and Bob.

"Shit." Ray said.

"It's okay. I knew." I told them. They all nodded.

"Why did every one know but me?" I asked. Mikey looked at me sympathetically.

"We discussed it when we went to Taco Bell." I nodded, still processing the information. Why did that come up at Taco Bell? Why was I the one who didn't know and had to find out from Elena?

"How did you know?" Gerard asked, puzzled.

"Elena told me." They all widened their eyes at me. Mikey looked at Gerard.

"Grandma knew before me!? Your brother!?" He yelled to him. But Gerard ignored him.

"Why would... Why would she tell you that... What were you guys talking about that made that come up?" Gerard asked, sounding confused and pissed.

"I...Just...Nothing!" I yelled, before getting up and going out the door. I started up my truck and
headed home.

What. The. Actual. Fuck.